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Parenting Issues This forum is for discussing any of the parenting issues involved in your divorce, including parenting of step-children.

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  #11  
Old 07-28-2021, 02:46 PM
iona6656 iona6656 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tayken View Post
Appreciate it. I'm going to try to find them at the local library.
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  #12  
Old 07-29-2021, 08:48 AM
Brampton33 Brampton33 is offline
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Careful not to let our imaginations and speculations get the best of us when thinking about a kid transitioning between 2 households. Kids are EXTREMELY resilient and easily adapt.

My ex lets her imagination run wild and thinks its mayhem at my household and imagines that kids are running around crying screaming her name. Truth be told, the kids not once mention their mom (unless eagerly/willingly telling me stories about an outing or something) and actually have a great time in our household. I do not mimic her bedtime or supper routines. We have our way of doing things here, and she has her way over there. My ex is her worst enemy in terms of speculation and seriously needs counseling, however I have learned to limit interaction with her to not feed her wild imagination.
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  #13  
Old 07-31-2021, 04:36 PM
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Janus Janus is offline
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Also, kids deal with radical rule changes regularly:

School does not have the same rules as home.
Gym class likely does not have the same rules as english class.
Grandparents do not have the same rules as parents.
Friend's parents do not have the same rules.

Dealing with massive rule disparities is part of growing up. There are many things I do with my friends that I would never do at work.
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  #14  
Old 08-03-2021, 02:54 PM
cleanSlate cleanSlate is offline
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I don't know the age of your child(ren).
How about explaining to them that you want to raise a child with a healthy personality, mind and body.
Explain to them how watching the iPad before bed is not good for their sleep or brain growth etc...yes, a bit technical and you need to know how to answer their questions but it works even when you are not there to watch them.

Normally, parents are a team and can simply take the way of telling the child "no" but that is not an option and the explanation way also raises a conscientious child that has knowledge they can use in life instead of blindly following (or not) some arbitrary rules.

Kids are smart and have ambition.
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  #15  
Old 09-10-2021, 02:32 PM
iona6656 iona6656 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tayken View Post
So I borrowed the "Mom's House, Dad's House" and found it interesting. Sort of helpful.

We are in the first week of midweek overnights and it's been TOUGH to get a routine going between the two houses.

But one of the things that really helped is that the parenting hand off is done at school- and not between homes. I love it. And I would advise anyone working out their separation agreement to get have handoffs done at school- and not between parents' homes.

I still get a lot of "I'm going to stay at Dada's house because he lets me do ______". Meh. She's a bit of a mess the next day due to lack of sleep. But I'm hoping it will be better as she gets older and gets used to transitioning between her homes.

Thank you all for the advice.

ps- the iPad was just an example. lol. I'm not THAT hung up on it....but interestingly enough. I have instituted ipad (and phone for me) free weekends. I'm working up to taking it away from her during the school week.
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  #16  
Old 09-13-2021, 03:24 PM
Brampton33 Brampton33 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by iona6656 View Post
But one of the things that really helped is that the parenting hand off is done at school- and not between homes. I love it. And I would advise anyone working out their separation agreement to get have handoffs done at school- and not between parents' homes.
I agree that my personal level of comfort has gone through the roof when our parenting time transitioned so that all pickups/dropoffs are done at school. I don't have to worry about the tension of interacting with ex during an exchange or the snide comments.

However, with a high conflict ex, get ready for other ways that they try to create conflict, even during when all exchanges are school exchanges.

For example, I send kids to school with nice clothes that fit. Its guaranteed that on the days that I pick up the kids, they are in clothes far too small and meant for the trash. Whereby I cannot bring myself to send kids back to school on her pickup day with the same clothes she put on.

Another example, is the tupperware hoarding in lunches. I send kids to school with tupperware in lunches. When I pick up kids, there is no tupperware to be found. I am constantly re-stocking my tupperware rather than having to deal with her.

Lastly, I send kids to school on a rainy day with rain gear, so the stuff ends up at her place if its her pickup day. Guaranteed I won't see that stuff again. My ex does not bother to look at the weather for the next day to see if I may need the rain gear back. And so on and so on....
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  #17  
Old 09-13-2021, 04:29 PM
cleanSlate cleanSlate is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by iona6656 View Post
...but interestingly enough. I have instituted ipad (and phone for me) free weekends. I'm working up to taking it away from her during the school week.
On thing teenagers hate is a hypocrite. I like the strategy of applying the rule to yourself as well.
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  #18  
Old 09-13-2021, 09:48 PM
rockscan rockscan is offline
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On thing teenagers hate is a hypocrite. I like the strategy of applying the rule to yourself as well.

Ionas daughter is 4.


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  #19  
Old 09-14-2021, 06:18 AM
LovingDad1234 LovingDad1234 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Brampton33 View Post
For example, I send kids to school with nice clothes that fit. Its guaranteed that on the days that I pick up the kids, they are in clothes far too small and meant for the trash. Whereby I cannot bring myself to send kids back to school on her pickup day with the same clothes she put on.

Another example, is the tupperware hoarding in lunches. I send kids to school with tupperware in lunches. When I pick up kids, there is no tupperware to be found. I am constantly re-stocking my tupperware rather than having to deal with her.

Lastly, I send kids to school on a rainy day with rain gear, so the stuff ends up at her place if its her pickup day. Guaranteed I won't see that stuff again. My ex does not bother to look at the weather for the next day to see if I may need the rain gear back. And so on and so on....
I deal with petty crap and games on an ongoing basis as well. I thought things would get better with exchanges all done at school, but sadly I was wrong.

It’s either complete obliviousness from the other side and if I were to say something, they would act aloof; or it’s done on purpose to try to trigger me in hopes of gaining some sort of material to try to demonstrate we can’t cooperate.
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  #20  
Old 09-14-2021, 06:11 PM
cleanSlate cleanSlate is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rockscan View Post
Iona�s daughter is 4.
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4? I don't want to sound mean but this is parenting 101.
Iona is the parent and her child is doing what children do, push boundaries.

4 is an easy age at least for me.

1) Stand close to them and calmly tell them what the rules are. An education explanation is a good thing. "I make your bed time 8pm because I want you to grow up properly and doctors state that 8pm is the best time to go to sleep for that"; stuff like that.

2) Debating about anything especially where they are digging their heels in is a recipe for future problems. Don't put up with that. Explain and then done; parent knows best.

3) Kids recognize hypocrisy too (older kids hate it), no ipad/phone weekend = great plan.

Well that is my general and short view. They are 4 if you can't control them now it is trouble; forget about reasoning with the ex, they don't sound all that reasonable.
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