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Spouse locked me out of our Line of Credit

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  • #31
    To expand on my previous comment....

    I can recall a time, shortly after my husband had taken all of the money and had all of our business income redirected into his girlfriend's bank account. I was numb. I had absolutely no money. All the credit cards were cancelled. I was hard pressed to put gas in my car. In sheer desperation I called my husband and begged him to give me money so I could buy food. He agreed to meet with me.

    I remember this like it was yesterday. I met him in a parking lot. (He had recently moved into a very nice, large home overlooking a golf course, he drove a very nice car). He came out of his car (girlfriend sat in his car with a big smile on her face) and gave me an envelope with money. The envelope had my name written on it in his girlfriend's handwriting. He then produced a receipt that he demanded I sign for the money. The receipt was written in his girlfriend's handwriting. I know this as his girlfriend was the wife of one of our employee and she used to submit weekly pay records and receipts for her husband. Needless to say I told him to go fuck himself and dropped the receipt on the ground. This was MY money that he expected me to sign a receipt for. I had recently deposited several thousands of dollars in our account.

    So yes, I guess I put my "big girl pants" on and took the prick to the cleaners.

    I will never forget the desperation, frustration and total humiliation of that experience. I will never forget it.

    I believe that we are all entitled to a certain amount of dignity in life. I hope no one has to go through that. I am outspoken when I see someone's dignity debased.
    Last edited by arabian; 11-17-2012, 04:22 AM.

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    • #32
      I'm not sure why DDOL1 is interjecting into this thread with another whiny lament about how he hasn't ripped off his long suffering ex yet with regard to SS.

      Or why we're talking about all these other things that have nothing to do with the OPs original question...ie, non-existence spousal abuse, someone else ex's new gf...who cares?

      The real question that the OP asked was about her stbx closing an LOC that she was planning to use for legal expenses and whether that's ok.

      The answer is "yes"...its ok...its pretty much standard practice.

      It wouldn't be ok if he wasn't paying household bills or helping with expenses for the children but it sounds like he is.

      No one understands the specific details of this story...only what's been disclosed by the OP. Perhaps, there's a lot of debt outstanding and the stbx is trying to sew up loose ends...maybe he's been asking for the OP to work for some time knowing that she's capable and she hasn't...or maybe he's an ass...who knows. I don't see any evidence from what the OP posted to suggest he's done anything wrong. Even under a collaborative law situation, you need to close up credit accounts. That doesn't make him a bad guy at all. I wouldn't want a bunch of legal debt from my stbx accrued on joint accounts knowing how long equalization takes. As his lawyer, I would advise that he closes everything he can.

      I get that it means the OP is put into a position where she may have to work...to make a deal with her lawyer...or to borrow money...and that's tough...but its standard divorce procedure.

      I truly hope she's been successful in getting some temporary financing to help her through the time she needs to get SS started. My best wishes to her.

      I wish people would stop projecting their own non-applicable situations onto an OP when they ask a question. If you want to vent about your own mistreatment by an ex-gf, etc....just start another thread....it doesn't really apply here.
      Last edited by Pursuinghappiness; 11-20-2012, 02:54 PM.

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      • #33
        PH - Enjoy and get over yourself with all respect...... sort of old. What I put was a fair response to the reality - so she has a real response, she is not alone and it is doable. So with respect to our OP here you are not alone, some ex's will go out of their way and you have to deal with whatever comes until you get your opportunity to go through this process.

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        • #34
          Questions

          I read through the post and replies. I had a few questions.

          Did you talk with your stbx about using the line of credit? It didn't sound like you had since you mention moving money only if he doesn't find out. If he is still accessing the line of credit while you are locked out then he is in the wrong.

          Several people have posted that it is wrong for your STBX to “freeze you out” of access to your bank account. A LOC is not the same as a bank account. It is very much like a credit card, and using it puts both of you into debt. A LOC secured with a house or other expensive object can be very dangerous because the amount of debt you can sink into can be crushing and quickly destroy equity that took years to build up. Unless you have an agreement with your stbx about the use, an agreement that is open and fair to both parties then I just see it as him making sure he isn’t blindsided by a large debt.


          It’s difficult to post opinions and advice when you only know one half of the story. As with all divorce stories the truth is usually somewhere in the middle, and we are only reading one side.

          I agree with Pursuing happiness. There has been a lot of assumptions made about the stbx. Be very careful about getting caught up in assumptions and speculation. Continued communication is key in these situations.

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          • #35
            Originally posted by arabian View Post
            I had a look over a previous post of yours. If you are over 41 yrs of age you are entitled to spousal support indefinitely.

            You say that you and your husband are working towards a "collaborative" divorce. I would say that if you are prevented from hiring legal advice, by denying you access to funds to pay for a lawyer, then you sure aren't in a collaborative divorce process. You should get an order in place that prevents him from pledging, borrowing against, or removing any matrimonial asset including your vehicle. [my ex gave my son's car to his g/f's son].
            Arabian... you say that if you are over 41 years old you are entitled to spousal support indefinitely. Can you clarify and cite a source for that statement? It's good information to know.

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            • #36
              Originally posted by Murphy1969 View Post
              Arabian... you say that if you are over 41 years old you are entitled to spousal support indefinitely. Can you clarify and cite a source for that statement? It's good information to know.
              Her statement, from my knowledge, isn't accurate in all cases.

              I believe she was hinting towards the rule of 65, where if you age PLUS the length of your marriage equal over 65 AND one has been deemed eligible for spousal support (as they sacrificed their career for the marriage, for example) they would be entitled to indefinite support.

              But just because one is over 41 doesn't mean one is entitled to indefinite support. If one gets married at 30 or old, they've only been married for 10'ish years, which would make it a relatively short marriage and if one qualified for spousal support, it would likely be based off of either 0.5 years to 1 year of SS per year of marriage.

              Personally, I think it is a typo and she meant 51, as that would likely put the OP over the rule of 65 given a marriage of any reasonable length.

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              • #37
                Very helpful, Hammerdad. Thank you. May I ask, is this rule of 65 a well established 'norm' in family courts, a formal formula or just "the way things go"?

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                • #38
                  Originally posted by Murphy1969 View Post
                  Very helpful, Hammerdad. Thank you. May I ask, is this rule of 65 a well established 'norm' in family courts, a formal formula or just "the way things go"?
                  If entitlement has been established, then the rule of 65 I would say is close to the norm unless the other party can argue that it shouldn't apply. I mean, if the couple is 63 and were married for 3 years, than the rule of 65 isn't likely to apply.

                  The rule of 65, which isn't as much of a rule as much as a guideline, is for those who were long term marriages where one spouse sacrificed their career and potential promotions and earnings for the benefit of the family.

                  It isn't for those who earn like a $10k difference (or within 45'ish% of the net family income) and careers proceeded normally as it would if not for the relationship.

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                  • #39
                    Yes I was referring to the "rule of 65" and in the OPs case her age to qualify under this rule would be 41.

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                    • #40
                      Age at time of separation + length of marriage

                      If it is 65 or more then Spousal Support may be indefinite.

                      Agree with HammerDad in that there are MANY factors considered in determining amount and duration. Also, if there is a substantial settlement in lieu of SS.

                      I may have made an error/typo. If that is the case I apologize. Sometimes I type in the dark.

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                      • #41
                        According to the original post, they were married for 19 years so she would have to be 46 for the rule to apply. It is very likely, if she is entitled, that she would get support for 19 years at least.

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                        • #42
                          The husband was/is 65 yrs of age and in poor health. Her best bet would be to request lump sum payout in lieu of ongoing support. I'm sure her lawyer would advise same.

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