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  • #61
    Got my shit together. Ouch post about dry cleaner. I am considering lifestyle change. Sort of like minimum stay at cottage live on 20 k a year. I do not want my wife to control my lifestyle by her financial demands. Would like to her comments on that post.

    Reagards - Craig

    Wow. Just a sway of up and down emotional state today!

    Comment


    • #62
      I understand your angst at the situation. 30 yrs is a lifetime. However, at 55 you are still young enough to have many good years to come.

      It's hard to stay out of the fight and the drama of the whole thing, particularly after so many years of marriage. You have built a life together and it's quite frightening to see it crumble in a matter of weeks.

      I am convinced that in my situation that if my ex and I had been able to talk more and litigate less then we would have saved a pile of money and perhaps we still wouldn't be in court. I tried but my ex immediately shacked up with an employee's wife after we separated. His family and the g/f did everything they could do to ensure that we never talked. I have to say that people are very quick to give advice to "stay away" from the ex when really you should be trying all you can do to find a workable solution. My ex instead has opted for the high conflict way of going about things. I have no option but to play along. I can't afford to just walk away.

      I think you have to find a way, either directly or through a trusted 3rd party, to explain to your wife that the money-train will indeed end at some point in time. You could be a bastard like my ex and keep her in court for years to come or the two of you can figure out the best way to maintain the assets/income you both currently enjoy.

      She is going to be told a very convincing story by her lawyer. She will be shown enticing ranges of SS she "might" receive. These tables could be between 7,000.00 - 10,000.00/month for all you know. The lawyers will be looking at your average monthly cash-flow (no expenses taken into consideration of course) just to get things going.

      Comment


      • #63
        Read up on "intentional underemployment"

        You can do whatever you want to do but SS will likely be set at your average income over past 3 years. IF you decide to not work, the court doesn't care, you will become one of many tens of thousands of people who have a maintenance enforcement program after them. Your drivers' license and passport get yanked. When you decide to claim CPP the government will give 1/2 to your ex.

        I know this only too well. My ex no longer has a passport and he barely is able to keep his drivers' license. All of his future tax & GST/HST refunds are sent my way. If he tries to pull any more stunts with the g/f then the maintenance enforcement people will start playing hard-ball with their bank accounts (should have happened several years ago).

        Cash under the table? There are always people who seem to get a great deal of enjoyment on ratting on people who do this.

        Comment


        • #64
          Forgot to add - while Canada is a no-fault divorce country, one of the best things I did when I kicked my ex's ass to the curb was to file for divorce due to adultery. It let me get the deed done in under 1 year (normal waiting period for standard divorce). Every time I walk into a court room I am cognizant that the judges know that my ex is a "cheater." His credibility will always be questionable due to this and his numerous false affidavits.

          Just another reason to try to settle things in a calm and quiet manner with your wife.

          Ooops - forgot something else. Did you know that if you don't negotiate some sort of deal that keeps you out of court (final lump sum in lieu of monthly spousal support), you will be expected to provide full financial disclosure to your ex likely for the rest of your life. So be aware that if you think you can "take a few years off" and have a "simple, quiet life" at the cottage and then come back full-tilt into the workload and make a killing.... Your ex will be able to re-open the Spousal Support issue.


          I don't mean to be a total downer but really think that many people start divorce negotiations without knowing any of this. Just be aware that there are checks and balances all along the way. You aren't the first person who wants their past income earning years to disappear.

          Comment


          • #65
            Just finally realized what SS stands for. Financially and emotionally devastating it surely is. Without prying and do not answer if you are uncomfortable but are your financials roughly in the range of mine? Also, your comment about SS being based on my average income for past 3 years I am good if you base it on t4. We did income splitting for cra purposes even though my wife never worked for the co. Read between the lines on that although a judge friend says it is not his responsibility to monitor for cra issues lol. Thanks you for response Arabian

            Comment


            • #66
              Self-employed? Forget the tax returns - meaningless. How/when/why you file your taxes are totally irrelevant. Reason being that things you get to write-off (cell phone, car, travel, meals etc.) on taxes don't count as legit business expenses for determination of SS. Cars and company equipment, etc. are depreciable assets. My ex tried that one and the judge stopped him in his tracks. They aren't stupid.

              Yes we were high income. We owned a trucking company (big rigs). High expenses (fuel, equipment, maintenance) and lots of places to "wash" money. I was a full partner in the business and because of my knowledge my ex has been unable to pull any fast ones since we divorced.

              Year prior to our separation I was in hospital having a hysterectomy. I was pretty sick for a while. I do give my ex credit for being very sneaky and moving assets around when I wasn't home. In a matter of 3 weeks time he managed to move all the company money and pretty much all of the assets and there was nothing I could do about it. While I was full partner in an incorporated business, because it was determined to be a "family law matter" the police would do nothing. In the end my ex went personally bankrupt which left me, by default bankruptcy law, as sole owner of a company, along with all the debt. So the only way I can recover anything is through SS. So yeah I know the in's and out's of this end of SS.

              Fact that your wife never worked is not good news for you. She will indeed be able to be legally dependent upon you for the rest of her life. Some people in this situation simply do not divorce but rather make an "arrangement" of sorts.

              If I were you, but not knowing any of your particulars, I'd be seeing if there is a way you can make a deal with her (lump sum, even if you have to make 3 or 4 payments - whatever the two of you work out).

              So which one of you cheated?

              Comment


              • #67
                Lol. Which one of us cheated. Honest to god truth neither. Have not had sex since we separated and dollars over donuts says she has not either. Gotta admit I do mix the sex.

                I also think your business and my business are too vastly different to make the statements you did. I do appreciate your feedback though. Food for thought.

                Let me throw this out there. Wtf do you base SS on then? Her opening angry lawyer letter said 4k a month if I am remembering correctly. I did what i call a trial close a 3k a month with a lawyer friend of mine and he choked on his beer in laughter. Because he is friends with wife and me I did not push further but we r close and I am pretty sure that was he way of saying higher please if your lucky. I certainly hope I am wrong.

                Comment


                • #68
                  Bank statements are a start.

                  You mentioned you were in real estate? Well then you can work for anyone. Realtors are making a killing in parts of the country nowadays so you will get little sympathy on having a difficult time making a living unless you are in northern BC. LOL.

                  You were married for 30 years. Your wife knows your business and your contacts probably alot better than you think she does. Her new-found lawyer will have many ways to prove your income. If you happen to have done many "cash" deals then this will be brought forward and yes, the judge would error on caution and up the amount of SS to the higher end of the scale.

                  Bank statements & credit card statements. Real Estate boards also contain much information.

                  So you and your wife aren't cheaters. Hmmm - one of you must be a drunk or the two of you are simply broke and are in the midst of the "blame-game"? LOL.

                  Comment


                  • #69
                    I never mentioned I was in real estate anywhere but somewhere I noticed somebody seemed to think I was. My wife know absolutely nothing about my business. Please give me a break on the reasons for a break up. Neither of us drank much. Neither of us used non prescription drugs. There is no blame game going on. Sometimes people drift apart. Truth: I left. I sometimes regret my decision. She was lazy. She wanted everything for nothing other than to keep house tidy. I did everything so she could spend 1/2 a day every day with grandchildren and then shop. Ya happy now lol.

                    Hey. Where do ya get broke. I posted my financials by memory. Obviously they are not perfect. Apparently I am a liar too man hater.

                    Comment


                    • #70
                      Originally posted by Craigerst View Post
                      I never mentioned I was in real estate anywhere but somewhere I noticed somebody seemed to think I was. My wife know absolutely nothing about my business. Please give me a break on the reasons for a break up. Neither of us drank much. Neither of us used non prescription drugs. There is no blame game going on. Sometimes people drift apart. Truth: I left. I sometimes regret my decision. She was lazy. She wanted everything for nothing other than to keep house tidy. I did everything so she could spend 1/2 a day every day with grandchildren and then shop. Ya happy now lol.

                      Hey. Where do ya get broke. I posted my financials by memory. Obviously they are not perfect. Apparently I am a liar too man hater.
                      It is cheaper to keep her, this probably applies to you more than most

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                      • #71
                        Too expensive not to love is another

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                        • #72
                          Not a man-hater but I will apologize for asking you about the reason for your break-up. It is not my business nor is it relative. Your question asking me about my income isn't relative to your post either though.

                          Your wife is stupid, lazy and only wants to keep the house clean and watch the grandchildren. Poor you.

                          I'm sure your "lawyer friend" will help you out next time over a few brews. Happy litigating!

                          Comment


                          • #73
                            Ouch! Sorry to offend. Seriously I am. I am not here to offend at all. Neither of our questions were appropriate you are correct. As far as a few brews in Ontario a few means 3 and that means bye bye license if you are driving. As said before spouse or I were never big drinkers but this conversation is going way off topic. Have a great evening Arabian and talk to ya later.

                            Comment


                            • #74
                              Originally posted by Craigerst View Post
                              I never mentioned I was in real estate anywhere but somewhere I noticed somebody seemed to think I was. My wife know absolutely nothing about my business. Please give me a break on the reasons for a break up. Neither of us drank much. Neither of us used non prescription drugs. There is no blame game going on. Sometimes people drift apart. Truth: I left. I sometimes regret my decision. She was lazy. She wanted everything for nothing other than to keep house tidy. I did everything so she could spend 1/2 a day every day with grandchildren and then shop. Ya happy now lol.

                              Hey. Where do ya get broke. I posted my financials by memory. Obviously they are not perfect. Apparently I am a liar too man hater.
                              you don't have to justify why the split happened. People do grow apart especially in a long term marriage. You married at a young age and people do change over the years due to life in general. I know that I am not the same person that I was at 20.

                              Comment


                              • #75
                                Thanks. I all of a sudden wondered why was I justifying it and getting all upset when I come here to learn mostly about my coming financial situation. I appreciate your comment.

                                Comment

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