Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Hockey Expenses & Cost Award

Collapse
This topic is closed.
X
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • #31
    I don't doubt that some new partners can be instrumental (and not mental) in terms of helping with "harmony." That has sadly not been my experience. While I was painted up by the ex, his wife, and his lawyer as the textbook bitter, angry, jaded ex (all unfounded). Funny how it is I (in financial ruin) who can't move on but EX has moved on alright. He will soon destroy his next victim and her family. Not "IF" but WHEN. I wish he had met someone normal but what are the chances of that? He's a psycho. And yes, I know him better than anyone. If I dumped massive debt on someone else and bullshit my way through life, maybe I'd be doing as well as he appears to be. I don't know how to recover from being rripped off sideways. The ripple effects of it are ongoing. I have so many steps to take in an "attempt" to start a financial recovery. The anxiety he has caused me is undescribable. I'm quite surprised I haven't completely broken down from the pressure. You don't know someone til you've lived with them, had kids and then when the shit hits the fan, you find out who you're really dealing with. For some, like myself - it's been a high price to pay. Trying to keep one's sanity often becomes the biggest struggle of all. And to think - I left him. I left an abusive relationship (mostly verbal) and now 5 years later, I'm still bullied financially. Dealing with a fraud bankruptcy, trying to keep my house, dealing with FRO (so far, useless), dealing with a costs order (unpaid). The list goes on and on. There's no easy fix for this mess and definitely no time for relationships.

    Yes, I've been told I should move on with my life. I totally agree. I just have no idea "how to." Walk away? Lose my house? Go rent an apartment? Suck it up? Just say "f*ck it?" Not a good idea. Then I really will snap. Not everyone is an asshole but people need to protect themselves better. You just never know what's in store for you down the road. We trust so blindly.

    BF you have a good relationship with your partner's kids and that's a good thing. It's good you and his ex-wife can deal with eachother. Just always remember, you haven't walked in her shoes. Nor has she, in yours.

    Comment


    • #32
      Agree with both of you. Being supportive of one's partner is a good thing. Interfering in their disputes is just that - interfering and should be left between the two opposing individuals.

      Standing - the "duh" comment is meant to rein you in when you viciously try to make it sound like I say something I clearly have not. I am not a bully rather someone who doesn't stand for cheap, below the belt tactics on a forum such as this. I am sure you are a wonderful step-person. Before you name-call those of us who have survived acrimonious divorces I'd appreciate it if you would at least pretend to try to see things from our side. We are, after all, people who have gone through the divorce - not a new partner to someone who has gone through a divorce. Huge difference. I realize your lives aren't a bed of roses and you are trying your best to make things work in a trying situation.

      Some of us have had terrible experiences and have had to endure having our reputations attacked by our ex's new partners. Lies, lies and more lies but there is not a thing we can do about it. When someone posts on this forum, and their very name offends, and they go on to spew allegations that are incredible, we get a little prickly because it brings home the crap that we have to live through with our own ex's new spouses. I have been stalked, threatened and harassed by my ex's new partner. I recently moved so that I didn't have to get the weekly horn honk and wave from her. Every time my ex and I have to go to court she shows up there. My adult son is stalked and harassed by this woman. I have been told by many that she loves to tell people that my son and I are drug dealers (after 30 yrs of marriage it isn't uncommon to run into people that we both were friends with). And so on.

      It goes without saying that I am not perfect and yes I most undoubtedly was part of the equation for divorce (I guess I forced him to carry on with another woman for years and eventually put our money into her bank account and let our home go into foreclosure and leave me without basic necessities of life until court orders changed that). I did end up losing my home (which I had paid for myself years before through a family inheritance and then stupidly put it in his name to make it easier for him to go and do a re-finance). As my credit rating was trashed by not being able to pay bills after our separation I can't even get a vehicle financed. When I heard that she was saying my son and I were drug dealers I just laughed and said "I wish - I'd have a car and own a home again."

      I may be the recipient of a very substantial SS but I am totally entitled to it. I put hundreds of thousands of dollars into our business, entertained his large extended family on all family birthdays and vacations, was a 49% partner in our business, etc. Had it not been for my money (injected to the tune of 4 - 6,000.00/month for many years) he wouldn't be enjoying the success he now has. I know he has other spin-off businesses but I have been awarded spousal based on one business. Even if I did chase down his other sources of income I would be entitled to a portion of that. I could care less. I just want to get on my own two feet and eventually not have to take any SS. Does that sound unreasonable or greedy? I will be paying Canada Revenue Agency for a corporate debt that was both of our responsibility for the next 10 yrs. He pays nothing as he went bankrupt. I cannot go bankrupt and no one seems to know how he got away with going bankrupt as he was 51% owner of the company. He obviously slipped through the cracks. In order to maintain some sanity I have to let it go.

      The life of an ex may not be as the new partner portrays. That is my point.

      Comment


      • #33
        so now you call me vicious?? LOL have you actually looked at some of your posts??

        You are a bully and I am certain that there are many people who will agree with me.

        Comment


        • #34
          Get over yourself. If you want to conduct a popularity pole then go for it. Quit clogging up the forum with your petty attacks on me.

          Comment


          • #35
            Oops typo - should have been popularity "poll" - unless we're talking about striptease artists. Funny how that came to mind.

            Comment


            • #36
              Oh goody! Another 'pole'.

              Comment


              • #37
                you don't know me at all or what this ex has put my fiance through. sure there are many deadbeat dads out there and it sounds like you and hadenough have gone through that, but just the same there are deadbeat mothers as well and that's what my fiance is dealing with.
                I think the material point is that you don't know either.

                You could read through (as you stated) "stacks and stacks" of divorce documents and still have zero clue as to what transpired between two people in a marriage. Its not for you to know...it wasn't your marriage.

                I agree with Berner that their is certainly a level of involvement the new partner takes on..especially when there are children involved. But any self-respecting, intelligent person should try to stay out of the way with regard to legalities and court proceedings. Its simply intrusive...it will create conflict...and more importantly, its not your place. The monetary issues involved in this man supporting his children...also isn't your place. He should deal with these issues on his own like a grown up.

                The bottom line is that this man has 4 children who he doesn't have a relationship with...and he can attempt to blame whomever he pleases but he's the one responsible. Period....not his ex...not her bf. Just him...their actual father. That you defend him in this this is truly bizarre to me. I suppose that's probably why he's with you.

                There are so many legal remedies to deal with denial of access or violent situations. He just walked away from 4 children..and there is no justification for that. Now you're on here...as the 3rd new partner..trying to get him absolved of monetary responsibility for these same children.

                Personally, I can't imagine having such a man as a partner but that's your choice. Its really a great shame that he has to do private investigative work to find out where his kids are because he doesn't even know them...and when he does, his primary goal is to eliminate his financial responsibility.

                I'm glad he tries to be a father to at least 1 child out of the 5 he's created.

                Comment


                • #38
                  ^^^^^

                  *** applause ***
                  Start a discussion, not a fire. Post with kindness.

                  Comment


                  • #39
                    Ditto * Just curious but how is a mom of 4 kids, the CP, and wherein dad pulled a David Copperfield "disappearing act" (for 10+ years and going strong) a "deadbeat mother?"

                    TiredOfGE: you may not like some of the feedback you are rec'g here but make no mistake that you are getting honest and logical responses and interpretations of your situation.

                    Comment


                    • #40
                      Re Ex#1

                      but my biggest concern is she will go after him for hockey costs ...
                      which I have her admitting to this in an MSN message
                      Re Ex#2

                      about you "ex # 2", seeing as you said trial, you are the only one he went to trial with. he has never spoken of you, i see things for myself, especially a 10" thick stack of evidence that proves you do nothing but lie to people. re-read the postings, this has nothing to do with you. glad to see you consider me stupid, seems to me you are the one that lost trial not him! you are the one that ended up with a cost order against you, not him, you are the one that has been threatened with jail by a judge, not him. keep dreaming.

                      Very disturbing the level of involvement and hostility here.

                      I'm amazed that a woman who's with a man who's on his 3rd relationship ...a man that has essentially abandoned 4 of his own children....can't figure out that she's being manipulated. Two marriages, 5 children...and he's managed to turn the 3rd woman he's in a serious relationship with into a raving pitpull towards the two she doesn't even really know.

                      I've never trusted men who have nothing good to say about their ex's...and I would certainly never be dragged into any mess with their ex. I have a life of my own...I don't need to engage in someone else's private divorce drama.

                      Its wonderful when you can emotionally support someone through a divorce...but this type of involvement is so chaotic and ridiculous, in my opinion.

                      I'm just amazed by the predatory nature of some people and the new partners who are gullible enough to believe them.

                      Comment


                      • #41
                        Originally posted by Pursuinghappiness View Post
                        Re Ex#1

                        I've never trusted men who have nothing good to say about their ex's...and I would certainly never be dragged into any mess with their ex. I have a life of my own...I don't need to engage in someone else's private divorce drama.

                        Its wonderful when you can emotionally support someone through a divorce...but this type of involvement is so chaotic and ridiculous, in my opinion.

                        I'm just amazed by the predatory nature of some people and the new partners who are gullible enough to believe them.
                        Well said... I can honestly say, it is very rare that my bf says negative things about his ex... sure there is always the odd comment here and there is conversation and even if she is vindictive towards him, I have never heard him call her a bad mother, in fact he knows and comments on her being a good mother... everyone makes mistakes when parenting, but bad mouthing a parent when they make these mistakes is just uncalled for.

                        Being the "new partner" I have heard many stories, but I also know that my bf was a totally different man with her than he is with me. His family is very blunt and comments on a regular basis how different he is. For a simple example, if his ex were to ask him to do something, he most often would tell her to do it herself. But it is very rare that he tells me no. He was an asshole in his first marriage, but she also was no saint... as a new partner, you really have to be able to sort through all the junk and know what is right and what is wrong. Had I known how he treated his ex 2.5 years ago, before we got together, I highly doubt I would have started a relationship with him.

                        Comment


                        • #42
                          Originally posted by Berner_Faith View Post
                          Well said... I can honestly say, it is very rare that my bf says negative things about his ex... sure there is always the odd comment here and there is conversation and even if she is vindictive towards him, I have never heard him call her a bad mother, in fact he knows and comments on her being a good mother... everyone makes mistakes when parenting, but bad mouthing a parent when they make these mistakes is just uncalled for.

                          Being the "new partner" I have heard many stories, but I also know that my bf was a totally different man with her than he is with me. His family is very blunt and comments on a regular basis how different he is. For a simple example, if his ex were to ask him to do something, he most often would tell her to do it herself. But it is very rare that he tells me no. He was an asshole in his first marriage, but she also was no saint... as a new partner, you really have to be able to sort through all the junk and know what is right and what is wrong. Had I known how he treated his ex 2.5 years ago, before we got together, I highly doubt I would have started a relationship with him.
                          I second this motion regarding PH. PH is probably one of the wisest posters on this site.

                          Comment

                          Our Divorce Forums
                          Forums dedicated to helping people all across Canada get through the separation and divorce process, with discussions about legal issues, parenting issues, financial issues and more.
                          Working...
                          X