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Parenting Issues This forum is for discussing any of the parenting issues involved in your divorce, including parenting of step-children.

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  #1  
Old 08-07-2009, 02:31 PM
Daba Daba is offline
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Default What clauses in your agreement are you really happy with?

We are just planning our agreement with regards to access and parenting now...so I would like to know from those of you who have had agreements in place for a few years now, what are you really thankful was put in?

Maybe some things that didn't seem so important at the time?

Maybe something that didn't get put in that you now wish had been clearer?

Did you find that the more specific it was the better, or are some things best left in vague terms?

We are also dealing with a very young child here, I don't know if that makes any difference. Is it normal to have it in the agreement that things will be revisited after every few years instead of trying to plan for a few decades all at once?

We are also on good speaking terms, which I hope won't change.

Any advice appreciated, thanks
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Old 08-07-2009, 04:36 PM
dinkyface dinkyface is offline
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I have experience with a vague and poorly worded agreement - and it has caused trouble and $$ right from the beginning.

1) If an access visit must be missed, it is not practical to require 7 days notice as a condition for granting a make-up visit. Probably the wording should indicate that the reason for missing has to be 'reasonably unavoidable' (i.e. not because it is inconvenient). For example if a parent becomes infectious/ill, or has a job interview, it may not be possible to give 7 days notice.

2) If a parent can take a 7-day vacation with the child, indicate whether or not this can be joined onto one of the regular scheduled weekend visits - thus making it a 9 day vacation. Also, indicate if the 7 days must include one of their regular scheduled weekend visits. Maybe also indicate that a parent should have at most 3 weekends in a row e.g. 2 regular visits, plus one makeup in between.

3) Be clear about where each parent can travel without consent of the other - within the province only? within Canada?

4) Exchange income tax assessments every year

5) Automatic yearly adjustment of CS based on table amounts and tax assessment

6) Inform other parent of change in employment within 14 days.
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Old 08-10-2009, 01:37 PM
oldernwiser oldernwiser is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Daba View Post
I would like to know from those of you who have had agreements in place for a few years now, what are you really thankful was put in?
1.2 They separated on June XX, 200X. The parties will continue living separate and apart.


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Old 11-12-2009, 07:30 PM
Stubbs Stubbs is offline
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Not that my ex will follow anything that's in our SA, but I put in a 'first refusal' clause, meaning that if one parent requires a babysitter for 5 hours or more (I tried for 4 hours, got 5) that the other parent would get the first call (the chance to say yes or refuse) to care for the children.

I have actually had the opportunity to use this clause a few times.
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Old 11-13-2009, 02:15 PM
Foredeck Foredeck is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Stubbs View Post
Not that my ex will follow anything that's in our SA, but I put in a 'first refusal' clause, meaning that if one parent requires a babysitter for 5 hours or more (I tried for 4 hours, got 5) that the other parent would get the first call (the chance to say yes or refuse) to care for the children.

I have actually had the opportunity to use this clause a few times.
I have a question for this. My parents call me up at times and tell me that they haven't spent a lot of time with my daughter lately, so she's sleeping there. They like to do a sleepover with their two grand kids about once a month, and we usually schedule this when I have something scheduled.

I agree that my ex should have the opportunity before a random babysitter, however, I wouldn't want her to call me on friday morning and tell me that she's taking my daughter instead of my parents.

And, I'm not abusing it, and I don't think she would either. She knows that our daughter loves sleeping over at her grand parents.
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Old 11-13-2009, 02:22 PM
billiechic billiechic is offline
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Maybe then a first refusal clause could only be used if the babysitter wouldn't be a close relative. Does that make sense?

I would have no problem with my inlaws (mother or sisters) watching my daughter if my STBX can't when it's his time. Actually that happens often enough for both of us. My mom has watched my daughter overnight a couple of times in the past few months just so I can have some "me" time and go out with friends. And his sister is picking her up from daycare today. But we have 50/50. If one of us had less it could be a problem.
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Old 11-13-2009, 05:55 PM
#1StepMom #1StepMom is offline
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Hmmm... some of the ones we're grateful for are...
- That the child's health card will travel with the child at all times for all access and vacation visits; and that passport and birth certificate will be made available upon request.
- That both parties as well as immediate and extended family may attend the child's special events (eg, concerts, competitions, recitals, etc.) without restriction and without regard to whose care the child is in at the time of the event.
- That each party shall rely on a third party known to the child to provide transportation should the parties not be able to do so themselves.
- That decisions regarding the child shall be made jointly; and in the event of a disagreement, the custodial parent shall have final say short of a court order brought forth by the non-custodial parent.

It seems like common sense... but in our case, we deal with a person who unfortunately lacks a lot of common sense. So little clauses like the ones above have been key in keeping things harmoneous between our families.
  #8  
Old 11-14-2009, 07:02 PM
Stubbs Stubbs is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Foredeck View Post
I have a question for this. My parents call me up at times and tell me that they haven't spent a lot of time with my daughter lately, so she's sleeping there. They like to do a sleepover with their two grand kids about once a month, and we usually schedule this when I have something scheduled.

I agree that my ex should have the opportunity before a random babysitter, however, I wouldn't want her to call me on friday morning and tell me that she's taking my daughter instead of my parents.

And, I'm not abusing it, and I don't think she would either. She knows that our daughter loves sleeping over at her grand parents.
You have to hope that common sense comes into play with this one. Grandparents now have the right to see their Grandchildren, even though it usually isn't spelled out in most Separation Agreements. Common sense dictates that overnights with your parents is the same as time with you and is fundamentally different than you, say, going out to a concert and having a babysitter come over and put the kids to bed.
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Old 12-07-2009, 11:55 AM
Banaschar Banaschar is offline
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...neither parent shall consume alcohol to the point of not being able to legally drive.

That's a fav because it's been violated and broken 912 times in the last 2.5 years and nothing can be done about it. BTW I do not drink alcohol.

...CS payments will cease upon.....

I like that clause. It tells me when my prison door will open.
  #10  
Old 12-07-2009, 06:22 PM
dinkyface dinkyface is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Banaschar View Post
...neither parent shall consume alcohol to the point of not being able to legally drive.
Seriously? Neither parent can consume a moderate amount of alcohol, ever, even if they are not driving?
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