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Financial Issues This forum is for discussing any of the financial issues involved in your divorce.

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  #31  
Old 09-27-2013, 01:19 PM
Pursuinghappiness Pursuinghappiness is offline
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Rule of 65 caught me completely off guard. Now I have to psych for 40+ years. THAT is what I am "whining" about. A 49 year old getting lifetime support is something I was NOT prepared for.... even though I thought I did my homework.
Yea, good point...you've got me there. That is a completely dumb rule and needs to be changed. 49 isn't old enough that a person can't go out and earn a living...complete nonsense.

You have my sympathies and I'd sign up for any petition to change that crap.
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  #32  
Old 09-27-2013, 01:47 PM
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Originally Posted by SomeGuy View Post
I do accept the consequences of my actions, and the culpability for my failures. The "rule of thumb" in the back of my mind for SS was "half the length of the marriage". I always knew I'd be in for long term support, and was psyched for 8-12 years (on a 16 year marriage). Even confirmed that with a lawyer 2 years before separation.

Rule of 65 caught me completely off guard. Now I have to psych for 40+ years. THAT is what I am "whining" about. A 49 year old getting lifetime support is something I was NOT prepared for.... even though I thought I did my homework.

I've actually just helped my kids get their first jobs... for all the reasons you describe. No thanks to her...
You won't necessarily be paying the full support level the whole time, I guess?
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  #33  
Old 09-27-2013, 01:55 PM
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Originally Posted by Pursuinghappiness View Post
I own up to the fact that I literally trained him into being a jagoff with my tolerating his behavior. I still shake my head at the things I put up with but I own it...its my fault.
Substitute "him/his" with "her".... and I could not have written that better myself.

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At the end of the day, you accept your mistakes, fix what you can and move on with life. When you achieve happiness, its a lot easier to deal with.
After 3 years of bitter acrimony... With the final orders roaming throught the system... I'm just weeks away from finally "moving on"

I feel the edges of a peace I haven't felt in many years...
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  #34  
Old 09-27-2013, 01:59 PM
Pursuinghappiness Pursuinghappiness is offline
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Congratulations SomeGuy. You have my very best wishes!
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  #35  
Old 09-27-2013, 02:45 PM
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Originally Posted by Links17 View Post
You won't necessarily be paying the full support level the whole time, I guess?
Orders state "CS/SS to be reviewed annually" with no end date.

For the next several years, things will be swinging around. Kidlets are starting University... so things like moving away, RESPs, etc will impact the CS side... and hence the SS.

I've also been told that starting around 65 or so I can apply (to the courts) to retire, which is a major "material change of circumstance".... and hence reduce payments greatly.... but first I have to save up enough (again) to retire.... bit of a catch 22 as I can't save enough with the massive SS... so if I can't afford to retire, she keeps drawing SS. A lot of IFs to get through, so plan for the worst and hope for the best.

Unfortunately, both of our financial situations have twists and turns which make all of this less than straightforward.

In practical terms, what this means is this nonsense gets reopened every June... forever... and I certainly don't expect her to get any easier to deal with as the decades drag on....

For now, I'm just enjoying... for the first time... a lull in the "action".
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  #36  
Old 09-27-2013, 04:22 PM
frustratedwithex frustratedwithex is offline
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Rule of 65 caught me completely off guard. Now I have to psych for 40+ years. THAT is what I am "whining" about. A 49 year old getting lifetime support is something I was NOT prepared for.... even though I thought I did my homework.
I don't know how your ex. managed to get this deal from you.

I was about that age when I first separated, (of course older when we finally settled), much longer marriage-relationship even longer, and rule of 65, and in no way was not working acceptable to anyone.

Lawyers, mediators, arbitrator, all told me I had to do everything possible to be self sufficient, and I agreed. Not working or working part time was not an option.

The issue my ex. has, is that I will not reach the income level he thinks I should be at. He thinks this is an excuse.

I have upgraded my skills, (working and taking night classes, or classes on-line), and am currently working 50 plus hours a week between 2 jobs. But the reality is I have very few years to climb that pay ladder and will most likely never reach the income he thinks I should be at. Doesn't mean I'm not trying, just being realistic.

There will be 1 review, next year, to see where I am at, then support will be set. Don't know why yours will be reviewed every year.

Both of us will determine our own retirement age based on what we both can save until that happens. Believe me, I will retire much older than my ex.
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  #37  
Old 09-27-2013, 04:38 PM
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Originally Posted by frustratedwithex View Post
I don't know how your ex. managed to get this deal from you.

I was about that age when I first separated, (of course older when we finally settled), much longer marriage-relationship even longer, and rule of 65, and in no way was not working acceptable to anyone.

Lawyers, mediators, arbitrator, all told me I had to do everything possible to be self sufficient, and I agreed. Not working or working part time was not an option.

The issue my ex. has, is that I will not reach the income level he thinks I should be at. He thinks this is an excuse.

I have upgraded my skills, (working and taking night classes, or classes on-line), and am currently working 50 plus hours a week between 2 jobs. But the reality is I have very few years to climb that pay ladder and will most likely never reach the income he thinks I should be at. Doesn't mean I'm not trying, just being realistic.

There will be 1 review, next year, to see where I am at, then support will be set. Don't know why yours will be reviewed every year.

Both of us will determine our own retirement age based on what we both can save until that happens. Believe me, I will retire much older than my ex.
This is more realistic, but the reality is that if you fail to be self-sufficient, he still pays. If you "fake" attempts to be self-sufficient he still pays - and at the end - if you can earn 20$/hr working or get that much from sitting at home there isn't a whole lot of incentive...
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  #38  
Old 09-27-2013, 04:52 PM
frustratedwithex frustratedwithex is offline
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Originally Posted by Links17 View Post
This is more realistic, but the reality is that if you fail to be self-sufficient, he still pays. If you "fake" attempts to be self-sufficient he still pays - and at the end - if you can earn 20$/hr working or get that much from sitting at home there isn't a whole lot of incentive...
Yes, he still pays. Despite his protests, he did benefit during the marriage.

My earning potential was compromised, his was not. It is unconscionable for him to ride off into the sunset benefiting from our relationship and for me to be at a place we were both at when we were in our 20s.
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  #39  
Old 09-27-2013, 05:41 PM
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Yes, he still pays. Despite his protests, he did benefit during the marriage.
If he knew he was putting himself in this amount of liability you would have been divorced a long time ago or he would have insisted under threat of divorce for you to work. No SAHW/M is worth half your salary for half the length of your marriage unless you make really little money.


Quote:
My earning potential was compromised, his was not. It is unconscionable for him to ride off into the sunset benefiting from our relationship and for me to be at a place we were both at when we were in our 20s.
I agree, but the reality is that for 20 years he worked probably 40+hrs/week leaving in the morning and coming home etc..... Dealt with crappy bosses, crappier clients, he might have been just a number in a corporation..

Yeah, I agree being a SAHM/W has its perks and isn't a 24/7 coffee break ESPECIALLY if your husband is the time that comes home and helps however I firmly believe that being a SAHM/W when kids are in school full-time is the difficulty/stress level/freedom level of working 15hrs/week at retail clothing store.

So during the marriage, the guy thinks he is doing his wife a favour letting her stay at home and then at the end of the marriage he realizes (how evil of him!) that he was in fact screwing her over and now he covered his expenses while married to her +++++ he has to pay her to "hopefully" become self-sufficient....

Thank God in Quebec you can live with somebody without becoming their insurance policy! VIVE LA QUEBEC!!
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  #40  
Old 09-27-2013, 06:13 PM
frustratedwithex frustratedwithex is offline
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If he knew he was putting himself in this amount of liability you would have been divorced a long time ago or he would have insisted under threat of divorce for you to work. No SAHW/M is worth half your salary for half the length of your marriage unless you make really little money.
No, this is you and what you wished you had done. Because when the working started, my ex. was all talk and in reality did not support my job, at all.

Still wanted me available when ever he wanted, because he had worked hard to be able to have 5-6 weeks vacation and was not going to put up with my not having any vacation time, or what ever excuse he came up with each time my life/job/kids interfered with his reality.

Quote:
but the reality is that for 20 years he worked probably 40+hrs/week leaving in the morning and coming home etc.....
The reality is that right now he enjoys 6 plus weeks of vacation and as many Fridays off that he wants, golf memberships, recreational vehicles, etc.

When he was working at establishing his career, he had me to pick up the pieces at home. He was so driven in his career that had he not have been married to me, he would not have had a family.

I am now doing all of these things by myself. On my very rare days off, I am cleaning, doing yard work, shopping, paying bills, trying to have dinner with my kids, who I seldom see. No one to pick up these pieces while I work many long hours establishing a decent job.

So during the marriage, the women thinks she is doing her husband a favour letting him relax, pursue his career at all cost to the family structure and then at the end of the marriage she realizes that in fact she got screwed and now has to start over.
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