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so very URGENT for your advise

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  • #31
    Thank you so much Stripes for your advise. I truly appreciate it!! Both yours and Arabians. IT IS ACTUAL HELPFUL AND CONSTRUCTIVE.

    God bless,

    p.s. Will take your advise about those to ignore. Not all man/woman are created equal!

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    • #32
      You now what WTL? Good on you for going to re-educate yourself. You have an on call gig also...excellent. That's getting your foot in the door as well I agree.

      From what I've read you seem to be doing everything right. You're getting the shit end of the stick because your teens have acquired some not-so-productive attitudes.

      You've raised these kids and I know first hand (I work in the special needs field) how difficult it is to raise a child with special needs. Mine isn't but I've worked with many.

      I still think your ex is jumping the gun with the custody thing. Your kids will come around...this "should" be just a temporary thing.

      I hope all goes well with you.

      Regarding responding to his BS. Just try not to make it a multiple page affidavit. A lot of times that's what high conflict ex's do....try to get in to an argument on paper to try and show the judge the other parent's the problem based on their reactions.

      A few rules to follow (well not rules, just how I dealt with allegations):

      1. Don't say ANYTHING that you can't back up with documented evidence.
      2. To his allegations: One blanket statement pointing out they're "false"

      The judge should know that these teens just want the parent who will let them get away with more right now.

      My daughter is only 5 and stepdaughter 10. Your story scares me. I don't want teenagehood to come. lol

      WTL...just be strong....everything will work out.
      Last edited by LovingFather32; 12-21-2016, 02:25 PM.

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      • #33
        I agree with Stripes that you need to get down to the courthouse and start the process rolling. But with regards to this weekend. I would suggest that you just say,NO you are not available and not reachable over the holidays. You have plans. Then get on a plane or bus or drive yourself anywhere you can. Turn off your phone and ignore the whole lot of them.

        You must have some family, a friend that you can go visit. You need to mentally and physically get away from all this and calm yourself down. They are teens so they will be fine without you for this Christmas.

        In a few years they will be independent adults and likely will go their own way. So now is a good time to make the stand.

        As for the a use allegations. Once you have had a restful Holiday weekend you can sit down and go,through each allegation and list your evidence to dispute his nonsense.

        It's okay to walk away - they are where they said they wanted to be - with their Dad.

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        • #34
          Thank you LovingFather32 for all your support and advise. I am telling you, If my kids were old enough, I could accuse them of abuse to me (not that I would do that).

          I am heading for the courthouse tomorrow.

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          • #35
            Beachnana,

            Thank you so very much for your advise. I am having a rather horrible time. If I don't see my children Xmas day, it will be the very first time. I am struggling!!
            I am heading to the courthouse tomorrow morning.

            As for family, I haven't much and they aren't nearby. Friends are with their own families, so....................

            I lost a sibling this past summer. It was very unexpected, so this alone is very painful.

            As for the allegations, they have not been noted exactly. Rather, it has just been a statement made.

            Worse Christmas of my entire life to date! I don't know how I am going to get through this!

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            • #36
              Christmas is really just one day like any other day. Try to detach yourself from all the hype around it - all the happy families and everything being perfect - and remember that for many people, the holidays are a time when they feel isolated and despondent. You are not alone in your situation. Wake up on Christmas morning, do something that makes you feel good, and then go to bed on Christmas night, and it's done. Your situation with your kids will settle down - it will take time and energy, but ultimately it will be okay. Remember that the way you feel now is not the way you will always feel.

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              • #37
                I used to be very stressed out on Xmas eve without kids.
                No more.When I am not with the children (every second year). I usually go to the movies and out for dinner with a friend. You'd be amazed how many people are out on Xmas eve. It is like a normal evening out nothing more. I hope you can look at it this way .

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                • #38
                  Xmas is just one of the ways corporations have enslaved the sheep with corporate slavery, enjoy indebtting yourself for a made up holiday (nobody believes Jesus was born in Winter).....

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                  • #39
                    Originally posted by Links17 View Post
                    Xmas is just one of the ways corporations have enslaved the sheep with corporate slavery, enjoy indebtting yourself for a made up holiday (nobody believes Jesus was born in Winter).....
                    lol, is there anything you're not raging angry about?

                    I'm not religious but I love christmas. I get a nice holiday from work, I have my friends and family around me. We play board games, we laugh, we cook together, we give each other gifts and we spend time together.

                    And not everyone goes into debt at Christmas. In fact, I happen to enjoy spending my hard earned wealth on people I care about. That's why I work for a living.

                    It must be tough to be so bitter. I hope you have a happy holiday anyway.

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                    • #40
                      Rogue One was terrible too....

                      Yeah, only 1/3 of people go in debt....

                      You too

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                      • #41
                        Originally posted by Where is the Light View Post
                        Beachnana,

                        Thank you so very much for your advise. I am having a rather horrible time. If I don't see my children Xmas day, it will be the very first time. I am struggling!!
                        I am heading to the courthouse tomorrow morning.

                        As for family, I haven't much and they aren't nearby. Friends are with their own families, so....................

                        I lost a sibling this past summer. It was very unexpected, so this alone is very painful.

                        As for the allegations, they have not been noted exactly. Rather, it has just been a statement made.

                        Worse Christmas of my entire life to date! I don't know how I am going to get through this!
                        you need to calm down a bit. Yes you may not see the kids but there are still other holidays etc. Its not like they are dead and you will never see them again. I have a friend who lost his dad one year ago today. I think his last Christmas was probably worse then yours. You still have hope of having a relationship with your kids, its not the end of the world.

                        You will get through it, just like lots of other people do when they don't have a loved one around. You just need to keep busy.

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                        • #42
                          I remember my first X-Mas, Easter, etc without my daughter (oh yea..she was abducted and hidden from me). Those were very hard times for me. Even at families at X-Mas I remember bringing all the stuff I was preparing for court and went to my mom's office to study how to get D5 back while everybody relaxed in the living room.
                          Yep .. my eyes were teary .. no sleep ... It almost ruined me.

                          Then I met somebody and they helped me so much. We went to the movies, cuddled, went for long walks, etc.

                          The sun WILL shine again. Keep your head up. This is temporary!

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                          • #43
                            Where is the light. You sound like my ex. Your situation sounds a bit like my situation in reverse so I may be able to pass on some knowledge I have gained from my son's counselor.

                            Background: After my separation, my ex and our son endured a volatile relationship. She accused him of being violent and she the victim. We brought our son to a counselor to help him deal with the separation and hopefully adjust his behaviour. This is what I learned: My son was the victim of projection and controlling behaviour. It seems my ex was projecting her anger toward me, onto our son and then claiming to be the victim. This was also coupled by controlling behaviour. It was explained that my ex was having trouble with our son becoming independent and she was trying to suppress it and that was met with resistance.

                            So...Where is the light. Are you angry with the separation? Could this be affecting your relationship with your children? Your ex asked if you wanted them for the weekend and you had to hesitate. Are you maybe hesitating because it's your ex asking?

                            Are you trying to control your teens too much? They're not 5 anymore, they have their own ideas. Its time to pick your battles. They are growing independent. Allow them to make decisions with your guidance. Sometimes you know its the wrong decision but as long as its only results in short term loss, let them see it for themselves. Eventually they will see that you have been right and they will start considering your guidance. They will never see this if you force the decision on them.

                            Rules are a good thing. Contrary to what some say about children gravitating to the parent who lets them get away with things. I believe that children want rules, they want structure. The rules should be clear. Allow your teenagers to help design the punishment for breaking a rule. Don't get angry and then arbitrarily punish them. Allow for warnings, allow for leniency but, don't be a push over.

                            This is what I learned from my son's counselor and it seems to work for me.

                            Comment

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