Ottawa Divorce .com Forums


User CP

New posts

Advertising

  Ottawa Divorce .com Forums > Main Category > Parenting Issues

Parenting Issues This forum is for discussing any of the parenting issues involved in your divorce, including parenting of step-children.

Reply
 
Thread Tools
  #11  
Old 08-02-2019, 04:05 PM
Berner_Faith Berner_Faith is online now
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Ontario
Posts: 3,325
Berner_Faith will become famous soon enough
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by tilt View Post
Traffic man. Totally sucks. 40k in Toronto and its suburbs are brutal; 40k at my cottage is a nice Sunday drive. (Am I mathing wrong or is driving 20 km in 10 mins saying that you are driving 120km an hour from a dead stop to a dead stop with no slowing down or stops?)


Your math is off... town is 22kms... it takes me 10-15 min depending on traffic and this is driving 80km and slowing down to 50km for 2 concessions. Yes city driving can for sure take longer but 4 hours seems extreme


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old 08-02-2019, 06:10 PM
Mustanggirl71 Mustanggirl71 is offline
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2019
Posts: 3
Mustanggirl71 is on a distinguished road
Default

The issue for me is that he has an electric gate to get in and out of his property that I no longer have the code for. This makes me nervous having to rely on him to let me leave his property.

Also, he is a bully and expects me to bend to his will all of the time. He knew he was having surgery almost a week in advance and he did not make arrangements for the children.
Reply With Quote
  #13  
Old 08-02-2019, 06:50 PM
Berner_Faith Berner_Faith is online now
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Ontario
Posts: 3,325
Berner_Faith will become famous soon enough
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mustanggirl71 View Post
The issue for me is that he has an electric gate to get in and out of his property that I no longer have the code for. This makes me nervous having to rely on him to let me leave his property.



Also, he is a bully and expects me to bend to his will all of the time. He knew he was having surgery almost a week in advance and he did not make arrangements for the children.


You asked if there would be any negative repercussions... the basic answer is no, not likely, however you should be offering make up time, he has communicated with you to attempt to make a plan to see the children and youíre not willing to bend. Maybe it wonít bite you this time, but it could down the road... your children are young and you guys have years of parenting ahead of you. Things like this are going to come up and who knows, maybe next time it will be you who canít do the driving. Ultimately youíre decision but I feel for the children who wonít see their father and who have parents that canít coparent


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Reply With Quote
  #14  
Old 08-02-2019, 09:28 PM
Janus's Avatar
Janus Janus is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 2,183
Janus will become famous soon enough
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by iona6656 View Post
The OP does not need to be sacrificing her safety.
She is probably more likely to die in a car accident than to be assaulted on the doorstep of her ex who just got seriously injured.

Sometimes, "safety" fears are so ridiculous it feels like the person must know that it is not credible.
Reply With Quote
  #15  
Old 08-03-2019, 05:38 AM
standing on the sidelines standing on the sidelines is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Kitchener Ontario
Posts: 5,541
standing on the sidelines is on a distinguished road
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mustanggirl71 View Post
The issue for me is that he has an electric gate to get in and out of his property that I no longer have the code for. This makes me nervous having to rely on him to let me leave his property.

Also, he is a bully and expects me to bend to his will all of the time. He knew he was having surgery almost a week in advance and he did not make arrangements for the children.
then do not go through the gate. Once you get there text him or whatever and he can open the gate and the kids can walk through. If its too far for them to walk then he can meet them on the other side.

Yes your ex may be a bully etc but sometimes its best to take the higher ground. You never know what the future may bring and someday you may need a favor from him.
Reply With Quote
  #16  
Old 08-04-2019, 02:25 AM
iona6656 iona6656 is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2018
Posts: 738
iona6656 is on a distinguished road
Default Question about parenting time

Quote:
Originally Posted by Janus View Post
She is probably more likely to die in a car accident than to be assaulted on the doorstep of her ex who just got seriously injured.

Sometimes, "safety" fears are so ridiculous it feels like the person must know that it is not credible.


Ehhhh....you donít necessarily know what she means by safety fears. We donít know her dv history.

This behaviour the OP is describing by her ex is exactly the bullshit boundary pushing behaviour abusive partners thrive on. They push a bit here- well, itís not totally unreasonable right? Drive the kids and walk them to the door. Okay- then next time. Itís come in the house and wait while I gather the kids stuff. Then it might be a snide comment- or standing too close to her. If there is any hope to ďco-parentingĒ with an abusive or high conflict ex, itís setting firm boundaries and not budging.

Last edited by iona6656; 08-04-2019 at 02:30 AM.
Reply With Quote
  #17  
Old 08-04-2019, 02:30 AM
iona6656 iona6656 is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2018
Posts: 738
iona6656 is on a distinguished road
Default Question about parenting time

Quote:
Originally Posted by standing on the sidelines View Post



Yes your ex may be a bully etc but sometimes its best to take the higher ground. You never know what the future may bring and someday you may need a favor from him.


While I agree that being reasonable and taking the higher ground is generally the preferable approach. With ex partners who were abusive, itís an invitation to them to engage in boundary pushing behaviour.

OP- do what makes you comfortable. Do not let him tell you what needs to be done. Offer make up time when heís healed up. Ask if he can have someone assist with the transfers. Thatís as far as you need to go.
Reply With Quote
  #18  
Old 08-04-2019, 12:32 PM
Janus's Avatar
Janus Janus is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 2,183
Janus will become famous soon enough
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by iona6656 View Post
Ehhhh....you donít necessarily know what she means by safety fears. We donít know her dv history.
You misunderstand. I found your use of the word "safety" to be ridiculous

Quote:
Originally Posted by iona
The OP does not need to be sacrificing her safety.
That is what I felt was a ridiculous statement. The guy is crippled. There is no safety issue here. If you cry "safety" all the time, it hurts those who have legitimate safety issues.


Quote:
This behaviour the OP is describing by her ex is exactly the bullshit boundary pushing behaviour abusive partners thrive on.
Her ex is injured, this is a temporary situation. This is hardly a boundary push.

Quote:
If there is any hope to ďco-parentingĒ with an abusive or high conflict ex, itís setting firm boundaries and not budging.
Not being an epic jerk helps too.

She has the right to not help, but that does not mean that she should not help.
Reply With Quote
  #19  
Old 08-04-2019, 01:02 PM
standing on the sidelines standing on the sidelines is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Kitchener Ontario
Posts: 5,541
standing on the sidelines is on a distinguished road
Default

I totally agree with Janus. These are extenuating circumstances. I am positive that the guy isnt getting surgery just to be able to push boundaries with his ex.

This isnt a situation where he is trying to switch weekends every month or something like that.
Reply With Quote
  #20  
Old 08-06-2019, 10:32 AM
HammerDad HammerDad is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Hamilton
Posts: 3,920
HammerDad will become famous soon enough
Default

The answer here should be to simply switch weekends until a later date, unless the ex is dead set on having the kids that weekend. And if that is the case, I would have simply offered to drop off the kids and they make arrangements to have extra care at the house to assist them.
Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Make up visits! WorkingDAD Divorce & Family Law 12 03-17-2011 11:56 AM
Joint Custody, Father giving up more time choochoo Divorce & Family Law 3 09-23-2010 09:25 PM
Shared parenting time frames odie Financial Issues 3 08-13-2009 03:05 AM
Assuming is never a good option. SilverLining Political Issues 5 04-26-2009 11:30 AM
Opinion SilverLining Political Issues 0 04-25-2009 07:44 PM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 08:02 PM.