We're *this* close to finalizing parenting stuff.
I'm not elated by the schedule, and neither is my ex...so according to my lawyer- that usually signals that it's a good agreement.
While my ex is still supposed to go to therapy - in our co-parenting sessions he just comes back and tells me how he was justified in his actions. It's all just the bullshit stuff that abusive partners always come back with- lack of insight, lack of ownership of their behaviour and blaming their behaviour on everyone else.
Here's the thing- he was abusive. I'm not going to explain or justify this. He was.
I'm afraid for my daughter. I don't mind if he's an asshole or incompetent dad (at the moment)...Like Janus says- anyone can LEARN how to parent. So he can learn to parent her- make her food, treat her skin, etc etc...that is not my concern.
My concern is- how do I resolve my fears about the person he IS? The abusive person. The guy that loses his shit when he's angry- and throws things- or belittles and tries to intimidate people. What if he calls her all the names he's called me? What if he cocks his hand back near her head like hes going to hit her? What if he gets pissed off at me and takes it out on her? She's still SO young. When she's older- she'll tell me. But she's not even 3 yet.
I've tried to put in as many safeguards as I can in the agreement. I'm requesting that we continue to see our co-parent therapist once a month during the transitional phase of the schedule (we basically agree to keep adding time, then days, then nights over the next 1.5 years). And at least once a year thereafter.
I know if I don't find a balance through compromise- I face the chance the courts will give me a shittier schedule. But I just don't know how to resolve this fear. I know it's *MY* fear. But that's because I know the person he can be.
Settlement conference on Monday.
I'm not elated by the schedule, and neither is my ex...so according to my lawyer- that usually signals that it's a good agreement.
While my ex is still supposed to go to therapy - in our co-parenting sessions he just comes back and tells me how he was justified in his actions. It's all just the bullshit stuff that abusive partners always come back with- lack of insight, lack of ownership of their behaviour and blaming their behaviour on everyone else.
Here's the thing- he was abusive. I'm not going to explain or justify this. He was.
I'm afraid for my daughter. I don't mind if he's an asshole or incompetent dad (at the moment)...Like Janus says- anyone can LEARN how to parent. So he can learn to parent her- make her food, treat her skin, etc etc...that is not my concern.
My concern is- how do I resolve my fears about the person he IS? The abusive person. The guy that loses his shit when he's angry- and throws things- or belittles and tries to intimidate people. What if he calls her all the names he's called me? What if he cocks his hand back near her head like hes going to hit her? What if he gets pissed off at me and takes it out on her? She's still SO young. When she's older- she'll tell me. But she's not even 3 yet.
I've tried to put in as many safeguards as I can in the agreement. I'm requesting that we continue to see our co-parent therapist once a month during the transitional phase of the schedule (we basically agree to keep adding time, then days, then nights over the next 1.5 years). And at least once a year thereafter.
I know if I don't find a balance through compromise- I face the chance the courts will give me a shittier schedule. But I just don't know how to resolve this fear. I know it's *MY* fear. But that's because I know the person he can be.
Settlement conference on Monday.
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