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  • #16
    And thank you for 'getting it' Mike62, spousal abuse clearly is not a gender specific problem. It can happen to anyone, any age, any background. Nobody should have to put up with being mistreated - there's help out there and it's only a phone call away.

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    • #17
      Thanks for the great link! It's good to have such information at hand and floating in forums...
      Interesting enough, there was a study done on divorced parents and spousal abuse, in which this study found alarming rates of spousal abuse after separation/divorce even when there had been no prior incidents or reports of abuse amongst the couple. The study also concluded that spousal abuse was on the rise, at an above average pace.

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      • #18
        The after separation period can be very dangerous in certain cases. The stress of moving out, financial constraints, less time with the kidlets all add up - many ppl are depressed at this point and it can push them over the edge.

        I've changed the locks of my doors, I have a restraining order yet if Ex were determined enough nothing would stop him .... so far, so good. Moving away was suggested to me, but I'll be damned if I have to leave everything for his sake? I refuse to live in fear. Besides that my son is 6'4'' and my dogs don't know the Ex

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        • #19
          When my ex and I first split up I was fortunate to have an excellent security alarm system. Police had removed him several times before so they knew my situation and response time was ok (it felt alot longer than it really was). I really didn't feel safe until I moved into a condo though. Then moved to the other side of the city. Ex's g/f continued to stalk. Yes very stressful. Moving is an excellent option if safety is an issue.

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          • #20
            Yes those are great avenues to take when you fear for you or your children's physical safety!

            I had 60 pages of text messages (a years worth) from ex that were incredibly hostile, aggressive and threatening, it was so stressful to deal with. I went to my local police station and they instructed me that I could go and get a restraining order but that they could not lay charges because he wasn't threatening me physically or my property...There's that fine line that police will not get involved in such matters.

            In my opinion, having the front door being kicked in by my 6'4, 275lbs EX or emotionally and psychologically abusing me to the point of demanding a third party involvement (because we have a child together), a no contact order and therapy to help cope with the damage should be one in the same...We scold children who are bullies and strict laws are passed so that there are consequences to actions yet nothing in the adult criminal code for the "lesser" types of abuse...

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            • #21
              Yes, it can be discouraging. The police can only do so much. There's also a lot of false accusations being made which hinders 'real' victims ... A restraining order is only a piece of paper and IMO anger management therapy is a farce. So what's the solution?

              Make them accountable, always document bad behavior and press charges every single time. Eventually they figure it out and look for an "easier to control" victim - it's as simple as that. Most bullies are chicken $hit when it comes to getting caught.

              It was not easy to testify against a man whom I once loved, the father of my child, but it had to be done and I did not recant or back down even under threats. Police and courts can only do so much, it's basically up to us to fight for our peace and justice.

              As far as consequences, if the Ex ever shows up at my door it's 9-1-1 and an immediate arrest for him so I don't think he'll risk it

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              • #22
                It's sad that you had to go through that, you or anyone for that matter! My heart goes out to you and your children! True colors always show up in divorce.

                I volunteer for the first responder victim's crisis unit and see a whack load of similar situations, maybe that's why I have different view of what is "crisis" and victim as well, I've grown used to it. pre and post separation spousal abuse is nothing to turn a blind eye to. It really can get ugly, hence the reason why we see so many abductions and infanticides.

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                • #23
                  Originally posted by Helpless View Post
                  It's sad that you had to go through that, you or anyone for that matter! My heart goes out to you and your children! True colors always show up in divorce.

                  I volunteer for the first responder victim's crisis unit and see a whack load of similar situations, maybe that's why I have different view of what is "crisis" and victim as well, I've grown used to it. pre and post separation spousal abuse is nothing to turn a blind eye to. It really can get ugly, hence the reason why we see so many abductions and infanticides.
                  What's really sad is those who are hesitant to leave such situations - and there are plenty of valid reasons to be afraid. That's why I feel it's important to try to help if I can and to thank you for your volunteer work ...
                  With patience and support a better/peaceful life is the result.

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                  • #24
                    Janibel did you see this campaign out of Vancouver Please Help Me by Selina Morrison - Google it I don't think I can link on tapatalk. I'm stuck in a ski lodge watching news and this came up - in relation to a new study be ctv news -advising most incidents not reported and with those that are, they feel completely unsupported by police srvices -- no surprise there!


                    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
                    Start a discussion, not a fire. Post with kindness.

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                    • #25
                      Originally posted by mcdreamy View Post
                      Janibel did you see this campaign out of Vancouver Please Help Me by Selina Morrison - Google it I don't think I can link on tapatalk. I'm stuck in a ski lodge watching news and this came up - in relation to a new study be ctv news -advising most incidents not reported and with those that are, they feel completely unsupported by police srvices -- no surprise there!


                      Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
                      I think I found it mcdreamy here it is:

                      'Please Help Me': B.C. woman uses social media to shame alleged abuser | CTV News

                      An Okanagan woman's Facebook post about alleged domestic abuse has gone viral.


                      Good for her! She may inspire others to seek help!

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                      • #26
                        While doing a bit of spring cleaning ... I thought I should bump this thread

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                        • #27
                          Thanks J :-)

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