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Changing clauses in a proposed separation agreement

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  • Changing clauses in a proposed separation agreement

    I will try to keep this short! After an interim court order (I have physical custody), my ex and I seemed to be able to work together. We had come to an agreement, in principle, for both finances and custody, and I had my lawyer draft it up. Apparently, the ex changed his mind when it came to the financial aspects, which obviously started the bickering back and forth.

    As child access WAS going smoothly, the agreement that has been going back and forth has only addressed financial changes; there has never been any changes made to his access that we agreed on. In it, he gets every long weekend, every holiday (except every second Xmas, which after Xmas day he gets the children for the remainder of the children's holidays) and six weeks of the summer. Every change etc. was to be honoured/respected blah blah - well, this clause appears to be working for him as I always accommodate his requests; I have no issues with him having time with the children ( I quite enjoy the break!)

    Well, I get my two weeks in the summer. I asked for this upcoming long weekend and then 1 1/2 weeks prior to school - this was made in writing and agreed upon. When I contacted him earlier in the week to confirm travel arrangements I was told point blank that NO, the kids aren't going anywhere cause they have something planned. This is not the first, nor do I expect it to be the last time he reneges on this supposed clause for us to be making every effort to accomodate. I did not argue this point with him as we have no actual court ordered access and I didn't want to upset the apple cart.

    So, my question is this: Given the fact that this will need to go to a settlement conference, can I now make a request to change the children's access even though I have made no reference to such a change while this agreement has been going back and forth between us?

    I am not asking for this change based on one scenario. This has been an ongoing issue since interim custody was ordered. ie refusing to change weekend if something has been scheduled on this end (hockey, dance recitals etc.).

    Making reasonable requests clearly isn't working and I think it is imperative that the agreement have a more clearly defined clause, but I am worried he will fight this at the conference. I am not asking to take away any of the time he has with the children (I am well aware it is severely limited)

    Every request I have made has been done via email, so I have the proof he thwarts everything (including this weekend where he agreed and has now reneged). Would this be reasonable evidence to show why I would now be making the times be more clearly defined or am I gonna have to swallow this never ending battle??

    I will be going to see my lawyer in mid August to draft the settlement conference papers and want to see others' take on this before I bring it up with her.

  • #2
    So...
    1) You describe one case where he has reneged on an arrangement you both agreed to in writing.
    2) He wants to follow the ordered schedule to the T . i.e. refusing your requests to swap weekends for occasional special events.

    No comment on 1) Probably at most you can get a judge to slap him on the wrist.

    For 2), He's within his rights to stick to the schedule, though it is aggravating and stupidly rigid. I don't think there is anything you can do about it. I have the same situation - my ex even refused to permit Friday daycare pickup 2 hours earlier than usual to avoid long weekend traffic and late night arrival with kiddo.

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    • #3
      you can ask your lawyer to "define specifics" for anything you want, however that doesnt mean you will get it. if you feel strong about it though then you should stick to your guns.. no need to continue a "battle" if it can all be avoided. What I have also learned is - keep every email. Emails do hold merit..

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