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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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  #11  
Old 06-06-2016, 03:59 PM
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Exclamation It shouldn't be that long!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tayken View Post
I doubt this. People who are willing to share their personal troubles on message boards general share in a wider audience. I would really seriously consider Arabian and Stripes recommendations. You come off very terse at times. You really need to do some litigation refining before you go on a stand.

Hopefully your lawyer does a mock trial with you and cross examines you so you get some practice.
By the way, the first time I appeared before the judge, my lawyer congratulated me for my exemplary behavior . The other party was yelling, swearing and crying at all issues.

Again, maybe it's because I'm truthful, honest and have nothing to hide. A lot of people here on ODF only share the good behaviour they had in their separation but do not touch a word on what they have done wrong. Being said, it is harder to provide better advice or to get the proper advice as the community don't have the true story and/or the whole story. For those who have passed through this perilous path and now admit never having had a grudge against their ex ... I'll yell " bu****it " because you're not telling the truth. We are all human , and in the midst of war , it is difficult to take everything lightly. Especially when you present concessions that are constantly ignored.

Remember that I went very open with my case by sharing my "real story". This way, if someone else faces the same in the future, my threads will be a good reference for their case as well. Also to make it clear, not only I get tired of my STBX not being cooperative in resolving our issues, but I am also tired of this legal process. As stated in my title; It shouldn't be that long!" They make it long only to dig more in your pocket. I'm not only talking about my case but went to see several others (abusedad, lovingfather32, plainnamedad44, Links17, etc...) and it does not matter if DV did happened or not. As long as it was brought, fathers are doomed for the next 2-3 years.

For some fathers it does not make a difference as they have probably not spend a lot of time with their children. But for me, being everyday with
them and falling suddenly to 5% of parenting with no decision to take... really it's a pitfall. This past Saturday, I had to force my D8 to get moving as I didn't want to be late to bring her back to her mom. She was crying she wanted to stay for the night. Then she got into her makeup things and I had to put everything away. She got angry at me and the best I could do was to explain to her that eventually, she will get to stay but we are not there yet. You see, I didn't have to rush my time when I use to be with my kids and now, that's all I'm doing. RUSH, RUsh, Rush!. Why? Because of my STBX? ...no because of the system. The Family Law is primary the #1 responsible for breaking the tides between the parent and the child. Oh, and I was over 5 minutes late to bring back my kids to their mom.

Now, to reiterate what I have already mentioned, I have nothing more to do, nothing else to prove. I gave everything to the Court and to the other party and I only have to wait... wait and wait. All my requests for custody and parenting have been filed. If there is an adjournment, nothing I can do but wait. There was three adjournments since March where I could have gain more parenting time but there is nothing I can do but just wait. For how long will I have to face this continuous play? I get it. I'll try to follow your advice and take it with a big .

This week, when I'll show up at Court, I'll make sure I still have that smile in my face to show the other party that I keep on moving forward.
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  #12  
Old 06-06-2016, 04:23 PM
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Oh one last thing to add.

Peace will surely come a day between the parties but only in a few years when the dispute will be further behind.

This is especially true for the vast majority of the odf community.
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  #13  
Old 06-06-2016, 07:46 PM
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yeah well... that didn't happen in my case. My divorce was arbitrated 9 months after I filed for divorce in 2009. My ex has keep me in court ever since that time although it is now 1 x yearly. As long as one party has the financial means to keep litigating it can go on and on and one....

Hope no one ever has to endure what I have gone through for the past 6 years. Hard to get closure and move on although I'm doing my best.
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  #14  
Old 06-06-2016, 11:29 PM
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Peace is over-rated, perpetual warfare has its uses... unless of course the ex wants to reimburse me all the alimony, child support and public acknowledge she cheated with my close friend and I wasn't abusive or bad in anyway, then we can have peace...

Peace without reparations is forfeiture after the fact.,..
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  #15  
Old 06-07-2016, 08:36 AM
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Mafia, in your initial thread you wrote:

Quote:
I met someone in February (the 14th) and once she knew, she became worst. S15 was spending more time with me and she hated it. I had an Easter breakfast with my kids and my new friend and family. She was furious. After Easter, I came home early to find her packing stuff with my kids, her uncle and two aunts. It was past 9h30pm and the kids had school the following day. She took my computer away and some other stuff. Call the police who told me to fix this with my lawyer. My friend told me to take my clothes and go at her place for the night. One of her aunt called the police and... they came. In front of the cops, I told her not to change the locks, as I will still come home to take care of the children. The next Friday, the locks were changed.
Do you have proof of the above?

Tayken has very good threads that assisted me greatly. One such thread stated things like:

Quote:
The honourable justice goes on further to state (my emphasis added on this one):

Quote:
[13] Allegations of abuse may be a symptom of the failure of a relationship. Blame is an inherent part of the allegation. Sometimes it is wholly warranted; other times it is not. When parties are not communicating, any slight or criticism is magnified. There is a tendency to minimize the other spouse’s good qualities and maximize the bad. Warring spouses are rarely in a position to step back and evaluate the other’s behaviour with objective eyes. Nor are they able to critically assess their own behaviour...
Read this thread carefully .. judges in my case were influenced by it's content.
http://www.ottawadivorce.com/forum/f...ase-law-16809/

You met someone --->your ex left when she found out and unilaterally halted your parenting time. This will be a significant part of your case.

Sounds like .. you shared primary parent responsibilities. (Rack up your evidence).

Yea you sound pissed off. So did I when I first came on. Good reason for it .. I WAS .. and you are. Keep your patience in check, no vilifying your ex .. let her do all that. Judges see right through it.

I forget .. you have a record? Ever any DV, child abuse, drug charges? Has she ever accused you of anything before?

Stripes wrote:
Quote:
From your posts, you come across as someone with very high levels of anger and hostility towards your ex, which will not serve you well in court (especially as I believe you were facing criminal charges in connection with statements about wanting to kill her, and have also refused mediation?)
I get that you stood beside the water cooler at work and mumbled some dumb crap .. honestly who doesn't? I heard a female colleague just say the other day "If she wears the same dress as me I'll strangle her". Should we send to the warrant? Sometimes I say "I'd kill for some ice cream right now". Should I be sent to death row? Yep, death threats are serious .. but I kind of see what happened there, and so will the judge. Stop saying dumb stuff, no room for error now pal.

Right now your heart's typing .. another human being saw that you met somebody and left that same day she found out. WD's life became very tough when ex found out he met someone also.

You'll have to ride the wave on this one. Take your coat off and stay awhile. Read all my threads from the beginning .. it'll take you through everything. I felt what you're feeling .. it's bloody horrendous to have your kids taken away for no good reason. We get jay walking tickets and speeding tickets but abduction is allowed as a status quo strategy even in the absence of any proof. I know what it feels like to have your rights trampled on .. knowing your kids are somewhere missing you.... it's a disgusting feeling. One that nobody will ever understand unless they've been through it.

I wouldn't be sitting around waiting for trial twiddling my thumbs .. get your S*&t together...your FLR's/CLRA/Caselaw/Factms/Quality exhibits.

Get used to the feeling of being beaten down. The game is to wear you down until you fold. Dont fold.

LF32

Last edited by LovingFather32; 06-07-2016 at 08:38 AM.
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  #16  
Old 06-08-2016, 12:48 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LovingFather32 View Post
Do you have proof of the above?
Of course... Police records, pictures, all emails between the parties after the event.

Quote:
Originally Posted by LovingFather32 View Post
Tayken has very good threads that assisted me greatly.
Read this thread carefully .. judges in my case were influenced by it's content.
http://www.ottawadivorce.com/forum/f...ase-law-16809/
I did and already took note of it as I've been following your threads since Spring 2015. Tayken has provided lots of advice but most of them were initially taken from your threads.


Quote:
Originally Posted by LovingFather32 View Post
Sounds like .. you shared primary parent responsibilities. (Rack up your evidence).
All done. It took months and money but it was served to the other party two weeks ago in response to their affidavit and as evidences.

Quote:
Originally Posted by LovingFather32 View Post
Yea you sound pissed off. So did I when I first came on. Good reason for it .. I WAS .. and you are. Keep your patience in check, no vilifying your ex .. let her do all that. Judges see right through it.
This is the hardest part. I can stand quiet and respectful. Confident that something good will be decided in my favor. But it is long. The wait is perilously long. Within myself, I resends constantly a pressure that keeps on suffocating me and seems as if I would be about to explode. You know the feeling when you cry for help and looks like you are being ignored or no one hears you.



Quote:
Originally Posted by LovingFather32 View Post
I forget .. you have a record? Ever any DV, child abuse, drug charges? Has she ever accused you of anything before?
Beside that incident that got dismissed, nothing in the past. She made false allegations of DV during our 15 years of union but nothing to prove. Not a tiny weeny evidence. She took the opportunity of the incident to make it look very bad.


Quote:
Originally Posted by LovingFather32 View Post
I get that you stood beside the water cooler at work and mumbled some dumb crap .. honestly who doesn't? Yep, death threats are serious .. but I kind of see what happened there, and so will the judge. Stop saying dumb stuff, no room for error now pal.
When things are not going well, to whom do you talk? Your PSY? No really you talk to family and friends. But when those people are too far, you will talk to people that you see every day. That is your co-workers. Yes I was frustrated of the whole situation. If you ever get between Mother Bear and Little Bear, I can guarantee you to run as quickly and far as you can because no matter what, she will see you as a threat to her baby bear. Maybe I felt the same way when I lost access to my kids.

Quote:
Originally Posted by LovingFather32 View Post
You'll have to ride the wave on this one. Take your coat off and stay awhile. Read all my threads from the beginning .. it'll take you through everything. I felt what you're feeling .. it's bloody horrendous to have your kids taken away for no good reason. We get jay walking tickets and speeding tickets but abduction is allowed as a status quo strategy even in the absence of any proof. I know what it feels like to have your rights trampled on .. knowing your kids are somewhere missing you.... it's a disgusting feeling. One that nobody will ever understand unless they've been through it.

I wouldn't be sitting around waiting for trial twiddling my thumbs .. get your S*&t together...your FLR's/CLRA/Caselaw/Factms/Quality exhibits.
Get used to the feeling of being beaten down. The game is to wear you down until you fold. Dont fold.

LF32
LF32, thank you for your compassion and for the advice you gave me. Like I said, I've been following your threads for so long and I must admit that I stole most of the advice that people on ODF gave you. So basically I did all this. I was so happy and joyful when your daughter was able to return to his father. This gave me hope and courage to revive the paternal presence that my kids deserve.

I will fight for the rights of my children. I won't fold.
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  #17  
Old 06-08-2016, 01:29 AM
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Have you sought some kind of counselling or therapy? I'm not saying there is something wrong with you, but your situation is extremely stressful and when you write things like this:

The wait is perilously long. Within myself, I resends constantly a pressure that keeps on suffocating me and seems as if I would be about to explode. You know the feeling when you cry for help and looks like you are being ignored or no one hears you.

... I worry that some day you will explode, with negative consequences for your case and your parenting. Having some place where you can talk about your feelings freely and be sure that someone is really listening to you (not just strangers on the internet) could help a lot with the 'explosive' feelings.
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  #18  
Old 06-08-2016, 01:54 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by stripes View Post
Have you sought some kind of counselling or therapy? I'm not saying there is something wrong with you, but your situation is extremely stressful...
Yes I did. This helped somewhat to get through each steps. The most difficult step having to accept that I won't see my children every day from now on. Yes you get to pass through this and live with it. The best you can do is cherish the moment you get to spend with your kids as most as possible when it is your parenting time.

Some people will say that it's a long process but eventually things will settled and you will keep on going. It could be acceptable for the first couple of months but when you get over two years, going on three... counselling and therapy becomes useless as the cancer gets bigger and bigger.

The best therapy I can now follow is to ignore what my ex is arguing about (she is still in the past) and concentrate on what is favorable for my children.
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  #19  
Old 06-08-2016, 09:35 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mafia007 View Post
Of course... Police records, pictures, all emails between the parties after the event.



I did and already took note of it as I've been following your threads since Spring 2015. Tayken has provided lots of advice but most of them were initially taken from your threads.




All done. It took months and money but it was served to the other party two weeks ago in response to their affidavit and as evidences.



This is the hardest part. I can stand quiet and respectful. Confident that something good will be decided in my favor. But it is long. The wait is perilously long. Within myself, I resends constantly a pressure that keeps on suffocating me and seems as if I would be about to explode. You know the feeling when you cry for help and looks like you are being ignored or no one hears you.





Beside that incident that got dismissed, nothing in the past. She made false allegations of DV during our 15 years of union but nothing to prove. Not a tiny weeny evidence. She took the opportunity of the incident to make it look very bad.




When things are not going well, to whom do you talk? Your PSY? No really you talk to family and friends. But when those people are too far, you will talk to people that you see every day. That is your co-workers. Yes I was frustrated of the whole situation. If you ever get between Mother Bear and Little Bear, I can guarantee you to run as quickly and far as you can because no matter what, she will see you as a threat to her baby bear. Maybe I felt the same way when I lost access to my kids.



LF32, thank you for your compassion and for the advice you gave me. Like I said, I've been following your threads for so long and I must admit that I stole most of the advice that people on ODF gave you. So basically I did all this. I was so happy and joyful when your daughter was able to return to his father. This gave me hope and courage to revive the paternal presence that my kids deserve.

I will fight for the rights of my children. I won't fold.
The wait is the hardest part. But if you use every minute wisely the wait is actually advantageous.

I used to send blitz e-mails:
- Mediation offers (I know you already tried this)
- Exchange of Separation Agreements
- Ourfamilywizard.com
- Reasonable offers to settle
- Exchange of Parenting Plans
- Take Parenting After Separation Courses
- Take First Aid/CPR courses

1. You have no criminal convictions.
2. No history of domestic violence or child abuse
3. Tender clean drug tests (I did hair follicle, liver enzymes, urine, etc)
4. No history with CAS

__________________________________________

This is the part I'd hammer down on:

The catalyst to her packing the things, changing locks on doors and saying you have no more kids was "You met someone and went for Easter dinner with them"

Judge won't like that. That's not abuse/drugs, etc. Really emphasize this.

Then she capitalized on your stupid social convo around the water cooler with buddies at work .. which the courts also spit on and threw out.

You dont have abad case
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  #20  
Old 06-11-2016, 05:20 PM
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Default After Motion #1 - updates

Hello ODF Community,

Here is an update of my case following our first Motion.

The issues that were still contested by the OP and were to be brought before the judge;

1- Arrears of CS for Y 2015
2- CS for 2016 should be based on which salary?
3- SS entitlement
4- Access and parenting time
5- matrimonial home
6- Children best interest
7- Financial disclosure on pending issues

Before we appeared in front of the judge, both counsels were negotiating on some issues.

1- Arrears of CS for Y 2015... I consent to pay the arrears of CS on my 2015 revenu. In the past, the OP was stating that I should pay the arrears on my 2014 revenu that included my severance pay. But we were still residing together in 2014 and I only lost access to my home and children from Spring 2015... so logically, my arrears should be based on my 2015 revenu and Severance Pay is not to be included as revenu as it was showing in my Financial Disclosure, and STBX was already entitled to her share. It was double dipping.
It doesn't matter if my "lost of access" was not fare or not (my
children were abducted in some way...) to the law, from the time where the children were in care of the mother, I have to pay full table amount. I've searched through CanLII for any judgements and couldn't find nothing So no arguing, I agreed to pay retro arrears of CS now based on my 2015 salary. Done.

PS - For people going on motions and trial, when you know you will lose on an issue, do not fight it before the judge. You will give the OP entitlement to costs... Be safe and search for your own information. Do not rely only on your lawyer for advice. This could save you lots of $.

5- Matrimonial home - I gave over 18 months to the ex to buy my share as she wanted the house. After several demands, I changed my position and requested that the house should be sold as she was reluctant to provide proof she could keep the house and buy my share. Before the motion, I consent to give her another month to get an approval from the bank following the motion, otherwise, the house will be listed on the market. I must get a new appraisal of the house to reflect today's value. Basically, I'm giving her the opportunity to show the bank with an order that shows how much she will get in CS and SS for her approval. After 30 days from this minutes, if she fails, house will be listed with a specific agent and conditions. Done.

6- Children best interest - OCL have declined to get involved. We have agreed to retain the service of a professional lawyer in Family Mediation to meet with the children and hear their wishes. Mother states that the children don't want to spend more time with father, but when with father, children are asking when they will stay overnight and spend more time?

7- STBX Lawyer did not understand why his client ex-lawyer did not provide those documents for financial disclosures. The OP consented to provide those documents as per our request with Form 20 ASAP. I guest they were scared as it states clearly on the form that in failing to provide those disclosures, it would be brought before the judge at their costs.

All of these were written on an agreement and signed by both parties and lawyers and a copy was given to the judge.

Points 2, 3 and 4 were addressed to the judge. After the motion, the decision was as followed;

2- CS is to be based on my actual 2016 salary which is the one on invalidity. Due to change of circumstances, I am presently on leave. OP was stating that CS was to be based on my 2015 NOA. But SSAG rules that it should be on actual salary. I won this issue.

3- No SS. Either Financial or Compensatory, even on my real salary or invalidity, and under her income that is not yet "imputed", (she is showing a salary under what she could actually earn as self-employed and her education), the amounts are showing 0$. I won this issue.

4- No increase in access and parenting time. The schedule in place will remain until the lawyer have met with the children and provided a report that will indicate the children's voice. But I gain Father's Day that she was first refusing. Access to be determined at Motion #2 in August.

Overall, as a father, it sucks for the access but following a lot of cases here on ODF, I am not surprise. Even, I could say that I could smell it coming. I am disappointed for my children as changes in access won't happen before the end of August. No quality time with my kids for two years in a row.

I am confident that things are going to get better. I won a lot at this motion that took a lot of stressful weight away. On the OP side, she only won the access schedule to remain at the current stage. So 6 out of 7 issues in my favor.
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