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What was the main reason for your relationship breakdown?

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  • #16
    Other: Artistic differences?

    While my wife and I are on a maybe/maybe not course of (in)action, I chose other as the typical reasons don't seem to apply.

    Facing middle-age as an artist she feels in a panic to get out there and make a name for herself before its too late. This was brewing for a while. I didn't like the people in the music/writing crowd I had dealt w/thru her for the years so she took less and less of interest in being a wife and mother. To an outside observer her choice might look absurd, or at least monumentally selfish.

    My contribution to the problem was to try and hold too tight; the more I tried to control an unravelling situation the more she rebelled. (She has parent abuse issues that have come home to roost in middle age; this happens.) It was a bad cycle, so I'm not blameless.

    Yes there's a guy kinda though she now says its platonic (huh?) but in the meantime I'm a single parent while she's out; mind you the boys are 18 and 10. I've asked for a divorce so I can have clarity, the boys and move on but she's holding out for the summer right now. Very much of two or three minds my wife. She can't just expect me (or any of us) to just wait (faithful 20 years and holding; I didn't find it hard to achieve.

    Good luck and thx for the help on this site; it really helps. K

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    • #17
      Originally posted by Ariana
      My x is a non-abusive cerebral narcissist - obsessed with himself. If you understand anything about narcissists, they simply aren't capable of having genuine relationships.
      Here you this. K

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      • #18
        other

        my ex in a nutshell was and still is an ass to our child and myself.....

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        • #19
          Death of our nine year old daughter.

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          • #20
            Spousal abuse, financial issues from a gambling and drug addiction

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            • #21
              Spousal abuse, child abuse, and financial issues.....terrified to see my 7 year old son starting to act like his father in total lack of respect for women.

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              • #22
                I divorced him because I don't like his girlfriend.

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                • #23
                  financial issues, different personalities,

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                  • #24
                    I'm seeing a lot of my own answers up here - all better put than I was going to write.
                    Peggy nailed it back in 2006 (which coincidentally is when I discovered my ex husbands 6th?7th? girlfriend). Different parenting styles, narcissistic personality, egocentric surrounding the penis and definately financial.
                    Infidelity was the nail in the coffin though.

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                    • #25
                      Don't get alon

                      We argue all the time and there was no way out of it. I am sorry for the divorce and I wish I can fix it but he wants me to admit that everthing went wrong is my fault and it is not true

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                      • #26
                        Alcohol.

                        The message I have entered is too short so I added this.

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                        • #27
                          Mine was a culmination of things. Years of verbal and emotional abuse, he was very controlling until he had no choice but to allow me back into the workforce due to financial hardship. After that I had an inkling that something was going on between him & our nanny (17 years his junior.. aged 17 to 18 when living with us). I had them leave in August 2005, they moved in together & she was pregnant with their first child together by January 2006!

                          It's taken me a long time to move past the abuse, the self-esteem issues, the control, but every day I get stronger. I have had severe trust issues for the last 3 years, and recently started seeing someone I have known as an acquaintance for a couple years. It's a new world for me, and for the children as there is no yelling, no fighting, no confusion. They adore him, and he adores them.
                          There really is a lot to look forward to if you first take the time to find yourself again, and re-learn that you have more strength and abilities than you ever thought you did. It's so worth it to wait.

                          Best of luck to everyone.

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                          • #28
                            I am still very sad about ourbreak-up. Our doughter is a year, and there was a real lack of interest on my ex's part. He didn't feel it was necessary to engage much with her when she was young because she didn't engage back. He is also a workaholic who rarely made time for us, and often just came home in the evening to eat, and then went back to work. I tried to be supportive, but taking care of our daughter, who never slept well and left me exhauted daily, walking our high energy dog, cooking, cleaning, shopping and doing laundry left me feeling so unlike my old self. I asked him for time to my self, but I never got it, not once. His work needs were always first.
                            What's sad now is that he makes time for her per his visitation schedule, and is actually spending one on one time with her, which I am happy about. If he had just made that time for us before I don't think I would have become so unhappy.

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                            • #29
                              In my husband's case they were too young, and having their first child sent him into the "we ned to make more money" panic, so he started driving truck long haul. all went well for about 3 yrs, then she moved in with her boyfriend, then moved back. They tried to work things out, but when she had a suspicious second pregnancy and confessed to cheating with her boyfriend in the marital home it was tough. She eventually left for good.

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                              • #30
                                I answered clashing personalities, but that would include parenting styles. We always argued on this, we simply don't have the same values. The problem is, it's not necessarily easier to deal with once you're separated. We are both still parents, and we don't agree more...

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