Ottawa Divorce .com Forums


User CP

New posts

Advertising

  Ottawa Divorce .com Forums > Main Category > Divorce & Family Law

Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

Closed Thread
 
Thread Tools
  #1  
Old 05-27-2010, 11:59 PM
tugofwar's Avatar
tugofwar tugofwar is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: mostly in my own little world
Posts: 1,384
tugofwar is on a distinguished road
Default lies, deceit and money!!!!

How do you get past all those? Why is it about the money? Our child's life/wellbeing is at state here and now it's all about the money!
What do you do when you now have a sudden request for an increase in time with the child, not to actually spend with them but to pay less? That is just sick to me and can't believe I used to sleep beside this man!!!!!!!
It's sleeping with the enemy!
How do you get past all the angry and hurt? The lies? The I would rather have money than a family?
He wanted us out to further his financial position, yet lies, and hides money and is fighting me for every last penny!
I just want my child! The rest is just what is fair yet Im the money hungry beast! Seriously. He would die if he was to read some of these other money hungry people on here and what they have and are doing to get money from the ex. Im just asking for my fair share.
What do I do, walk away from all the money just so I know that my child will not be affected by all this? If I was to say this to ex, can I truly say he would back down from this nonsense and let me continue on providing the best for child?
I just want to puke! I have not done anything immoral, I have not gone after more than my fair share, I have gone to therapy to help me and our relationship, read books, focused all my energy on our child, and for some freakin reason, KARMA LOVES KICKING MY ASS!

Last edited by tugofwar; 05-28-2010 at 12:20 AM.
  #2  
Old 05-28-2010, 12:06 AM
blinkandimgone's Avatar
blinkandimgone blinkandimgone is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Lucknow
Posts: 5,406
blinkandimgone is a jewel in the roughblinkandimgone is a jewel in the roughblinkandimgone is a jewel in the rough
Default

I dont' have the answers for you, Tug, but I am sorry you're going through it
  #3  
Old 05-28-2010, 12:15 AM
tugofwar's Avatar
tugofwar tugofwar is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: mostly in my own little world
Posts: 1,384
tugofwar is on a distinguished road
Default

Someone help me please! Im about to lose my marbles!!!!!!!!
  #4  
Old 05-28-2010, 01:42 AM
tugofwar's Avatar
tugofwar tugofwar is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: mostly in my own little world
Posts: 1,384
tugofwar is on a distinguished road
Default

"An insider"
Thanks DADTOTHEEND, thanks for that
  #5  
Old 05-28-2010, 07:51 AM
standing on the sidelines standing on the sidelines is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Kitchener Ontario
Posts: 5,538
standing on the sidelines is on a distinguished road
Default

k his reason for wanting more time with the child may be to decrease what he pays. May it not also be a good thing? He may really bond with the child and your expenses like food go down a bit, you get some more time to yourself to either better your education or work some extra hours or even just kick back soaking in a bath uninterrupeted.

As for fairness. I did not think that word exsisted in the relm of divorce and separations. To be fair means to me that each is treated the same and gets the same. So he should have 50% custody to be fair. The that way the CS is figured out so you each pay your fair share according to income. If you are not working or only working full time to be fair you should get a full time job to up your income. To be fair each person should report any and all income and not pad their expenses. See how hard it is to be fair??
  #6  
Old 05-28-2010, 08:29 AM
tugofwar's Avatar
tugofwar tugofwar is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: mostly in my own little world
Posts: 1,384
tugofwar is on a distinguished road
Default

I understand. I don't agree with 50% custody because it only gives him a break in paying for the child. He doesn't want to be a full time dad or even part time. I think he's content with occasional. I don't know how else to describe it. But, when you look at a child and attach a dollar amount to it, that's just not right.
He wants to hide his money and income. Fine, whatever. To me it's not about the money!
  #7  
Old 05-28-2010, 09:14 AM
Mess Mess is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Toronto
Posts: 5,448
Mess is a jewel in the roughMess is a jewel in the roughMess is a jewel in the roughMess is a jewel in the rough
Default

standing on the sidelines, that is true in many situations, from what Tug has described about her ex and the situation that is not the case here.

He is gaming you with the house valuation, he is claiming $12k income per year and probably living of 10X that much, and he is wanting more "time" with your daughter and then wanting dump her off at his mothers or his sisters. You simply should not agree or sign off on anything like that.

First, she is doing well in daycare, you keep her in daycare where she learns things and develops socially with other kids. She won't make friends with kids her own age watching soaps all day with grandma. I'm not saying time with grandma isn't important too, but you have the right to decide what she needs and what is best for her development.

If ding-dong wants more time with her then require he submit a detailed parenting plan (I think it is now required by latest changes to family law act, but I haven't looked at details, it is mentioned anyway). What he is going to do with her, how he is going to take care of her, what his plans are, what he is going to teach her, etc. She is thriving in her current setup, he should justify what these changes are he wants. Meanwhile put your foot down and don't agree to anything.

As far as his income and business goes, I don't know what you can do, most of what he earns is cash and he's writing off everything including the kitchen sink. You have income imputed to him now already, probably it is still low but if you are getting by then what can you do besides hire a private investigator?

The house, yes, insist on valuation as of separation date. If the value had doubled due to a zoning change, do you think he would just hand you the money?

If he gets all these changes to the schedule he is asking, how much does this add up to?
  #8  
Old 05-28-2010, 10:13 AM
billiechic billiechic is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Vaughan
Posts: 2,371
billiechic is on a distinguished road
Default

I'm sorry Tug. Your outlook on this is correct. What time you have offered is fair and until he consistently spends that time with his daughter then it is fair to her that she not be shipped over there just to save him money.

We all have to remember that what is fair to the parents is not necessarily fair for the kids. 50/50 is NOT ideal in all circumstances.
  #9  
Old 05-28-2010, 11:49 AM
MsD MsD is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 42
MsD is on a distinguished road
Default

Tugofwar

I don't have an answer to help solve this situation, but do want to assure you that sticking to the higher ground and doing what's in your power to make the best life possible for your child is always the right thing to do. Karma isn't what's kicking you right now, your ex is. Have faith: it's going to come back and whip him good in due time.

Don't give up, don't back down. You can do it!
  #10  
Old 05-28-2010, 01:13 PM
tugofwar's Avatar
tugofwar tugofwar is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: mostly in my own little world
Posts: 1,384
tugofwar is on a distinguished road
Default

Thanks for everyone of your posts!
Closed Thread


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On



All times are GMT -4. The time now is 10:32 PM.