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  • #16
    Originally posted by LovingFather32 View Post
    Do you have proof of the above?
    Of course... Police records, pictures, all emails between the parties after the event.

    Originally posted by LovingFather32 View Post
    Tayken has very good threads that assisted me greatly.
    Read this thread carefully .. judges in my case were influenced by it's content.
    http://www.ottawadivorce.com/forum/f...ase-law-16809/
    I did and already took note of it as I've been following your threads since Spring 2015. Tayken has provided lots of advice but most of them were initially taken from your threads.


    Originally posted by LovingFather32 View Post
    Sounds like .. you shared primary parent responsibilities. (Rack up your evidence).
    All done. It took months and money but it was served to the other party two weeks ago in response to their affidavit and as evidences.

    Originally posted by LovingFather32 View Post
    Yea you sound pissed off. So did I when I first came on. Good reason for it .. I WAS .. and you are. Keep your patience in check, no vilifying your ex .. let her do all that. Judges see right through it.
    This is the hardest part. I can stand quiet and respectful. Confident that something good will be decided in my favor. But it is long. The wait is perilously long. Within myself, I resends constantly a pressure that keeps on suffocating me and seems as if I would be about to explode. You know the feeling when you cry for help and looks like you are being ignored or no one hears you.



    Originally posted by LovingFather32 View Post
    I forget .. you have a record? Ever any DV, child abuse, drug charges? Has she ever accused you of anything before?
    Beside that incident that got dismissed, nothing in the past. She made false allegations of DV during our 15 years of union but nothing to prove. Not a tiny weeny evidence. She took the opportunity of the incident to make it look very bad.


    Originally posted by LovingFather32 View Post
    I get that you stood beside the water cooler at work and mumbled some dumb crap .. honestly who doesn't? Yep, death threats are serious .. but I kind of see what happened there, and so will the judge. Stop saying dumb stuff, no room for error now pal.
    When things are not going well, to whom do you talk? Your PSY? No really you talk to family and friends. But when those people are too far, you will talk to people that you see every day. That is your co-workers. Yes I was frustrated of the whole situation. If you ever get between Mother Bear and Little Bear, I can guarantee you to run as quickly and far as you can because no matter what, she will see you as a threat to her baby bear. Maybe I felt the same way when I lost access to my kids.

    Originally posted by LovingFather32 View Post
    You'll have to ride the wave on this one. Take your coat off and stay awhile. Read all my threads from the beginning .. it'll take you through everything. I felt what you're feeling .. it's bloody horrendous to have your kids taken away for no good reason. We get jay walking tickets and speeding tickets but abduction is allowed as a status quo strategy even in the absence of any proof. I know what it feels like to have your rights trampled on .. knowing your kids are somewhere missing you.... it's a disgusting feeling. One that nobody will ever understand unless they've been through it.

    I wouldn't be sitting around waiting for trial twiddling my thumbs .. get your S*&t together...your FLR's/CLRA/Caselaw/Factms/Quality exhibits.
    Get used to the feeling of being beaten down. The game is to wear you down until you fold. Dont fold.

    LF32
    LF32, thank you for your compassion and for the advice you gave me. Like I said, I've been following your threads for so long and I must admit that I stole most of the advice that people on ODF gave you. So basically I did all this. I was so happy and joyful when your daughter was able to return to his father. This gave me hope and courage to revive the paternal presence that my kids deserve.

    I will fight for the rights of my children. I won't fold.

    Comment


    • #17
      Have you sought some kind of counselling or therapy? I'm not saying there is something wrong with you, but your situation is extremely stressful and when you write things like this:

      The wait is perilously long. Within myself, I resends constantly a pressure that keeps on suffocating me and seems as if I would be about to explode. You know the feeling when you cry for help and looks like you are being ignored or no one hears you.

      ... I worry that some day you will explode, with negative consequences for your case and your parenting. Having some place where you can talk about your feelings freely and be sure that someone is really listening to you (not just strangers on the internet) could help a lot with the 'explosive' feelings.

      Comment


      • #18
        Originally posted by stripes View Post
        Have you sought some kind of counselling or therapy? I'm not saying there is something wrong with you, but your situation is extremely stressful...
        Yes I did. This helped somewhat to get through each steps. The most difficult step having to accept that I won't see my children every day from now on. Yes you get to pass through this and live with it. The best you can do is cherish the moment you get to spend with your kids as most as possible when it is your parenting time.

        Some people will say that it's a long process but eventually things will settled and you will keep on going. It could be acceptable for the first couple of months but when you get over two years, going on three... counselling and therapy becomes useless as the cancer gets bigger and bigger.

        The best therapy I can now follow is to ignore what my ex is arguing about (she is still in the past) and concentrate on what is favorable for my children.

        Comment


        • #19
          Originally posted by mafia007 View Post
          Of course... Police records, pictures, all emails between the parties after the event.



          I did and already took note of it as I've been following your threads since Spring 2015. Tayken has provided lots of advice but most of them were initially taken from your threads.




          All done. It took months and money but it was served to the other party two weeks ago in response to their affidavit and as evidences.



          This is the hardest part. I can stand quiet and respectful. Confident that something good will be decided in my favor. But it is long. The wait is perilously long. Within myself, I resends constantly a pressure that keeps on suffocating me and seems as if I would be about to explode. You know the feeling when you cry for help and looks like you are being ignored or no one hears you.





          Beside that incident that got dismissed, nothing in the past. She made false allegations of DV during our 15 years of union but nothing to prove. Not a tiny weeny evidence. She took the opportunity of the incident to make it look very bad.




          When things are not going well, to whom do you talk? Your PSY? No really you talk to family and friends. But when those people are too far, you will talk to people that you see every day. That is your co-workers. Yes I was frustrated of the whole situation. If you ever get between Mother Bear and Little Bear, I can guarantee you to run as quickly and far as you can because no matter what, she will see you as a threat to her baby bear. Maybe I felt the same way when I lost access to my kids.



          LF32, thank you for your compassion and for the advice you gave me. Like I said, I've been following your threads for so long and I must admit that I stole most of the advice that people on ODF gave you. So basically I did all this. I was so happy and joyful when your daughter was able to return to his father. This gave me hope and courage to revive the paternal presence that my kids deserve.

          I will fight for the rights of my children. I won't fold.
          The wait is the hardest part. But if you use every minute wisely the wait is actually advantageous.

          I used to send blitz e-mails:
          - Mediation offers (I know you already tried this)
          - Exchange of Separation Agreements
          - Ourfamilywizard.com
          - Reasonable offers to settle
          - Exchange of Parenting Plans
          - Take Parenting After Separation Courses
          - Take First Aid/CPR courses

          1. You have no criminal convictions.
          2. No history of domestic violence or child abuse
          3. Tender clean drug tests (I did hair follicle, liver enzymes, urine, etc)
          4. No history with CAS

          __________________________________________

          This is the part I'd hammer down on:

          The catalyst to her packing the things, changing locks on doors and saying you have no more kids was "You met someone and went for Easter dinner with them"

          Judge won't like that. That's not abuse/drugs, etc. Really emphasize this.

          Then she capitalized on your stupid social convo around the water cooler with buddies at work .. which the courts also spit on and threw out.

          You dont have abad case

          Comment


          • #20
            After Motion #1 - updates

            Hello ODF Community,

            Here is an update of my case following our first Motion.

            The issues that were still contested by the OP and were to be brought before the judge;

            1- Arrears of CS for Y 2015
            2- CS for 2016 should be based on which salary?
            3- SS entitlement
            4- Access and parenting time
            5- matrimonial home
            6- Children best interest
            7- Financial disclosure on pending issues

            Before we appeared in front of the judge, both counsels were negotiating on some issues.

            1- Arrears of CS for Y 2015... I consent to pay the arrears of CS on my 2015 revenu. In the past, the OP was stating that I should pay the arrears on my 2014 revenu that included my severance pay. But we were still residing together in 2014 and I only lost access to my home and children from Spring 2015... so logically, my arrears should be based on my 2015 revenu and Severance Pay is not to be included as revenu as it was showing in my Financial Disclosure, and STBX was already entitled to her share. It was double dipping.
            It doesn't matter if my "lost of access" was not fare or not (my
            children were abducted in some way...) to the law, from the time where the children were in care of the mother, I have to pay full table amount. I've searched through CanLII for any judgements and couldn't find nothing So no arguing, I agreed to pay retro arrears of CS now based on my 2015 salary. Done.

            PS - For people going on motions and trial, when you know you will lose on an issue, do not fight it before the judge. You will give the OP entitlement to costs... Be safe and search for your own information. Do not rely only on your lawyer for advice. This could save you lots of $.

            5- Matrimonial home - I gave over 18 months to the ex to buy my share as she wanted the house. After several demands, I changed my position and requested that the house should be sold as she was reluctant to provide proof she could keep the house and buy my share. Before the motion, I consent to give her another month to get an approval from the bank following the motion, otherwise, the house will be listed on the market. I must get a new appraisal of the house to reflect today's value. Basically, I'm giving her the opportunity to show the bank with an order that shows how much she will get in CS and SS for her approval. After 30 days from this minutes, if she fails, house will be listed with a specific agent and conditions. Done.

            6- Children best interest - OCL have declined to get involved. We have agreed to retain the service of a professional lawyer in Family Mediation to meet with the children and hear their wishes. Mother states that the children don't want to spend more time with father, but when with father, children are asking when they will stay overnight and spend more time?

            7- STBX Lawyer did not understand why his client ex-lawyer did not provide those documents for financial disclosures. The OP consented to provide those documents as per our request with Form 20 ASAP. I guest they were scared as it states clearly on the form that in failing to provide those disclosures, it would be brought before the judge at their costs.

            All of these were written on an agreement and signed by both parties and lawyers and a copy was given to the judge.

            Points 2, 3 and 4 were addressed to the judge. After the motion, the decision was as followed;

            2- CS is to be based on my actual 2016 salary which is the one on invalidity. Due to change of circumstances, I am presently on leave. OP was stating that CS was to be based on my 2015 NOA. But SSAG rules that it should be on actual salary. I won this issue.

            3- No SS. Either Financial or Compensatory, even on my real salary or invalidity, and under her income that is not yet "imputed", (she is showing a salary under what she could actually earn as self-employed and her education), the amounts are showing 0$. I won this issue.

            4- No increase in access and parenting time. The schedule in place will remain until the lawyer have met with the children and provided a report that will indicate the children's voice. But I gain Father's Day that she was first refusing. Access to be determined at Motion #2 in August.

            Overall, as a father, it sucks for the access but following a lot of cases here on ODF, I am not surprise. Even, I could say that I could smell it coming. I am disappointed for my children as changes in access won't happen before the end of August. No quality time with my kids for two years in a row.

            I am confident that things are going to get better. I won a lot at this motion that took a lot of stressful weight away. On the OP side, she only won the access schedule to remain at the current stage. So 6 out of 7 issues in my favor.

            Comment


            • #21
              Children best interest - OCL have declined to get involved.
              OCL determined that her allegations arn't worth anything. That's an ace in your pocket.
              We have agreed to retain the service of a professional lawyer in Family Mediation to meet with the children and hear their wishes
              I understand this for the teenagers, but access should have been immediately restored for the 8 year old, IMO.
              Mother states that the children don't want to spend more time with father,
              Mom better be careful with that statement. When kids suddenly become averse to seeing the other parent in high conflict custody disputes, the term "Parental Alienation" becomes more significant. I'm assuming they will be heavily coached by mom before the meeting with the mediator. Hopefully it's a skilled mediator.
              No increase in access and parenting time.
              I dont understand why. Did you include the "primary Parent" stuff and explain in a factum (assuming it was a long motion) how it will benefit the kids? A false status quo is being created and the judge assisted in this scummy strategy. Leaves a sour taste in my mouth.
              I included MANY pictures in my materials. D5 and I at fairs, X-mas, teaching her how to walk, video of me potty training her, etc.

              When the judge entered the room the first thing he said was "Hi Mr. LF32, I recognize you from the pictures". Pictures tell a million words...stimulate their visual cortex and implant yourself in their hippocampus.

              Where did the "Maximum Contact Principle" go here?

              Congrats on Father's Day .. but you were a full time dad before she found out you had an Easter Dinner with your g/f .. then all of a sudden you were locked out of your home and your children's rights were taken away to see you .... not okay. Did you hammer down that point with evidence/facts? (The bold above?)

              Keep your head up and never stop fighting!

              LF32
              Last edited by LovingFather32; 06-11-2016, 08:37 PM.

              Comment


              • #22
                Once again, play the long game.... If you don't screw up you will win...

                Comment


                • #23
                  Originally posted by LovingFather32 View Post
                  I understand this for the teenagers, but access should have been immediately restored for the 8 year old, IMO.

                  Mom better be careful with that statement. When kids suddenly become averse to seeing the other parent in high conflict custody disputes, the term "Parental Alienation" becomes more significant. I'm assuming they will be heavily coached by mom before the meeting with the mediator. Hopefully it's a skilled mediator.
                  As I mentioned, it sucks right now but as a father, it's a ritual that we must face and there is nothing much we can do. Access is reinstated on a very long and slow process. Mom always have a sustainable advantage when it comes to custody and access during the separation process but we need to play our cards at the right moment and be very patient.

                  Indeed , the mediator who will meet with the children is regularly dealing with such cases. She is a family law lawyer who specialize with high conflict separation involving children. She is professionally skilled to meet with children and determined if they were exposed to any alienations by one of the parent. She is to become a judge in the near future. She is also engaged in the new program set up a year ago to meet with the children in cases of separation in order to recommend what would be in the best interests of the children. It is much cheaper than hiring an advocate for the children or seeking the professional help of an assessor when the OCL refuse to take a case. I have no choice but to go in that direction because I am convinced at 100% that the mother and her family certainly practiced parental alienation towards my children.

                  Until the next motion where the judge will acknowledge the report with the children's voice... access will remain the same. An access where I am constantly rushing the children to do everything because we are always in lack of time... not in the children best interest for sure.

                  Comment

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