Moving out of Province

[Sharon89]

Having lived in Alberta for over 50 years I would like to add a word or two of caution to you. As Stripes accurately outlined, the incomes can be big in Alberta but at this time the economy is quite unstable and people are being laid off in droves.

If your husband is receiving a subsidy for living expenses is is likely that he is living in the north. There are valid reasons for living allowances. Rent can be 3 x what you currently pay in your small town. Food is extremely expensive compared to Ontario.

If I were you I would at least go out to the area where your husband wants to move to and check things out for yourself. While Alberta is beautiful it can also be quite rugged and isolated. Did I mention that it is a certainty that you will experience -45 degree weather in the winter (-65 with the wind chill factor)?

While you're considering everything, have a good look at year round airfares as I think you most definitely would be held responsible for cost of access.

When you add all of this up is there really an advantage? Perhaps staying put, upgrading your education so you can work, is a better option?

Thank you Arabian, that is a good suggestion. However, our town does not have a college and jobs are very limited due to industry leaving town. The population of our town keeps getting smaller because people are forced to relocate in order to find work.

[Sharon89]

I was in a situation very similar so I have something to offer to this. I didn't have a new husband but I wanted to move away to the East Coast for work. I was a single mom with a 7 year old at the time. I got permission from the court on the grounds that I had the right to work, make a living a provide for my daughter. He was paying CS through FRO. I offered to pay for all travel costs and she was to visit every holiday and spend the summer. Please be aware, this gets VERY expensive. Its also very stressful if the child has to fly. Yes, there is someone on the Flights that will watch the child but seriously, any self respecting parent would be extremely nervous putting a child on a plane with a stranger and hope for the best. Aside from the expense and the stress, if you are moving where you have no family, this is HUGE. I had no family, no support system and for a few years this was ok. But after awhile its difficult because no one is just down the street. Skype and cell phones and whatever media means you may have is not the same as being face to face for you and family or your child and the other parent. The tension and stress that being away caused may not be worth it. If you have to deal with the courts, another huge headache. Interjurisdictionally, its a nightmare. Especially if you are dealing with FRO. To deal with the courts between provinces takes an extremely long time.
We were out of province 7 years. I would seriously think about doing this especially if you don't have the support of your ex. He can make things VERY hard and very expensive. If you do decide, you will need to alter your separation agreement to make sure you cover EVERY little loop hole or it will end up costing you a fortune. Overall, not sure it is worth it. Would I do it again, probably not.

Thank you for your insight. You bring up good points. I would fly with my daughter when she goes back to Ontario to make things easier on her and to see my family at the same. Both my husband and I have family in the place my husband is working.

[Straittohell]

I moved 45 minutes away with my mother after I found out he was cheating. I told him I wanted out and he was okay with the move. He moved in the other woman 2 weeks later and didn't exercise access or paid support for 6 months until I started living with my current husband. Also, he ended up getting the other girl pregnant within that time period and ended up cheating on her, but he was the one that left and moved away in that relationship...

Yikes. As someone who was cheated on for a year, I feel your pain. My ex convinced me to move our family 400km away from our home so that she could be in the same town as her parents, brothers, and sister. A few months after the move, I discovered her affair and realized that it might have played a role in influencing her move. By then it was too late - I was still technically employed 400km away, and I was no longer in a position to bring my kids back to our original starting point, because my ex's hometown was now considered their area. My friends and family told me to simply take the kids with me because my ex had betrayed them by betraying me, but I took the high road and left her infidelity out of the equation. I spent a long time going back and forth between two cities, working in one, and parenting in the other. I can tell you from experience that it really sucks, and it is hard on all parties involved. My ex was fairly cooperative (possibly out of guilt over what she had done), but things always felt strained, and the kids had a tough time knowing that I wasn't a short drive away.

So, he didn't exercise access or support for the first six months, but has he been doing it for the last three years? It's a tricky situation that you're in, because your daughter is so young. The court case you saw referenced earlier in this thread dealt with kids that were twice your daughter's age and had a more established relationship with their father. It also involved the custodial parent getting the better job, whereas in this case, it's the stepdad.

You might very well win the court case, and you might very well also lose. Either way, you and your ex might end up spending a ton of money, and it might cause a huge rift. If you're successful, the quality of the relationship between your ex and your daughter will suffer for sure.

I can tell that you're still feeling hurt in all of this, and don't think much of your ex for what he pulled, and for basically ditching his parental obligations for a half year, and I can tell you that I felt the same way about my ex. She pretty much put in a half-assed effort on the parenting end for a period of time as well. If he's crawled out of that mindset and has been doing his EOW consistently, and has a good relationship with his daughter, that is what is the most important thing right now to consider.

[serendipitous]

Wow...talk about a calculated so and so. Moved 400km with her family in tow, just to be with her booty call????

That guy must have been worth it

Yikes. As someone who was cheated on for a year, I feel your pain. My ex convinced me to move our family 400km away from our home so that she could be in the same town as her parents, brothers, and sister. A few months after the move, I discovered her affair and realized that it might have played a role in influencing her move. By then it was too late - I was still technically employed 400km away, and I was no longer in a position to bring my kids back to our original starting point, because my ex's hometown was now considered their area. My friends and family told me to simply take the kids with me because my ex had betrayed them by betraying me, but I took the high road and left her infidelity out of the equation. I spent a long time going back and forth between two cities, working in one, and parenting in the other. I can tell you from experience that it really sucks, and it is hard on all parties involved. My ex was fairly cooperative (possibly out of guilt over what she had done), but things always felt strained, and the kids had a tough time knowing that I wasn't a short drive away.

So, he didn't exercise access or support for the first six months, but has he been doing it for the last three years? It's a tricky situation that you're in, because your daughter is so young. The court case you saw referenced earlier in this thread dealt with kids that were twice your daughter's age and had a more established relationship with their father. It also involved the custodial parent getting the better job, whereas in this case, it's the stepdad.

You might very well win the court case, and you might very well also lose. Either way, you and your ex might end up spending a ton of money, and it might cause a huge rift. If you're successful, the quality of the relationship between your ex and your daughter will suffer for sure.

I can tell that you're still feeling hurt in all of this, and don't think much of your ex for what he pulled, and for basically ditching his parental obligations for a half year, and I can tell you that I felt the same way about my ex. She pretty much put in a half-assed effort on the parenting end for a period of time as well. If he's crawled out of that mindset and has been doing his EOW consistently, and has a good relationship with his daughter, that is what is the most important thing right now to consider.

[Straittohell]

Wow...talk about a calculated so and so. Moved 400km with her family in tow, just to be with her booty call????

That guy must have been worth it

Of course he wasn't. They fizzled out shortly after we separate. Go figure.