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  #1  
Old 11-28-2012, 01:51 PM
stressedmama stressedmama is offline
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Smile Moving on after divorce (Are you happier now?)

So last Friday my Ex was complimenting me as he has done ever since we separated, he asked me about where I am now. He was wondering why I have started doing so much now and why I'm more confident.

I guess I can see where he's coming from. Must admit that I was a bit of a lump toward the end of our marriage. My response to him was that I had just turned 30 (around the time of our separation) but I think there may be more to it.

I felt limited when I was with him and now I'm free to do as I please. I don't have to really answer to anyone and am making decisions that I feel are benefiting myself and S7 greatly.

I've started eating better and exercising more (lost a ton of weight), wiped out my debt, recently started a business that is doing well and pampering myself more in the fashion department as well as being in a stable long-term relationship.

It seems that I found myself and I never knew I was lost. Cannot begin to tell you how much divorce agrees with me.

For those that have made it this far (finalized divorce), how is it going for you? Are you happier, more successful?
  #2  
Old 11-28-2012, 02:20 PM
DowntroddenDad DowntroddenDad is offline
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I won't claim to have the relationship thing solved, but overall I am happier.

I miss my kids terribly. But I have reconnected with old friends that my ex managed to alienate, and got back into some hobbies that I find rewarding. I've found some true friends from acquaintences.

I too have lost weight, though I started that journey before separation(ex thought I was losing so I would be more attractive, not because I was concerned about my health).

I am doing better at my job.

I am poorer, but I did wipe out all my debt. I have a little saved for retirement.

Even though it was my ex who initiated the breakup, I think I am happier than she is, though I don't wish her to be unhappy. I think it depends on your attitude in life. The secret is looking forward not back. We can't change the past so why dwell on it.
  #3  
Old 11-28-2012, 02:37 PM
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wretchedotis wretchedotis is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by stressedmama View Post
So last Friday my Ex was complimenting me as he has done ever since we separated, he asked me about where I am now. He was wondering why I have started doing so much now and why I'm more confident.

I guess I can see where he's coming from. Must admit that I was a bit of a lump toward the end of our marriage. My response to him was that I had just turned 30 (around the time of our separation) but I think there may be more to it.

I felt limited when I was with him and now I'm free to do as I please. I don't have to really answer to anyone and am making decisions that I feel are benefiting myself and S7 greatly.

I've started eating better and exercising more (lost a ton of weight), wiped out my debt, recently started a business that is doing well and pampering myself more in the fashion department as well as being in a stable long-term relationship.

It seems that I found myself and I never knew I was lost. Cannot begin to tell you how much divorce agrees with me.

For those that have made it this far (finalized divorce), how is it going for you? Are you happier, more successful?
I am 'happier', but less 'succesful'. My income goes to my financial obligations which leaves me little compared to my previous standard of living.

Quote:
Originally Posted by DowntroddenDad View Post
I won't claim to have the relationship thing solved, but overall I am happier.

I miss my kids terribly. But I have reconnected with old friends that my ex managed to alienate, and got back into some hobbies that I find rewarding. I've found some true friends from acquaintences.

I too have lost weight, though I started that journey before separation(ex thought I was losing so I would be more attractive, not because I was concerned about my health).

I am doing better at my job.

I am poorer, but I did wipe out all my debt. I have a little saved for retirement.

Even though it was my ex who initiated the breakup, I think I am happier than she is, though I don't wish her to be unhappy. I think it depends on your attitude in life. The secret is looking forward not back. We can't change the past so why dwell on it.
I have been, and always will be 'slimmer' when single. Less home cook meals with 3x left-over midnight fridge raids!

And yes - it really does suck to notice a difference in the boy after even as little as a 4 day absence..........

Last edited by wretchedotis; 11-28-2012 at 02:43 PM.
  #4  
Old 11-30-2012, 11:28 AM
photogmom photogmom is offline
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I am ABSOLUTELY in the same boat. But, my ex was emotionally abusive not to mention had affairs WHICH I stayed through (stupid I know--thought I was staying for the kids--he ended up leaving for his lover).

Really did not take me long AT ALL to realize how much better off I was. It was like I was under a spell or something and his leaving woke me up!

I lost weight, went back to college, took control of my own finances (he controlled everything), got my own house, a new car, yadda yadda.

I was happy and more importantly my kids were happy. My house for the first time was full of PEACE. What a feeling.

Yes, he did several times try to compliment me or "flirt" (even though he was with someone). He noticed a difference and so did everyone else. Maybe he regretted what he did?

I will never regret it. My only sadness is that my kids don't get to have both parents full time, but I also have to remember this situation IS better for them.

I dreamed for a happy life during my marriage. I mostly dreamed for him to "change". I didn't realize that the "rock bottom" of the separation was actually the beginning of MY life.

It's a good one
  #5  
Old 12-08-2012, 02:45 PM
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Epona Epona is offline
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Default I'm happier...

though I wouldn't say I'm happy all the time.
I still occasionally get annoyed with my ex'es antics, but for the most part, just don't care what he does anymore (as long he doesn't hurt the kids in any way, and even then I take the attitude, "It's his choice."
More successful? Depends how you define success. I'm broker than I've ever been and am unable to get full-time, stable employment. Being in my early 50s, that scares me. Life has not gone according to the plan.
I haven't bounced into a relationship with anyone--to be honest I'm not as trusting as I used to be and quite frankly, I realize I'm not an attractive potential partner for most men in their 50s (being unemployed, two kids still dependent etc.).
Things could be worse, but they could a lot better too.
  #6  
Old 12-09-2012, 11:54 AM
Lorac Lorac is offline
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Speaking for mysef my separation/divorce was all around good for me.

Epona I'm going to be 63 next month and myself and another woman are in the process of doing a business plan to start our own business. She is 64 and we both are excited about our new venture.

Am I poorer, you bet, I have to pay him spousal support. It is what it is and I make the best of it.

I have four sons and I'm closer to them now than when I was with their dad. They are all grown up but the divorce was hard on them. My ex and I were married for 34 years when I left the marriage in 2010.

I'm constantly on the run, going skiing for Christmas with one of my son's and his family. Spent last Christmas with my oldest son and his family.

At my age I'm not really interested in another relationship....it's all about me"
;-)

Life is good!!!!
  #7  
Old 12-10-2012, 12:10 PM
fireweb13 fireweb13 is offline
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I am much happier. Though I was young and still am ( at least I like to think so ). I had a tough time starting up and my ex and I were crutches for each other. My life was all about what I has to do and not about what I actually wanted. I was with my ex because it was a safe place, her parents and I got along great, her father and myself would still go out fishing if my ex would allow it lol.
I have been in a relationship for 4 1/2 years and we are engaged. Was tight while she was finishing University but now she is working and we are slowly getting ahead. We have a house now, and while small it is our place and it is not over our budget. We are trying to dig ourselves out of debt and do volunteer work as well. Yes I still have an ex that makes me want to go crazy, but I can simply not open an email and I do not have to go home to that crazyness ever again. Our daughter is doing much better while she is with us. She knows that she has a safe and happy place that is stable. I do alot more of what I like, camping and fishing and just being outside. I am with a woman who understands that it is just as important to spend time apart as it is time together, so I can do camping with the guys and not worry, and she can go out with her girlfriends and its good.

My ex has moved 8 times in a year and a half, had a kid and is with someone who is controlling. She is always miserable (was when we were together and still is whenever we communicate). She is stagnant in her life. While we are moving forward and trying to make the best of life.
I take time to meditate and workout, and read and so on and so forth. Whatever it takes for me to be as calm as possible when dealing with her. I do not want to fight and try not to, while sometimes yes I get angry, for the most part I do not get to that level.
  #8  
Old 12-16-2012, 06:40 AM
Nadia Nadia is offline
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Yes, definitely much happier now.

I am so glad I left him when I did and my only regret is that I should have done it earlier, probably three months into the marriage when the signs of something being very wrong were already there. But I stuck at it (hoping things would get better) and in the process had two beautiful children. It wasn't all bad. There were some periods where he was a fantastic person and was kind but then we would go through periods where he was very depressed and abusive. I never knew how long each period was going to last. But the mood swings became more frequent and the periods of depression lasted longer. I am so glad that I got out of that situation before it got any worse.

The litigation over the past five-six years has been harsh and everyone is poorer for it. Given custody, child support and access was all decided upon through consent, the subsequent years of litigation has been something that the opposing party has insisted on. Most likely it will never be truly "over" until the kids have flown the nest.

But I am certainly a lot happier now then I ever was when I was married to him and four years ago when we were trying to reach a consent order or even a couple of years ago when we had a trial (he insisted on having). It is almost like by agreeing to the consent order he was robbed of the opportunity to "fight" and has been trying to make up for it ever since.

Heading "home" with the kids for Christmas and will be surrounded by family and friends. Some of whom I have not seen for years. So I intend to celebrate and live in the present before the New Year brings another wave of litigation.

Last edited by Nadia; 12-16-2012 at 07:40 AM.
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