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Filing for divorce without collateral issues

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  • Filing for divorce without collateral issues

    Having been separated for almost 2 years without any progress towards a signed separation agreement, it seems we are headed to court. I want to negotiate and sort out the finances, etc, he does not. I have a new common law partner and want to move on with life as 'normal' as possible. I know the whole court process can take another 1-2 years and I suspect my STB ex is content stalling as long as he can just out of bitterness. SO...I would like to file for divorce anyways and separate the collateral issues from a simple divorce. No child issues on custody or access, etc.

    The questions I have is to do with meeting the requirements that a judge would grant the divorce (knowing the other non-child related issues will be sorted out after the fact).

    1) Health benefits. We have 2 kids, one with my ex and the other away in university. I am and have been voluntarily paying table child support and covering bills that equal mid range table spousal support. I have him and the kids on my plan, myself and the kids on mine AND my partner's extended health care benefits, they are covered. I want to cancel my own health plan altogether as the premiums I pay are very high and my partner's plan is equal or better with 1/10th the cost. Myself and the kids would remain covered, my ex would not (obviously). He has no serious health issues, not even an ongoing prescription or need for glasses (currently)...just usual dental stuff, etc. Considering I pay mid range spousal ($200) and the health premiums to keep my plan are additionally over $100/month, can I either just drop the plan and offer high range spousal instead, or am I reasonable to just cancel the expensive plan period and let him sort it out? I assume this issue needs sorting out to prevent an objection to my divorce application...

    2) Supplementary Death Benefit insurance. One issue we have not settled is the division of my pension. Once we are divorced he will not be entitled to this benefit so I anticipate some objection here as well. I do have a life insurance policy (named to the kids) I can alter beneficiary amounts to cover this in the interim until the sep agreement is done (or court). Any thoughts if this would cover my responsibility to a judge in granting the divorce?

    Moving on and removing some of the 'power' my ex thinks he holds over my life is my purpose here. I really feel his bitterness is blinding him to the extent he can't see the mutual benefit of closure. I'm hoping an official Divorce decree will move him forward...

    Any experience or recommendations here would greatly be appreciated!

  • #2
    Concerning #1 - it does not strike me as reasonable to keep your ex on your plan once he is in fact an ex. Health insurance companies typically don't cover former partners (and many [mine for instance] make it a condition of coverage that you report any changes in your marital situation so that former spouses can be removed). You are responsible for yourself and your kids; he's responsible for his own stuff. That's what being an "ex" means. It's probably polite to notify him in advance that you will be removing him from the plan or cancelling the plan so if he ha some last-minute expenses (going to the dentist for e.g.) he can get that done before he has to fend for himself). (This shouldn't be traded off against spousal support - SS is a different matter entirely).

    #2 - Same. You should be sure your kids are covered in the event of your death, but your ex does not need to be a beneficiary. You could set him up as a trustee if your kids are young, but you don't even need to do that. I have my death benefits set up so that my best friend has control of them if I die before my daughter is of age, my ex isn't even in the picture. The issue of life insurance is different from the issue of pension splitting, which is a whole other ball game.

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    • #3
      Thank you stripes. So what you are saying is that to remove him from my health plan (yes I would give advance notice) via updating my marital status with the plan provider is reasonable. I agree...but, I am concerned it may prompt the need for some support provision in my divorce application to replace the benefit that is no longer available for him, no? If not, great!

      Thanks for your and any other thoughts on the matter...I have been having a hard time finding info on separating the divorce from the other issues. It seems that just custody, and the direct impacts of divorce on the rights of my STB ex are the only issues that need addressing.

      I know I am not the only one out there who just wants things to move forward but is met with resistance. All tips appreciated!

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      • #4
        I'm not a lawyer and could be entirely wrong but ... I don't think that removing him from your health benefits is reason to give him extra spousal support. I think the ideal outcome for divorce proceedings is to get the two individuals to where they would have been if they had never married in the first place, separate and independent. Spousal support can be justified if it is compensation for economic losses one spouse incurred because of the marriage, to get them (in theory) back to where they would have been if they had not had those losses.

        With respect to extended health insurance benefits through your workplace - if you had never been married, he would not have had those benefits, so it doesn't make sense to keep on covering him well after the marriage is over (especially in Canada, where we already have excellent public health care). He doesn't get to continue enjoying the benefits of being married to you long after the marriage ends. You also don't have to invite him to your office parties, help him pick out a new car, or buy him Christmas presents, because you are not married to him anymore. He is a separate individual now.

        He or his lawyer may well ask for extra money once the extended benefit plan is discontinued, but they can ask for whatever they want - I think you would be well within your rights to say no. (If you really want to get this over and done with, you might give in on this item in exchange for getting the divorce done - but this is not something which he is unquestionably entitled to).

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