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My ex wife came to my house and assaulted me

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  • #16
    You do not live with your ex. She assaulted you in your home. I agree with Berner_Faith. Of course police have to deal with people who pack-pedal after the incident and it probably creates lots of paperwork for them. This is not your concern.

    If more men would adopt a zero tolerance to domestic violence from their ex-wives then I think we could see a change in how courts process charges. Perhaps there would be an allocation of resources for men's shelters and counselling services.

    If your ex gets an admonition from the judge and told to attend anger management then that is a good thing. She will then be put on the police 'radar' and you can then have some reassurance that should she become aggressive again that you can call the police and receive immediate assistance. Hopefully this is true.

    I'd proceed and quit listening to other nay-sayers who tell you that to pursue the matter is a waste of time. Your situation is different from their situation. No children should have to be subjected to family violence. Your ex needs to be set straight. If your ex is slugging you in the stomach then it's safe to assume that your relationship with her can't get much worse than it already is.

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    • #17
      Mayham is the weapon of family court and if you do not use it it will be used against you. I wonder if your x has considered reporting you punched her. You will be arrested immediately the kids will say otherwise but first things first, cops don,t care they arrest you remove your kids from you make criminal court date 2 months from now until then you on criminal court restraining order.
      Going to family court to deal with it is pointless as criminal supersedes family, making further delays, and when the truth comes there will be not a consequence or a cost to the accuser and by then the punch from your x may just be swept under the rug with the delay.
      Think about it you have no choice but to be the first to report it, it is not important that police do nothing for you as this may at least protect you from a assault charge just because this will turn into to much work for the cops, it is the way the system plays us against ourselves.

      Now think positive , screw her to the wall with this, claim pain from the jagged punch and the traumatizing effects your children have been through and add a whole bunch more made up stuff. How you can't work now and your bowels are tied up and the look of terror in her eyes and the look of helplessness in the eyes of your children and the real story about how your whole married life has been this way and you tried to live through it but need help as your a victim of this predators violent past that has now come to light and now you know how you must find the courage to confront this evil to protect THE BEST INTEREST OF YOUR CHILDREN.

      This is what a great lawyer does. Lies and convinces others to believe in their client , male or female, yes gender matters, females have more credibility right of the bat. That not a fact that is just the way we are. I am a man I will protect a woman out of instinct and I don,t know why and don,t care. It is what it is

      Ya it is all bull, but family law is all bull so fight bull with bull and do something about it. And if your feeling guilty, remember you are doing this for your kids and do not stop reminding yourself of that. More pain more gain.
      Last edited by Franklin; 07-19-2015, 08:41 AM.

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      • #18
        There is a poster (male) from this forum who is currently facing criminal charges. His ex pushed her way into his home, aggressively provoking him to hit her (which he did not). He took her by the arm and led her to the door. A week or so later he was charged. His ex went to a women's shelter and the shelter called the police. Of course his ex bruises easily. He was never asked to give a statement rather just finger-printed/processed. He has retained criminal lawyer and I believe his case will be heard fairly soon (if it goes to court).

        Links this could be you. You don't know if your ex is going to make up some wild convoluted story within the next few days. You have witnesses but that certainly won't stop her from making your life living hell. Don't drag your feet on this.

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        • #19
          I really agree with all of you but a friend lawyer of mine who knows her as well said that it WOULD make life much more complicated and I should probably wait for another incident but it is documented anyways.

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          • #20
            I do hope that you and your children do not have to experience this again.

            Hopefully you will set up better boundaries and keep your distance from your ex. Don't put yourself in a situation where she is physically in proximity to strike out at you. Certainly do not have her in your home. Had you put your hands up to defend yourself you could have been charged yourself.

            Your situation is a good example of why there needs to be men's centres with counselling for domestic abuse/violence.

            http://www.helpguide.org/articles/ab...abused-men.htm

            http://domesticviolence.gouv.qc.ca/need_resources.php

            http://www.santemontreal.qc.ca/en/su...usal-violence/

            http://www.serviceaideconjoints.org/En/Video/
            (check out the statistics about male victims of violence on this one - old stats but the fact there are stats is encouraging.
            Last edited by arabian; 07-19-2015, 11:29 AM.

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            • #21
              Originally posted by Links17 View Post
              I really agree with all of you but a friend lawyer of mine who knows her as well said that it WOULD make life much more complicated and I should probably wait for another incident but it is documented anyways.
              The decision is up to you of course -though I can tell you from experience that if you let this go, chances are it will only get worse. Abusers don't suddenly wake up one day and change their ways. As long as they can get away with it, they will continue and the behavior will most likely escalate.

              Your Ex knows that you don't want trouble - she's probably feeling very secure in that knowledge. I say press charges, have her arrested and testify in criminal court when the times comes (this will takes months).

              You have witness' - you are not asking the kids to lie for you, they saw this with their own eyes. All they need to do is tell the truth.

              Doing nothing is the worst thing you could do .... don't let her get away with assaulting you in your own home and traumatizing your children!!!

              Get this on record.

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              • #22
                I'm very sorry to hear this - what a thing for kids to have to witness!

                I think I agree with the other posters who are urging you to pursue this matter. At the very least, you will be demonstrating to your children that you believe violence is unacceptable and that you take it very seriously. Mom will probably try to minimize the incident, if she ever talks to the kids about it, so you are the only one who can show them by example the this is not a minor thing at all. And Janibel''s point about escalation is very true.

                Of course, you will have to weigh the cost of pursuing this legally, and what it means for you and the kids, so no one can tell you what is absolutely the right thing to do in this situation.

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                • #23
                  Originally posted by stripes View Post
                  Of course, you will have to weigh the cost of pursuing this legally, and what it means for you and the kids, so no one can tell you what is absolutely the right thing to do in this situation.

                  This won't cost Links anything - with criminal cases it's the crown (God bless the Queen!) that prosecutes and the arresting officer will probably testify as well. Links does not need a lawyer and is more than capable of self-representing.

                  I don't know what kind of punch it was, but if he has bruises in a few days, he should go see a doctor and have photos taken

                  Unlike family court, in a criminal setting the burden of proof must be within a reasonable doubt. Links has witness' - this should be simple to prove. If the ex is found guilty, she will have mandatory anger management therapy and pay a small fine.

                  What's important is that it's documented ... that's an investment for the future. The judge will probably grant Links a restraining order as well.

                  Sure it's more aggravation to have to go to court over this, but it's the right thing to do especially with certain (crazeee) people - this is all they understand.

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                  • #24
                    In my situation letting my wife abuse the children and I mentally emotionally and physically without doing anything really seemed to have made her do it more and more and seemed to have make her think it was ok to do it and she would even blame me and the kids for all of it....your wife might be somehow thinking if there is nothing being done about her actions that she feels its ok and it might get worse and it probably makes her feel good doing it and feels its all your fault that she is abusing you and she is in the right....or worse might back pedal after finding out your going to press charges and start saying you were abusing her....too bad there are people out there like this. Hopefully things start getting better for ya soon rather then unpredictable or worse.....stay strong for the kids!

                    I wish I would have pressed charges and moved things forward a lot earlier in terms of the abusive situation and selling the house. We are not all perfect though.

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                    • #25
                      Links buddy. Forget all this coo coo talk of making stuff up like Franklin 's telling you. That's insane. (Sorry Franklin...but making stuff up should be discouraged at every angle my man).
                      Listen to Janibel ... press charges. She can't be coming to your place punching you in front of your kids. End of story. Do something about it. I would have right away.

                      You're a guy.....yep the cops laughed at you...we knew that would happen. (I'm not on the gender thing but really ....what would have happened if manly Links showed up and punched a girl in the stomach).... there would have been fireworks with the cops). Society's not quite there yet.

                      Don't worry if it makes your life harder. You're doing the right thing by pressing charges.

                      Why didn't you do it right away ppl ask? Easy .. you didn't want the reaction from the authorities that you got when you did call. Like I said ... society needs to catch up with the times. Girls can punch ... and that is just as much violence as when guys punch.
                      Last edited by LovingFather32; 07-20-2015, 10:33 PM.

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                      • #26
                        Just to be clear I didn't call right away because even if my wife came at me with a knife she probably wouldn't be able to hurt me. I wasn't in imminent danger, I was just concerned about the traumatic effect it was having on the kids and once they were on their way to the rooms I would have gotten her out of my house.

                        Thank god, I didn't lay a hand on her.

                        These things happen fast.

                        I didn't call immediately afterwards because I was evaluating it and all the consequences... a mom in my situation would get sole custody for sure in such a scenario and so calling is a no-brainer, its a winner, for a dad like me - I feel it almost hurts me in that respect... she can punch me all she wants I don't want to jepordize my custody trial in December...

                        I will let you all know what happens next.
                        I appreciate the feedback.

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                        • #27
                          Originally posted by Links17 View Post
                          Just to be clear I didn't call right away because even if my wife came at me with a knife she probably wouldn't be able to hurt me. I wasn't in imminent danger, I was just concerned about the traumatic effect it was having on the kids and once they were on their way to the rooms I would have gotten her out of my house.

                          Thank god, I didn't lay a hand on her.

                          These things happen fast.

                          I didn't call immediately afterwards because I was evaluating it and all the consequences... a mom in my situation would get sole custody for sure in such a scenario and so calling is a no-brainer, its a winner, for a dad like me - I feel it almost hurts me in that respect... she can punch me all she wants I don't want to jepordize my custody trial in December...

                          I will let you all know what happens next.
                          I appreciate the feedback.
                          You're right about that statement - though the same would be true if more men ignored the stigma, the hurt pride and the police - and went ahead and pressed charges.

                          Regardless of what you decide to do, please, get a hidden camera installed so that the next time (and there will be a next time, no doubt) you will have more than hearsay on your side to make your case.

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                          • #28
                            You blew your chance to make a better way for yourself. It,s all pain for a little gain. I think you know that more than any one, scary thing is how hard it is to be selfish for some of us and so easy for the rest of us.
                            I am disappointed with you, and the police of course discouraged you from charges as makes for less paperwork for them and an easier night. Total selfishness.

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                            • #29
                              "Constructive criticism is the process of offering valid and well-reasoned opinions about the work of others, usually involving both positive and negative comments, in a friendly manner rather than an oppositional one. The purpose of constructive criticism is to improve the outcome." Wikipedia

                              Rinse and repeat

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                              • #30
                                Originally posted by Franklin View Post
                                You blew your chance to make a better way for yourself. It,s all pain for a little gain. I think you know that more than any one, scary thing is how hard it is to be selfish for some of us and so easy for the rest of us.
                                I am disappointed with you, and the police of course discouraged you from charges as makes for less paperwork for them and an easier night. Total selfishness.
                                I agree with you about the police not wanting to go the extra mile to help out a father who wants what's best for his children - though this apathy you mention extends to mother's as well. Most of us who have been involved in abusive relationships will attest to that fact.

                                What I find disappointing is your black and white attitude about this situation? Links didn't blow his one and only chance, are you kidding me? His selfish Ex will be up to her tricks in no time at all - when the time is right, he'll have all the proof he needs.

                                Comment

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