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Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

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  #1  
Old 07-26-2019, 05:18 PM
Frostrated Frostrated is offline
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Default Mental illness killed my marriage (long)

Sadly, this is not my first time at this. My husband I married six years ago. It was a wonderful, loving relationship for the most part. He loved my kids. When we first started dating, he was unemployed, being evicted and his family wouldn't help him (yeah, I'm that stupid). I heard his down and out story and I felt terrible for him. So, idiot that I am, let him move in and he slowly rebuilt a pretty good life for himself.

About four years ago, his mother got cancer. He understandably reacted badly, but it got out of hand. He decided he needed to be the one to care for her, so he unilaterally decided to go on leave from work to care for her. He withdrew from me and my kids, only joining us for dinners. He went on antidepressants but he was still in a dark place. Two years later, she passed away. Something in him was not right. He turned our bedroom into our shrine. Put her duvet on our bed, put an old lamp on my bedside table, hung her old shower curtain in our bathroom. I finally told him that I wasn't comfortable with it all. I suggested support groups. He refused. He got worse and worse and kept telling me I never allowed him to grieve, even though he took four months off work.

The last few months have gotten out of hand. He convinced me to have my mother sign over her house to us and promised things would be better without her in the picture. The week after we signed all the papers, he told me he was leaving. He knows I don't work and have been having trouble finding a job. He started sending me pages of emails and texts, calling me cold and saying how horrible I am and how he feels sorry for my kids. He never wants to talk in person, only writing to me. He is jealous of my kids and and even our dogs, complaining how he is always at the bottom of my list. Last night he went too far. He actually accused me and my 19 year old son of having some romantic relationship. I've had it. I can't live like this. He said he's done and I'm okay with it, emotionally.

Problem is, he knows I can't support myself and my kids. We've been sharing bills, with him paying the mortgage. He also has us on his medical insurance benefits and I have injections that are $1200 a month that I'll lose. He's also currently packing his stuff and putting it in the car. His name is on the mortgage as well, so can he just stiff me? I'm going to lose my house. I'm terrified.

I should also mention he has been addicted to Percocet for years and I'm wondering if that's what's affecting his thought process, but I'm also suspecting Bipolar Disorder. He's just not right.
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Old 07-26-2019, 06:25 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Frostrated View Post
He convinced me to have my mother sign over her house to us and promised things would be better without her in the picture. The week after we signed all the papers, he told me he was leaving.
You need a lawyer.

I feel like you do not adequately protect your interests. Do you qualify for legal aid by any chance?

In the event that you do not qualify for legal aid and have to self rep, use this forum as a sounding board before you sign anything. In fact, if possible, maybe just get a lawyer to look over stuff you are about to sign.

Quote:
I have injections that are $1200 a month that I'll lose.
What province are you in? Will you die without these injections?
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Old 07-26-2019, 07:25 PM
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Don't waste your time trying to diagnose him. That equates to co-dependent behavior as you are looking for excuses for his behavior. He has treated you and your family like dirt. Accept it and do what you have to do. Focus on future, not the past.

You sound quite intelligent and have use of a computer so you can do much independent research.

Did your mother have legal advice before she signed home over to you? You might want to encourage her to seek some legal advice herself (about putting lien on your property). Don't waste time in seeking legal advice - either of you.

You may need emergency motion ordering interim SS as well as child support.
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Old 07-26-2019, 07:47 PM
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My mother hated him and was miserable living here, so it was her idea to sign over the house. I didn't want to but they were both pressuring me, so I did it. It was really stupid but honestly, I had no clue things would spiral this horrendously.

I may qualify for legal aid at this point. I do part-time work out of my home but it makes very little. I think my gross salary last year was about $22,000. I'm going to a woman's shelter on Monday to speak with someone to see what my options might be. I'm in the GTA.

I've kept all the emails and texts he's sent me, mostly because when I told him he was behaving abusively toward me, he turned it around and said I was the abusive one. He makes me think I'm losing my mind.

I know there's no point in diagnosing him, because unless he admits he's mentally ill and needs help, nothing will change. Besides, after the disgusting accusations about my relationship with my son, I can't even look at him.
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Old 07-26-2019, 08:56 PM
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Unless you are prepared to work full-time then home ownership is probably not in your cards. You don't have young children so you should probably be looking for full-time work. Idle time is not a good thing. By your own admission, you are an easy "mark" and you should take steps to increase self-esteem. Full-time meaningful employment would be a good start. Empower yourself positively and don't get sucked into the role of victim. You made bad decisions is all.

You are probably still young and can still make significant changes to your life without too much trouble. Get valuation on home and move on.
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Old 07-26-2019, 10:00 PM
Helpmyspouse Helpmyspouse is offline
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I've been exactly in your place. Mental illness killed my marriage of 20 years. Out of the blue he started with paranoia and delusions. The accusations got sicker and more disgusting. He was dripping with psychosis. Fast forward 6 years, he still refuses meds, is homeless, he hired and fired many lawyers stalling the divorce process, we !ost our home, lawyers are making a killing draining both of us of every cent, our kids have not seen him in 6 years. Your husband sounds unstable like mine which means divorcing him is going to be torturous. Seek legal advice. Do what is best for you. He would throw you under the bus if he needs to. Stay safe from him. Don't let your guard down thinking he can't be violent. Neither was mine ever but then he attacked me. Protect your children. Stay strong. It will be a long expensive battle.
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Old 07-27-2019, 10:24 AM
Frostrated Frostrated is offline
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I have been searching for work for nearly six months and it's so frustrating. I've had maybe 4 interviews and I'm not great at selling myself. I thought staying at home with kids was the best thing for them but now I see I killed my chance of having a decent job. Also, so many companies are only hiring part-time. I've seen maybe a handful of full-time positions. I'm working with the employment centre in town and they'll actually pay for my training portion at a new place, so I'm hoping for that incentive.

The only good thing about this situation is that we don't have kids together. No custody battle. The house will be an issue, but if giving him half of what he doesn't deserve gets us out, I'll do it. I feel like such a loser having had this happen twice to me. I am so done with relationships.
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Old 07-27-2019, 12:52 PM
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You have extensive experience now with courts and FRO (from years of litigation with your ex). (You seem to have a high degree of accuracy in your posts). Perhaps check out the course/certification you take for court reporter position. I believe it is offered out of somewhere just east of Toronto. Once certified you can make decent income transcribing proceedings and do it from your home. Do not subcontract for a transcription company but work directly for the court.

You are in a temporary shitty situation. Persevere.
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  #9  
Old 07-27-2019, 01:07 PM
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I would add that several years ago, when I was going through my nightmare with MEP Alberta collecting from my ex, you assisted me by way of excellent advice. You were diligent with researching and interpreting acts/laws. This information I passed on to my lawyer in Alberta and he was duly impressed. Lawyers unfortunately don't tend to be up-to-speed on maintenance enforcement procedures. You are.

I sincerely hope you can eventually find work that will encompass your extensive knowledge and personal experience. Legal transcription could keep you in the game while pursuing your ideal career. Not many people have your skills/abilities.

**In all the years I have been on this forum I have never met anyone with as much knowledge as you regarding FRO and MEP respective Acts and procedures. Please do not undersell yourself.

Last edited by arabian; 07-27-2019 at 01:14 PM.
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  #10  
Old 07-28-2019, 05:52 PM
Frostrated Frostrated is offline
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arabian, I'm sorry. You must have me very confused with someone else. I am hardly knowledgeable or capable of giving great advice in these types of situations, or I wouldn't be in this mess! lol
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