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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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Old 02-21-2015, 02:21 PM
Dadx5 Dadx5 is offline
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Default How would this affect my case

My order as it stands right now I have my daughter from the 13 to the 24th of March without interruption.

I am very grateful to the judge for making the order but the hope was both from myself and the judge when it was originally made was that the mom and myself might be able to work out an a new agreement going forward. This did not happen and mom's behaviour has increased so the case is going to be very drawn out, and OCL is getting involved.

I realize that this long period of my daughter not seeing her mother will be difficult on her. I am considering offering for my daughter to go for a sleepover for one night during the march break. My only concern is will this work against me at our next court appearance if I do this. Technically I would be the one breaking the order, and I would be offering mom extra time which I don't want to set as a precedent but I just don't want my daughter hurt any more then she has to be during this process?

Would love some opinions?
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Old 02-21-2015, 02:23 PM
paris paris is offline
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If you are offering a night that can't possibly hurt you in court. If your daughter wants to go and Mom wants her you should allow it.

The order says you can have her, not that Mom can't.
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Old 02-21-2015, 02:25 PM
Dadx5 Dadx5 is offline
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Daughter hasn't asked. I know thought that she will want to. She has admitted to my wife that she is feeling sad that there is all this fighting and she is confused. I know it would make her happy.

The order does say uninterrupted. It was a penalty against mom for her contempt.

We were in court a few days ago and mom asked for some time during march break, or expansion of her access and judge said no.

But I would like to do it for my daughter if it isn't going to cause a long term problem for my case. I have no doubt that mom would welcome the day as well so there would be no problem on her willingness to take it.
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Old 02-21-2015, 02:46 PM
standing on the sidelines standing on the sidelines is offline
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if it would make your daughter happy then isn't that important. Yes court is all about positioning and posturing but in then end, isn't your daughter being happy trump all that?
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Old 02-21-2015, 02:54 PM
Links17 Links17 is offline
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It can be used against you and its safer not to.

When a judge gives an order you can follow it and always say that you are following the judge's order even if it is stupid. Unless you are exploiting a loophole and even then a judge will just close the loophole.

Non-custodial parents might not see their kids (and vice versa) for 10 days or more. If you let her have the kids during that time because you feel bad for the kid or whatever then it can be used against you to show that your child misses her mom blah blah....

When I get thrown on the street my kids were crying to see me to the point my put a photo of me in their rooms in case the missed me. She never gave me an extra second with the kids other than the order and even when she went on mourning for a few days when her cousin/lover was murdered she still kept the kids with others.... nobody batted an eyelash.

That being said - do what is right and fuck the system if your kid misses her mom and its ok both in then short and long term then do it.

Becareful though sometimes making a kid "happy" isn't always the right decision.
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Old 02-21-2015, 04:10 PM
Stillbreathing Stillbreathing is offline
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Dadx5 you need to tread carefully. The judge structured his order this way for a reason. Your ex asked for time during March break and the judge said no. If you go and give her time despite the court order you are doing three things:
1. You are undermining the judge's decision
2. You are in contempt of court
3. You have just escalated the situation with your ex.

High conflict people like your ex need limit setting on their behaviour when they get out of control. You can not reason with these people. If you could you would not have found yourself in court before a judge. High conflict divorce happens when you have one unreasonable spouse and one "nice" spouse who is accommodating and trying for a win-win situation.
It won't hurt your daughter to spend the entire March break with you. In a year or two or three when your ex has demonstrated she can respect your boundaries then and only then should you consider being flexible. That is if in fact your ex actually does settle down ( she may not).
Good luck.
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Old 02-21-2015, 04:15 PM
Dadx5 Dadx5 is offline
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Thanks I guess I will just leave it the way it is. I just started feeling guilty I guess, I feel bad that my 10 year old is feeling so confused.

Just for the record we were never married, never lived together. It was a very quick fling that resulted in a child and 10 years of legal battle has followed.

I don't think she will ever calm down.
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Old 02-21-2015, 04:24 PM
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blinkandimgone blinkandimgone is offline
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Instead of an overnight, perhaps consider a daytime visit at a third party location, the ex could take the kidlet swimming or somewhere the kid would like to go?

Barring that, phone /Skype access might be an option?
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Old 02-21-2015, 05:19 PM
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Rioe Rioe is offline
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If the judge designed the uninterrupted March Break as a punishment for the mother, what good would it do anybody to undermine it? It might be short-term pain for your daughter, but maybe in the long term it would help with the overall situation. Otherwise, the mother wouldn't learn anything except that she can manipulate you to disobey court orders. The judge was probably also making sure you could go on a holiday with your daughter for the week if you wanted to and the mother couldn't mess it up. Maybe after nearly two weeks of not seeing her daughter, the mother will finally realize what she's accomplished with her antics and tone them down. If you are due in court again, I would not set the precedent of ignoring court orders.

If you really think it is best for your daughter to see her mother during that 'uninterrupted' time, do it in such a way that it's inviting the mother to attend a special event on your time, instead of offering her access of her own. "We'll be at the Museum of Nature on the 17th and the sugar bush on the 19th if you'd like to join us at either of those activities."

Or, you can take off to somewhere fun and warm for the week!

Of course, phone calls and Skype should always be available to your daughter unless it interferes.
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Old 02-21-2015, 07:59 PM
stripes stripes is offline
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Why don't you suggest that she meet up with her mom on her own for dinner and a movie, or lunch and shopping, or some kind of girl-time thing, during March break, if it sounds like she's missing her mom (of course she may not be a girl-time kind of girl, so I don't know, bowling and pizza?). Kid may also be feeling a little bit guilty about all the ruckus that's happened around her (even though she really doesn't have anything to feel guilty about), and seeing her mom might help. The order said your daughter was to reside with you during March break, it didn't say she can't see her mom.
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