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Abba435 · #11 02-25-2020, 08:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LovingDad1234

I feel joint counseling should be mandatory for separated or divorced parents. Both parents in a room with a counselor to learn to rebuild respect and co-existence as part of finalizing a high conflict case. A person who is financially prudent gets painted as controlling towards money (and therefore financially abusive) in court documents. Safe counseling jointly may help set things straight of misconceptions or ill-informed labeling. My ex learned the "A" word and it near impossible to convince her otherwise. Everything is abusive in their view...

Only if the appointed counsellors are truly expert and not inexperienced therapists. Independent, objective and trained in family law.
My experience with therapists has been sketchy.
Lack of expertise at high rates.
Now where have I heard that before.

Helpmyspouse · #12 02-25-2020, 09:35 PM

I agree with Iona that not all couples will make good candidates for mandatory counselling. Where one spouse is mentally Ill counselling will not go anywhere. Such as in my case if I had to sit in a room with my mentally I'll spouse who suffers from psychosis it would literally be the end of me. Ever try to reason with someone who is psychotic? Although would be nice if the courts had support for those of us in this scenario.

Janus · #13 02-26-2020, 03:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by iona6656

.....sarcasm?

No. I was completely serious. I think abusers should lose custody, and I think that false allegations should have consequences. Currently, neither really happens. Instead, victims say that the accused should be deprived of their children "just in case", and the accused say that they should have their kids, because accuser might be lying.

There is a middle ground between "false allegation" and "conviction". Sometimes the truth is simply not known. However, if there was a single judge, then while a definitive conclusion was not reached, the judge could use that information when crafting a parenting plan.

Probably a false allegation? The accusing parent is a risk of setting up an alienating environment, and should never have more than 50% parenting time. Probably actual abuse? Abusing parent probably cannot be trusted, structure parenting time appropriately with supervision in place.

iona6656 · #14 02-27-2020, 11:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Janus

No. I was completely serious. I think abusers should lose custody, and I think that false allegations should have consequences. Currently, neither really happens. Instead, victims say that the accused should be deprived of their children "just in case", and the accused say that they should have their kids, because accuser might be lying.

There is a middle ground between "false allegation" and "conviction". Sometimes the truth is simply not known. However, if there was a single judge, then while a definitive conclusion was not reached, the judge could use that information when crafting a parenting plan.

Probably a false allegation? The accusing parent is a risk of setting up an alienating environment, and should never have more than 50% parenting time. Probably actual abuse? Abusing parent probably cannot be trusted, structure parenting time appropriately with supervision in place.

ding ding ding.

this is exactly what I think. There is middle ground- and I think one judge would be able to get the whole story.

And even with abusers- I hope my story is one which shows that there is even middle ground with abusers too- where they have the possibility of regaining custody- and significant parenting time with the child(ren). The judge at our settlement conference actually asked both of our lawyers if they think we really have a chance of settling this? because she was concerned with the "history" of our file. And she didn't want "jump the gun" on approving a settlement. I really appreciated that. I think there are some good judges who would do well overseeing both types of matters.

tmsrtl · #15 02-27-2020, 05:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Janus

No. I was completely serious. I think abusers should lose custody, and I think that false allegations should have consequences. Currently, neither really happens. Instead, victims say that the accused should be deprived of their children "just in case", and the accused say that they should have their kids, because accuser might be lying.

There is a middle ground between "false allegation" and "conviction". Sometimes the truth is simply not known. However, if there was a single judge, then while a definitive conclusion was not reached, the judge could use that information when crafting a parenting plan.

Probably a false allegation? The accusing parent is a risk of setting up an alienating environment, and should never have more than 50% parenting time. Probably actual abuse? Abusing parent probably cannot be trusted, structure parenting time appropriately with supervision in place.

COMPLETELY agree! my own opinion and experience....anything was and can be said, nobody seemed to care

fairlight · #16 02-27-2020, 05:34 PM

I also completely agree with Janus. Thank you for saying this.

Abuse allegations should be a double-edged sword with serious consequences for both parties. This would deter false allegations and properly protect children in the case of proven allegations (especially with the changes to the Divorce Act). However, something like 50% of DV arrests result in the charges being withdrawn, normally with some sort of early intervention, like the PAR program. Peace bonds are also offered as a way to avoid a criminal record. To me, this is problematic because it doesn't clearly establish wrong-doing and uses the justice system to address social issues rather than punish and deter crime. Homicides of children have occurred in situations where the only history of DV was a peace bond. However, innocent people have also signed peace bonds as a way to get the charges withdrawn. Perhaps if we strengthened the criminal courts in this area, there would be less gray for the family courts.

It's also important to remember that false allegations are not the same thing as unproven/unverified allegations. DV can be difficult to prove and we don't want to deter people from coming forward. If an allegation cannot be verified, then justice demands that it should have little to no weight, however this doesn't imply that the person making the allegation was lying.

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