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  • LF - You need to freshen up on the use of quotes as some of what you attribute to me I have not written. Kind of ironic given that you have been saying you have been misquoted.

    Ok. I'm out. Was trying to get back to giving advice on how to proceed through this horrible time but the posts seem to be back to he said/she said and defensiveness. Good luck. Glad you are having awesome bonding time with your child.

    Comment


    • I see no point in defending my advice against anyone...since I believe that lf32 is quite capable of recognizing the useful parts of everyone's contributions here. Perhaps if we give him this benefit of doubt it will reduce these crazy flame wars.

      Comment


      • Originally posted by dinkyface View Post
        I see no point in defending my advice against anyone...since I believe that lf32 is quite capable of recognizing the useful parts of everyone's contributions here. Perhaps if we give him this benefit of doubt it will reduce these crazy flame wars.
        Thank you. That's all Im saying.

        Comment


        • Another kick in the groin from the Family Court process is ....WHAT DID YOU DO ABOUT IT.

          Examples are:

          WHAT DID YOU DO ABOUT......a support payer not paying for years

          WHAT DID YOU DO ABOUT.....custody/access when you left the house for your new girlfriend.

          That's why way way back at the beginning LF32 it was good you had the Application in.

          Judges toss cases or maintain status quo because people didn't do anything

          Typical excuses are.....I didn't know.....I was waiting for EX......I wanted things to settle out first.....on and on

          Currently you have what most normal parents have which is the basic right to have time with your kid.

          The odd part is being told too put a fake smile on and don't rock the boat in your eggshell world. Taking it up the ying yang isn't normal

          What did the parties do .....after the Motion?

          This is the first question a SC/TMC Judge will have.

          1) Is there a document that the LAO scumbag stated "settlement" and what was done on your side to get settlement chats going. (documented proof)
          2) Access was difficult Goldilocks wanted exchanges at her end.
          3) Goldilocks wrote notes on sick child care, which were totally unnecessary

          The Motion set the minimum access......Nothing wrong asking for MORE........when it's rejected....then it's there for a SC/TMC Judge.

          Definitely the OP won't move past the minimum access...without Court involvement.

          Working the additional items....health....welfare....education....activit ies.

          It will be clear at SC/TMC to any idiot....OP is sticking with allegations, so this goes two ways....cautious parent.....or unfriendly parent

          The cautious parent is doing pretty much joint custody right now, not a problem.... yet not settling

          The unfriendly parent does the above, but little else and moves forward on allegations.

          Comment


          • Mr T's correct. There are going to be a lot of "What did you do about it's"?

            I think there's a huge difference between being high conflict and being proactive.

            Few q's:

            1. It seems like this is a big race to see who can achieve the most playgroups, create the most social ties b/w D3 and friends, schedule the most activities. D3 says she has playgroup something like 3 days/week now with mom. I have a few things set up (dance class Wednesdays and story times at library, etc).

            But at what point does it not become about the child anymore?

            Is it really going to be "D3 should be with me more b/c I have her in 12 programs an she's made friends there". Don't get me wrong. These things are fantastic. But too much may exhaust a 3 year old.

            Next,

            I have a 2 hour meeting with my lawyer on Thursday to complete and sign "settlement conference brief". It is indeed required by the court that an offer of settlement be created as part of the materials we file.

            I want to go to the meeting with lot's of ideas for the SC brief. Any opinions/suggestions welcome.

            Next:

            The response to the OCL dispute came back. My lawyer is sending it to me but says its useless. How much weight can this stuff hold in court now after what's been one at the motion since OCL head office just seems to be covering for her?

            Judges written report is still not complete from the motion. We should expect that very soon. What kind of fight do you feel I have on my hands with those motion results? Will OP try to re-administer their recordings, OCL report, etc?

            Next phase fast approaching.

            Amazing weekend with D3:
            Santa Clause parade, made our own x-mas ornaments (arts and crafts kit), bead necklaces, put up our x-mas tree, decorated home. Such a great weekend.

            Again D3 told me to make sure I don't leave when she goes to see mommy. I wish she knew I wasn't the one who left in the first place. Sounds like that's what she's been told.

            I assure her Im here to stay and that I love her very much.
            Last edited by LovingFather32; 11-17-2014, 10:07 AM. Reason: spelling

            Comment


            • The first thing you have to do is keep it simple to settle, (thats why it's called a settlement conference/TMC.)

              You don't want to ADD issues to complicate settlement, you goal is that endorsement and you want to appear as reasonable and open to negotiate as humanly possible.

              OP is pushing through with the allegations so you want to clear a path so a Judge can bulldoze the OP position down.....and slam them in the endorsement for being stubborn and only interested in litigation

              Your brief should be all on how nice the recent access has been, except ex wants exchanges for her access. ...just child related stuff.

              Not personal vendetta's like your EX has

              YOUR the one being personally attacked...so let the EX explain what a monster you are in her brief.

              The OP cannot go into the SC/TMC writing that your a great DAD. There would be no need for Trial

              A Judge needs a reason for scheduling a Trial...your not going to give him/her a reason for one...by always looking to settle/mediate......let the other party be SQUEEZED to drop there allegations and settle...and warned what will happen if the matter goes to Trial

              The OP will be written up as unreasonable/hostile and prepared to waste Court time on a simple matter.

              Yes Motion Judge just dumped OP allegations as a waste of time (court gets allegations from quarreling couples 5 days a week) I imagine a Trial Judge will let OP present there exhibits which will be summarily dismissed...that pretty much ends the Trial.

              Need witnesses, full disclosure, modified Parenting plan..health welfare education and activites...extended family involvement....daycare for work

              Comment


              • Oh, and don't get caught up in the arms race of who provides the most extra-curricular activities. 1-2 things per week is fine; quality time with a parent and a stable schedule is the most important thing that you can demonstrate.

                Comment


                • I've written before you should ask to go to D3's activities that your EX sets up....no different than dance classess or boys hockey....you should be welcomed to attend.

                  You want to be the party that was forced to make a Application by the EX, there isn't any alternative BUT COURT

                  You want the EX to be seen as only able to do ACCESS if it's imposed on her by the Court (this is GOLD) she's the unfriendly parent, she can't put D3 first and won't be able to support access for you in the future.

                  It's mind blowing that Goldilocks is risking everything STILL even after her primary positon of slander was dumped at the Motion.
                  Last edited by MrToronto; 11-17-2014, 05:46 PM.

                  Comment


                  • Originally posted by MrToronto View Post
                    goal is that endorsement and you want to appear as reasonable and open to negotiate as humanly possible.
                    Got it. That won't be an issue. Just keep doing as I've been doing. Sit back and let her say how Im a monster.
                    Originally posted by MrToronto View Post
                    Need witnesses, full disclosure, modified Parenting plan..health welfare education and activites...extended family involvement....daycare for work
                    I couldn't imagine legal aid fitting a bill for a trial after what that motion judge just announced. Would they?

                    Comment


                    • Originally posted by MrToronto View Post
                      I've written before you should ask to go to D3's activities that your EX sets up..
                      This is normal correct? I wouldn't be imposing on her parenting time by asking this? I registered D3 for "Twinkle Toes" (dance) for wed evenings. In communication book I made sure I invited ex to attend if she wished.

                      Interestingly, in my city children have a "code" on file. I asked if D3 was registered in anything else. They printed out a summary which contained ex's address. She signed up D3 for swimming in June but never attended.
                      Originally posted by MrToronto View Post
                      It's mind blowing that Goldilocks is risking everything STILL even after her primary positon of slander was dumped at the Motion.
                      Yes it is. The problem is we just received the OCL head office reply to our dispute.

                      My lawyer called it a joke. Totally backed up OCl and her recommendations. Nothing about the CAS stuff (boundaries) were addressed in it. Nothing about being biased by secret, edited recordings addressed in it. Basically backed up her lies. It's like the mafia. We will be mailing them the judges written report on the motion when it is complete. (It's still not complete).

                      I got that same sick feeling in my stomach again .. like I'd lose D3 again. This response from OCL office goes to LAO lawyer and the court clerks. This will light a fire under OP to keep going.

                      It's disheartening to know they would provide more ammo on a report the motion judge scrapped to a family who may be on the verge of settling.
                      Last edited by LovingFather32; 11-17-2014, 10:51 PM. Reason: spelling

                      Comment


                      • Originally posted by LovingFather32 View Post
                        This is normal correct? I wouldn't be imposing on her parenting time by asking this? I registered D3 for "Twinkle Toes" (dance) for wed evenings. In communication book I made sure I invited ex to attend if she wished.

                        Interestingly, in my city children have a "code" on file. I asked if D3 was registered in anything else. They printed out a summary which contained ex's address. She signed up D3 for swimming in June but never attended.

                        Yes it is. The problem is we just received the OCL head office reply to our dispute.

                        My lawyer called it a joke. Totally backed up OCl and her recommendations. Nothing about the CAS stuff (boundaries) were addressed in it. Nothing about being biased by secret, edited recordings addressed in it. Basically backed up her lies. It's like the mafia. We will be mailing them the judges written report on the motion when it is complete. (It's still not complete).

                        I got that same sick feeling in my stomach again .. like I'd lose D3 again. This response from OCL office goes to LAO lawyer and the court clerks. This will light a fire under OP to keep going.

                        It's disheartening to know they would provide more ammo on a report the motion judge scrapped to a family who may be on the verge of settling.

                        Well, well, well, isn't that interesting (non-attendance at swimming lessons and ADDRESS). I would try to find out "all" of the addresses your ex has had over past 9 months. Will show huge instability.

                        OCL needs a kick in the groin. Have you considered independent family assessment? Expensive yes but might be well worth it in the end. Perhaps forego some Legal for a month or two if possible?

                        Edited recordings? Anything new from what you already know about?

                        Comment


                        • No Judge in the world would of given you access if they believed that report.

                          OCL report is a total waste of a read......on top of YOUR DOING UNSUPERVISED ACCESS RIGHT NOW....LMAO

                          So much for the recommendations...PLOP into the toilet

                          Like you said the OCL office really didn't probe to far into how the OCL made her findings....you probably got a standard reply a middle of the road one too limit any liability to there office...without to much detail...their office is busy.

                          The OCL douchebag will probably be called upon at Trial....it's all the OP has...well maybe the Action House liars.

                          When are you getting OCL resume... License gaps.. ..notes....quals...to rip her apart at Trial....she's just a youth drug/alcohol addiction shrink.....no experience with toddlers.

                          Of course it will be found out at SC/TMC where this is going and who will be going to the circus......the reality of a Trial will sink in after you leave the Courthouse.

                          Other than the month of November you've had no rights.....the victim? has run the entire show (with a free lawyer).

                          The Motion Judge gave you the motive why EX did what she did....the Judge said the accusations came after she left.....she plotted future events by making secret recordings....she's a manipulator/opportunist but no victim

                          OP is making a HUGE mistake going to a Trial.

                          yes I agree with Arabian...the more different addresses the better....no status quo.....and more balance of probabilities EX was set to leave jurisdiction but forced back because of the Motion results..
                          Last edited by MrToronto; 11-18-2014, 12:54 AM.

                          Comment


                          • So the full disclosure doesn't come until the settlement conference? So when is that going to be?

                            I would be like a 'wasp in an outhouse' on any information about daughter's location from time she was abducted to present.

                            Drug/urinalysis for mother? Is that a possibility?

                            Follow the money. FINANCIALS.

                            Comment


                            • Originally posted by MrToronto View Post
                              The Motion Judge gave you the motive why EX did what she did....the Judge said the accusations came after she left.....she plotted future events by making secret recordings....she's a manipulator/opportunist but no victim..
                              In so many words yes. I cant wait for this report to surface. Im new to this, so when it comes to "Judge Vs. OCL" for subsequent judge .. who wins?

                              Yes judge called what ex did "indignant" and "disturbing" among other things.

                              When it comes to addresses, I don't think I'll ever have more than the one. I went and tried to get a library card for D3 yesterday as well. I couldn't. D3 already had one with fines on it from ex. Librarian says..do you live at "..." (ex's addy). Well .. at least we know there's tons of ways to get address. (library cards, community recreational codes).

                              D3 keeps mentioning a few names over and over. These were mutual friends of ours. They live in QC close to her mom. I wouldn't be surprised if she stays there. For some reason I think I'll always only fin one fixed addy on file. LAO would've warned her of that.

                              Can't trace couch surfing. Financials may show where she spent her money at times but not where she lived.

                              Honestly, I just want to ensure D3 has some stability.
                              Last edited by LovingFather32; 11-18-2014, 10:04 AM.

                              Comment


                              • Originally posted by arabian View Post
                                Drug/urinalysis for mother? Is that a possibility?
                                .
                                I think that may work to "complicate issues" as Mr. T pointed out. I'd like to maintain this "low conflict" atmosphere I've immersed myself in. She can point fingers all she wants. I'll just continue to calmly take it on the chin and flash my parenting plan.

                                Honestly, I just feel like asking her in an e-mail. "Are you sticking by your allegations"?

                                Obviously not because...

                                EX only allows ACCESS if it's imposed on her by the Court.

                                Arabian .. family assessment= $. Would have to save up a bit.

                                Re: edited recordings .. nothing new. Just waiting for the judges report which dismisses them in a quick fashion.
                                Last edited by LovingFather32; 11-18-2014, 10:00 AM.

                                Comment

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