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Parenting Issues This forum is for discussing any of the parenting issues involved in your divorce, including parenting of step-children.

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  #11  
Old 07-25-2017, 12:18 AM
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Originally Posted by Berner_Faith View Post
Well as a different perspective... I have been with my husband for almost 8 years and have done pick ups and drop offs for over 7... it has zero to do with a parent not being about to look after their child. This is about a parent being unreasonable and your response to this situation is 100% unreasonable in my opinion. I assume you don't use day care or babysitters or that your children never have sleep overs with friends? Because clearly you are not okay with third parties being involved in the care of the children.
Well said!

What I wish to hear from my children's mouth is that they find Mom's new boyfriend nice and very friendly. I would be sorry if in the course of the next few months they would hate him and find his presence is too much.

Eventually, this could result in the children going to stay with their father.

It's good to always have alternate plans to exercise your parenting time. You can not foresee everything and mishaps can happen ... caught in traffic, an accident, a last minute appointment, illness, car does not start, etc...

You have to be able to trust someone else and your ex must understand that it is also important for the children. Why was it okay for a friend of mine to bring my children to the mall during our marriage and now it is not. It is only to make things more difficult. It's just to show that she does not accept my new relationship.
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  #12  
Old 07-25-2017, 11:17 AM
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This has turned into such an interesting discussion!

I think it HAS to be done on a case by case basis. I would leave my child, or do an exchange to the other parent, with a third party if I trusted that third party. Or even had no reason to distrust that third party. This could be a babysitter, a family member, a new partner, a neighbour, whoever.

If I do not trust the person my ex chose to receive the children, I would not allow them to go with that person. It's just how it is. Unfortunately, unlike some of you from the sounds of it, some new partners are not trustworthy.

Then, there's the communication issue.

If someone I didn't trust, or a complete stranger, arrived to collect my children, and told me my ex asked them to do it but I had not even heard from my ex that this would be the plan, I would not allow the children to go.

It's like summer camp or daycare. If someone who is not on the approved list arrives to pick up the children, they don't just get to take them by simply telling the supervisor one of the parents told them to be there.
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  #13  
Old 07-25-2017, 03:19 PM
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If I do not trust the person my ex chose to receive the children, I would not allow them to go with that person. It's just how it is. Unfortunately, unlike some of you from the sounds of it, some new partners are not trustworthy.
That's it. It doesn't matter who I choose (gf, my mom, my sister, my brother, new family members, friends) she will say no to any of them. Just the fact that they are members on my side of the family, she will not cooperate.

Like 90% of them, they are only playing difficile. The worst, it's not like she doesn't know my sibling and friends! She hates them because they are my side of the family.

For instance, I must admit that I hate her father very deeply as he encouraged her daughter coming back late regularly during our marriage. He had his nose into our family thing a bit too much. But my children are very close to him and like him very much. I will never discourage my children from having a close relationship with their grandfather. They can see him as much as they wish when they are with their mother. I don't care less. I just wish my mother could see them once in a while when she comes to visit. That's only twice in a year as she lives up North.
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  #14  
Old 07-25-2017, 03:45 PM
standing on the sidelines standing on the sidelines is offline
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so if you knew she would say no to whoever it was you would send to pick up the kids then why did you send your gf to begin with?? You already knew she wouldnt allow it.

There are difficult people and then there are people who like to push another persons buttons.
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  #15  
Old 07-25-2017, 05:25 PM
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My partner was always livid about his kids going with their grandfather who had mobility issues and shouldn't be driving but the ex wouldn't hear of it. He would also express his concern over their activities when they traveled, not allowed to say anything ex said. Was beside himself that ex was ok with 16 yo traveling alone but traveling alone to him? DANGEROUS! And if he suggested anything foe the time they spent with him? She had everything to say about it. When she found out they were with me she lost it. It was ridiculous and showed her true intentions exactly.

Difficult and unreasonable people will always cause a problem. Im sure if you picked them up she would still be a pain (as evidenced by the finger). Just remember to make note of it in your updated details via court.


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  #16  
Old 07-26-2017, 12:32 AM
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There are difficult people and then there are people who like to push another persons buttons.
And there are people immersed in ignorance who have difficulty understanding that the court is governed only by the evidence.

Being said, I will not advance anything in front of the justice that is not supported by evidence. Now, I have it and I also have a text message from her stating that the order says "the father will pick up the kids" so she refuses to let them go with my gf. It does not say "only the father"...

This was not planned. My gf's appointment was done around 3h30 pm so she call me to let me know that she would pick up the kids on her way back at 4h00 pm so I didn't need to leave at the same moment. To refuse to let the kids go with my new partner, knowing that we've been spending more than two years together and the kids like her... this is more than unreasonable.
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  #17  
Old 07-26-2017, 06:42 AM
Berner_Faith Berner_Faith is offline
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Originally Posted by mafia007 View Post
And there are people immersed in ignorance who have difficulty understanding that the court is governed only by the evidence.

Being said, I will not advance anything in front of the justice that is not supported by evidence. Now, I have it and I also have a text message from her stating that the order says "the father will pick up the kids" so she refuses to let them go with my gf. It does not say "only the father"...

This was not planned. My gf's appointment was done around 3h30 pm so she call me to let me know that she would pick up the kids on her way back at 4h00 pm so I didn't need to leave at the same moment. To refuse to let the kids go with my new partner, knowing that we've been spending more than two years together and the kids like her... this is more than unreasonable.


I am not siding with your ex but looking at your profile you have two teens and a 9 year old... while the teens may be able to make their own decisions the 9 year old cannot. Access should be set up between the parents. Your older teens should not be the ones relaying the messages to mom that someone else will be picking up the youngest child. Unless your order states that you can set up plans with the children directly, you should be letting mom know.

I think she is being unreasonable but I also think you went about this the wrong way. I do all pick ups for my step kids because I am off on Fridays and in the summer drop offs as well. However this is something set up with my husband and his ex


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  #18  
Old 07-26-2017, 11:48 AM
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I send a message to my oldest song to let him know my gf was coming to do the pick up. As it was a last minute thing (not planned) the message was sent at time of pick up around 4h00 pm. Then, when he told my gf that his mother won't allow her to do the pick up, I forwarded a text message to my ex at 4h11 pm. I did not remember I did as I was told by her lawyer not to send her messages. But I did for good sake. It was very polite and direct to the point, only explaining the situation to accommodate and being logical. And I said "Thank you". She then replied to this text message.

Sorry, in my previous post, I thought she replied after I've sent a text message to my son but she did replied directly to my message. Of course, the best will be to ask in advance but logically, when something like this happen at the last minute and after explaining the situation the ex doesn't cooperate and still refuse, this is unreasonable. She knew all along that I was home and I would have 20 minutes of drive to do the pick up and then go back while my gf was already there. You see... while people think I am pushing the button... I must admit that my ex is standing on it all the time.

Good I did send a message to my ex. This is my evidence.
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  #19  
Old 07-27-2017, 12:39 AM
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Originally Posted by mafia007 View Post
That's it. It doesn't matter who I choose (gf, my mom, my sister, my brother, new family members, friends) she will say no to any of them. Just the fact that they are members on my side of the family, she will not cooperate.

Like 90% of them, they are only playing difficile. The worst, it's not like she doesn't know my sibling and friends! She hates them because they are my side of the family.
Quote:
Originally Posted by mafia007 View Post
And there are people immersed in ignorance who have difficulty understanding that the court is governed only by the evidence.

Being said, I will not advance anything in front of the justice that is not supported by evidence. Now, I have it and I also have a text message from her stating that the order says "the father will pick up the kids" so she refuses to let them go with my gf. It does not say "only the father"...
It doesn't need to say "only" because it says "the father will pick up." Not 'the father will arrange for pick up.' According to your court order then, it MUST be you.

Yes, it would be lovely and harmonious if all exes were reasonable and could adapt and change things for convenience, but they are not. And for those who are unreasonable, which you obviously well know your ex is, there are iron-clad court orders to spell everything out. Unfortunately, this particular clause is not helping you get around her unreasonableness, it is helping her remain unreasonable. Follow it, or go to court to have it modified.
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