help me understand

[tugofwar]

I don't understand things. Why is my ex who claims to be the happiest now in 5 years (left 1 yr ago) seem so mad and bitter at me? He's the one that wanted out and I gave it to him. He claims to be happy etc but it doesn't show.
He's angry, yelling, screaming, sends horrible email messages. All I want to do is let go too but we have a child together and now are bound to each other for years to come......
Help me understand. I have no will to look or even start dating again. As much as I know I cant be with him I find myself not wanting to be with anyone else. Even the thought of having to listen to someone talking about something that doesn't interest me just makes me want to puke right now.

[wretchedotis]

Human nature I guess.
My ex left me too, and altough she is not outright mean to me in her communications and whatnot - there is a not so hidden thread of hate evident to me. It seems anything I suggest is completely wrong, and all she wants is to push me as far away from our son (and therefore herself too) as she possibly can. As you say - kind of hard to do considering we will be raising a child together for the next 20 years.

I wish I could offer clearer insight, but I will say I have very strong negative emotions about her myself - so I guess it works both ways to some degree.
My hope is that with time, once all this legal bs wraps up and we are no longer enemies in court that we can put stuff behind us and get along better. The hard part is waiting for then to be now.

[billiechic]

exactly. It doesn't matter how hard I try to make this easier, he won't cooperate. Like he thinks I am out to get him or take something from him. No matter what I say and no matter how much he agrees, the minute he talks to someone else he gets angry and defensive again.

You could sort of say I left him, but not really. He stopped being a participant in our marriage at least 6 months before we actually separated. And the day he beat me sealed the deal. While I was the one who finally said "it's over" he is the one who made that happen. I never gave up on our marriage until that day. Apparently he never woke up to the reality until after we had separated

[tugofwar]

Our marriage was over for a few years, then we had a child which made things I guess worse for him. Didn't get any support with him, didn't want her, thought that I child will not fix our marriage even though she was somewhat planned and I guess I was just nieve just thinking this was all just a part of his mental disorder. Guess he had me convinced. Now I look back at all the warning signs and the things I went thru and couldn't believe we made as long as we did!
I left him with our child because it was clear he didn't want anything to do with her and me to some degree. I didn't leave thinking I would never come back. Thought we needed a break, gather our thoughts etc but he decided we were not made for each other.
Everything was fine and dandy 1st when I left. He was free to do and say as he pleases. Only had to see his daughter every 2-3 weeks for a few hours. Didn't have to pay or give her cs or me anything. Now that I finally said enough is enough is when things started to get ugly and felt I had no other option then to take him to court. I basically said I would never give up on him, and part of that is still true but I can't hold onto something that isn't there right?
It's all about the financial stuff. This is now when things started to get bad. No matter what I do or say in the best interest of our child, it's always the opposite with him. I say white, he says black. I just dont know what to do anymore.
nice thing is my 17 month daughter just found some pictures and handed me a picture of us from our engagement. Said mama and pointed to me and when I said who's this, daddy she just looked at me and said nothing
I need a good cry....

[sufferer]

She is just at 17 months and made you cry.Guess my situation where a 6 year old comes back from access (every other week for 2 nights Fr 7-sunday noon)and asks --MOM all the dads are so nice with their children and spend time with them >why don't he (inserted name not papa/dad) even talk to us(her and the younger brother).As per her he jsut put them in a room with tv and sits next to her gf and whisper.Finally she ended --mom are you sure he is our real dad ?

[tugofwar]

Sorry, that's a sad story. Why is it about the quantity of time and not quality of time that's being looked at as well when dealing with custody. That's sad about them just watching tv and looks like he'd rather be with the GF then the kids...
That just breaks my heart

[NBDad]

It's normal and natural. He's facing a serious uphill battle in terms of custody, access and child support. (assuming he even WANTS to be part of the kids life).

My lawyer tried to tell me that after almost a year "things shouldn't be this volatile, it's not normal". I literally laughed in his face. Not normal...story of my life.

All I can say is be the bigger person. Try to weather the storm as best you can. Find something to occupy your time/thoughts to get you through.

[tugofwar]

It's normal and natural. He's facing a serious uphill battle in terms of custody, access and child support. (assuming he even WANTS to be part of the kids life).

My lawyer tried to tell me that after almost a year "things shouldn't be this volatile, it's not normal". I literally laughed in his face. Not normal...story of my life.

All I can say is be the bigger person. Try to weather the storm as best you can. Find something to occupy your time/thoughts to get you through.

Thanks NBDad. It's just been too much for all three of us to do all at once. Start weekly visits, try to be civil to each other (hasn't happened since court papers were served). Im trying to stay focused and try to make drop offs and pick ups as positive as I can. But, it's a battle. I say nothing about her, he says why I dont tell him stuff, I tell him stuff- Im trying to control everything. He surprises me with things and in my human nature to respond because I feel he's not taking any consideration about her safety. How could he? Wants to just say hi and bye during pick ups, Ive been trying to do that......