Hello,
I would like to find out how other parents respond to their kids when the other parent says something untrue or against you? For me this tends to occur out of the blue, child will disclose something the other parents has said, and sometimes I just don't know what to say. I know I am not suppose to throw other parent under the bus either. As an example (there have been many): Child said, "dad said you said he can't have anything from the house" When in fact we have never talked about it at all. He removed his clothes and some personal things. I packed up some other personal things, but they are still here. The first offer to settle came from Ex and in it it said he didn't want any of the household goods. I was surprised, honestly. there are several things here that I could not care a less that he took. Yet this is what he said to the kids and it was categorically untrue.
So what do you say to things like this? I actually went to see a counsellor to find out the "right" way to respond to children to make sure I am not creating a worse situation in what I say and the advise was to not directly contradict the other parent, but to be an example by the opposite behavior and say something like Dad must have heard xxx, but that was not my intent. When they press for details I say adults problems are for adults, or that is for dad and I to figure out. I hope my relationship with the kids withstands these things and they figure out when they are older how inappropriate it was and learn by my example of not putting them in the middle, but what if they don't?
It is just so hard to know what is the right thing to say? I'd love to hear how others handle conversations with kids when the other parent is involving the children in divorce details or half/untruths.
I would like to find out how other parents respond to their kids when the other parent says something untrue or against you? For me this tends to occur out of the blue, child will disclose something the other parents has said, and sometimes I just don't know what to say. I know I am not suppose to throw other parent under the bus either. As an example (there have been many): Child said, "dad said you said he can't have anything from the house" When in fact we have never talked about it at all. He removed his clothes and some personal things. I packed up some other personal things, but they are still here. The first offer to settle came from Ex and in it it said he didn't want any of the household goods. I was surprised, honestly. there are several things here that I could not care a less that he took. Yet this is what he said to the kids and it was categorically untrue.
So what do you say to things like this? I actually went to see a counsellor to find out the "right" way to respond to children to make sure I am not creating a worse situation in what I say and the advise was to not directly contradict the other parent, but to be an example by the opposite behavior and say something like Dad must have heard xxx, but that was not my intent. When they press for details I say adults problems are for adults, or that is for dad and I to figure out. I hope my relationship with the kids withstands these things and they figure out when they are older how inappropriate it was and learn by my example of not putting them in the middle, but what if they don't?
It is just so hard to know what is the right thing to say? I'd love to hear how others handle conversations with kids when the other parent is involving the children in divorce details or half/untruths.
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