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Old 11-20-2018, 06:22 PM
Lue17 Lue17 is offline
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Red face After 32 years

Hello everyone,

About 10 days ago, my husband of 32 years handed me a one page letter letting me know that he wants a seperation. I had just had surgery the day before so I was in no shape at all. I took the letter in my hands and he left without saying a word and left.
Our marriage was far from perfect and to be honest I had often thought of leaving him but I stayed for 2 reasons: our kids and the financial security. They may not have been the best reasons for staying in an unhappy marriage but there it is...Iím just being very honest.

Now, at 55, retired with very little income I have to go through a process that I know so very little about. I feel overwhelmed.

We have talked twice. There is no fighting. He says he wants to be fair but I found out he already has seen a lawyer 2-3 times. He doesnít sleep here much and I have no idea where he is at night. Is there another woman or does he sleep at a friendís place? Honestly I donít care if he is with someone else. I just want out and live a decent life.

I need to find a good French speaking lawyer who wonít be too expensive. Is that even possible?

Iím trying to stay positive and will appreciate every bit of feedback, suggestions and support. I hope to get to know some of you,
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Old 11-20-2018, 06:39 PM
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arabian arabian is offline
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Sorry to know you are going through this. You are at the same age that I was when my husband (of 30 years) and I separated. No one thinks that at that age that one would have to start over. But it is what it is.

Find a good lawyer. Of course your husband has been seeking legal advice. He has likely been propelled to do this as he has a new life already planned.

When I found out about my husband and his affair and all the lying and stealing and other dishonesty I physically removed all of his belongings and changed the security code on our home. I phoned him to tell him where to pick up his belongings. I phoned around a 2 days later I had retained a lawyer (young male) who stuck beside me through everything. My husband was served with papers 10 days after I kicked his ass to the curb. Lawyer arranged for interim interim spousal support (substantial which propelled my ex to get a lawyer and get his shit together). I also received immediate exclusive possession of the home (until it was disposed with). This was quite helpful. I ceased all communication with my husband and going forward it was only through lawyers or if he actually faxed me something (I did not want to read emails that his g/f created).

You have to look around and immediate gather any and all financial information. Stocks, bonds, insurance policies, house title, credit card statements, bank statements etc. If your husband has already been seeing a lawyer then many of these documents may not be available. Your husband might have already changed his mailing address (to a post office box or forwarded his mail to someone else).

Immediately start making a list of your typical monthly expenses (don't leave anything out, no matter how trivial). This is extremely important for when you and your lawyer make your demands for spousal support. Open your own bank account. My lawyer advised me to get my hands on as much cash as I could. I didn't take his advice and my husband beat me to the bank and wiped it out. I didn't want to take money out of the company account as we had bills to pay - very naive of me. This is something I paid for dearly.

Keep your cards close to your chest (do not blab everything to friends and family). At this point you do not know what your husband has been up to and to whom he has spoken to. It is a very lonely time now, but once you have some basic things sorted out you will feel less overwhelmed.

Don't delay in getting the financial information or retaining a lawyer. There are some good threads on this forum on how to choose a lawyer.
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