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  • Child cuts finger, while bathing - other parent was not attending -smoking downstairs

    So, I picked my D4 up today.
    It wasn't until I had her in my vehicle, pulling out (Mom had already went back in house), that my daughter wanted to show me her thumb. It was bandaged up. I didn't notice this outside. Mom failed to mention anything to me, she had ducked back in the house already, without telling me anything.

    So I asked my D how she cut her tumb, and she related she cut it on "Mommy's razer". Apparently, it was sitting on the tub edge, because I asked her where she got a razer. I figured she was snooping through a drawer or something at Mom's, but I guess it was on the tub edge, while D is having a bath?

    I asked her, what Mommy did, when she cut herself, and D said Mommy was downstairs smoking in the basement when she cut herself. I was not happy hearing that. I guess she came up, when D was crying for her. I told D, that it looks like Mommy bandaged it up, and it looks okay now. I also reminded her, to never play with razers or knives if she finds them.

    I took a look at the cut, and it seems minor, so I'm not worried about the cut, except maybe to ask Mom to keep her razers out of reach - it could have been a worse cut, but it wasn't. What I'm more worried about, is the fact that my D says mom was downstairs smoking, while my D4 is in the tub by herself.

    Kids at this age, should not be left alone in the tub. Too many things can happen.
    I'm only going by what D relates, but I'm of the belief, that kids at this age, don't make stuff up. They're going to relate what they see/do/hear.

    I had a prior semi-related thread on this, with Mom smoking in the house:
    http://www.ottawadivorce.com/forum/f...arettes-13388/

    This keeps coming up. Mom claims she doesn't smoke in the house. It seems she does by how many times this seems to come up, and now it seems it was taking precedence over supervising daughter while bathing.

    I'll likely ask Mom about what happened to D's thumb - but I'll either get no response or a hostile response, again.

  • #2
    She probably does, and obviously is not doing it around the child. She had a razor in the bathroom. I'm sure you do too, and so does every other parent.

    You are putting your ex's life under a microscope to find things to criticize about. I'm sure if she put your life under a microscope she could find things too.

    Are you a perfect person?

    Comment


    • #3
      No, I'm not a perfect person...but I have common-sense and responsibility. You don't leave just-turned-4 year olds alone in the tub, because you crave a smoke in the basement, or for any reason - that was the point of my original post. The razor cut was just what happened this time, because she's left on her own.

      I also have the sense to not leave razors in reach of kids either.

      Comment


      • #4
        Do you think perhaps she doesn't know that D4 cut her thumb on the razor? (sarcasm)

        That would be the only possible reason I could think of for you to ask her about this.

        Anything else is blaming in the form of a question.
        Last edited by dinkyface; 11-20-2012, 10:08 PM.

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by dad2bandm View Post
          No, I'm not a perfect person...but I have common-sense and responsibility. You don't leave just-turned-4 year olds alone in the tub, because you crave a smoke in the basement, or for any reason - that was the point of my original post. The razor cut was just what happened this time, because she's left on her own.

          I also have the sense to not leave razors in reach of kids either.
          1. Write an affidavit outlining this evidence.

          2. Complete a notice of motion. I highly recommend an "urgent" motion and ex-parte too!

          3. Print it all out.

          4. Take it to the court house.

          5. Walk into the court house.

          6. Throw all this paperwork into the first trash can you see.

          7. Go to the cafeteria and get a soda. You might as well go for a soda. Nobody hurts and nobody dies...

          Mess is correct, your concerns are irrelevant and although it may be cathartic to vent on this site about your "parental concerns" (anxieties) they are unfortunately irrelevant.

          The comment I highlighted in bold could be anticipatory anxiety on an event that may never happen. Really consider the reality of your situation. I am doubtful that the child in question is in any sort of danger.

          Good Luck!
          Tayken
          Last edited by Tayken; 11-20-2012, 10:13 PM.

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by dinkyface View Post
            Do you think perhaps she doesn't know that D4 cut her thumb on the razor? (sarcasm)

            That would be the only possible reason I could think of for you to ask her about this.

            Anything else is blaming in the form of a question.
            Excellent point and excellent statement. Going to thief this quote but, will make sure I quote you dinkyface when I use it.

            Comment


            • #7
              I have to agree with Mess. My son was 3 when he climbed up on the back of the toilet seat, got in the sink and opened the cabinet door. I heard a scream and ran there was his bottom lip just hanging there. He said he wanted to shave like daddy. I ran him to the hospital and to this day he has a scar. Our bathroom cabinet had 3 doors and the razor was at the far end one. Needless to say I bought him an electric razor after that.
              My granddaughter dropped her 12 week old brother when her mom just went to the kitchen for a second.
              At 4 my children were alone in the tub...as long as I could hear them they were fine. They had all kinds of toys to play with and I was just around the corner in another room. All 4 boys survived with no PTSD ;-)

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by dad2bandm View Post
                So, I picked my D4 up today.
                It wasn't until I had her in my vehicle, pulling out (Mom had already went back in house), that my daughter wanted to show me her thumb. It was bandaged up. I didn't notice this outside. Mom failed to mention anything to me, she had ducked back in the house already, without telling me anything.
                So you only noticed your daughters' bandaged finger when you were both "outside" before going into the car. If it was so important to you, why didn't you turn the car around, head back to your ex's house and demand an explanation?

                No wonder your ex quickly ducked. Maybe if you were reasonable and willing to listen, she would have explained the situation to you rather than avoiding you

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by dad2bandm View Post
                  So, I picked my D4 up today.
                  It wasn't until I had her in my vehicle, pulling out (Mom had already went back in house), that my daughter wanted to show me her thumb. It was bandaged up. I didn't notice this outside. Mom failed to mention anything to me, she had ducked back in the house already, without telling me anything.

                  So I asked my D how she cut her tumb, and she related she cut it on "Mommy's razer". Apparently, it was sitting on the tub edge, because I asked her where she got a razer. I figured she was snooping through a drawer or something at Mom's, but I guess it was on the tub edge, while D is having a bath?

                  I asked her, what Mommy did, when she cut herself, and D said Mommy was downstairs smoking in the basement when she cut herself. I was not happy hearing that. I guess she came up, when D was crying for her. I told D, that it looks like Mommy bandaged it up, and it looks okay now. I also reminded her, to never play with razers or knives if she finds them.

                  I took a look at the cut, and it seems minor, so I'm not worried about the cut, except maybe to ask Mom to keep her razers out of reach - it could have been a worse cut, but it wasn't. What I'm more worried about, is the fact that my D says mom was downstairs smoking, while my D4 is in the tub by herself.

                  Kids at this age, should not be left alone in the tub. Too many things can happen.
                  I'm only going by what D relates, but I'm of the belief, that kids at this age, don't make stuff up. They're going to relate what they see/do/hear.

                  I had a prior semi-related thread on this, with Mom smoking in the house:
                  http://www.ottawadivorce.com/forum/f...arettes-13388/

                  This keeps coming up. Mom claims she doesn't smoke in the house. It seems she does by how many times this seems to come up, and now it seems it was taking precedence over supervising daughter while bathing.

                  I'll likely ask Mom about what happened to D's thumb - but I'll either get no response or a hostile response, again.
                  Smoking in the house is not illegal. Maybe not the best parenting practice, but there's nothing prohibiting it.

                  I can't help but wonder if you sit on the toilet seat the entire time your daughter bathes at your house?

                  I think you are looking for problems, which is a bad strategy for being happy and moving on.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Why didn't I turn the car around, to demand an explanation, with my daughter in the truck, on her front stoop? This isn't Jerry Springer, that's why.

                    If you can hear your kids, in the next room, that is an entirely different situation - you can easily ask them "are you okay?", "what are you doing", if they are quiet. You can hear them in the tub. You don't leave your kids alone in the tub, when you're out of ear-shot, two floors down in the basement. And for a smoke, which it seems like it was the case? That's irresponsible.

                    It only takes a second for a toddler to slip, and bang their head off the tub. #1 water rule - never leave young children near water, alone. This I know, personally, and tragicly.

                    It happens more than you think...

                    No, I'm not obviously filing a court motion, or anything...I would just like to know, that my kid is being supervised. This is on-going with Mom, which is why CAS has been involved with her before, but not with me, or involving my kid.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      I get your apparent sense of indignity over the matter. Really I do. I'm not trying to minimize your thoughts, as I was there not too long ago myself.

                      But I'm telling you there are bigger battles to fight.

                      Realise your emotional response is normal, but unhelpful and based more on an emotional rather than valid arguement.

                      I'm trying to be helpful here, really.

                      Learn to let go and not sweat the little details. In my humble estimation, this IS a 'little' detail.
                      Last edited by wretchedotis; 11-20-2012, 11:41 PM.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by wretchedotis View Post
                        I get your apparent sense of indignity over the matter. Really I do. I'm not trying to minimize your thoughts, as I was there not too long ago myself.

                        But I'm telling you there are bigger battles to fight.

                        Realise your emotional response is normal, but unhelpful and based more on an emotional rather than valid arguement.

                        I'm trying to be helpful here, really.

                        Learn to let go and not sweat the little details. In my humble estimation, this IS a 'little' detail.
                        ^^ What wretchedotis said...

                        To further emphasize wretchedotis' comment which is in bold:

                        Bill Eddy

                        AVOID EMOTIONAL REASONING: When people are upset, our perceptions can be distorted temporarily or permanently. Our emotions may cause us to jump to conclusions, view things as “all or nothing,” take innocent things personally, fill in “facts” that are not really true, unknowingly project our own behavior onto others, and unconsciously “split” people into absolute enemies and unrealistic allies. This happens at times to everyone, so check out your perceptions with others to make sure they have not been distorted by the emotional trauma of the divorce and related events. Many cases get stuck in court for years fighting over who was lying, when instead it was emotional reasoning which could have been avoided from the start.
                        Good Luck!
                        Tayken

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          OP; I would not keep razors around a child. I have cut myself by accident so I know how easy that is. Obviously you are concerned but you also know (you must) that you cannot dictate how Mom lives her life (smoking/not smoking). I don't particularly care for leaving a young child in a tub either. But for all you know, Mom was within earshot. You do not know that she wasn't.

                          You need to realize that while you do not care for how Mom does some things (where child is concerned) that this incident is hardly a silver bullet of an example to try and make a monumental issue of.

                          Kids are going to get cuts and bruises, that's a fact. As a plus, your D4 has just discovered all on her own that razors are sharp and can cut skin. She will likely not go near them for a long time to come. Best of Luck.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by Tayken View Post
                            trash can you see.

                            7. Go to the cafeteria and get a soda. You might as well go for a soda. Nobody hurts and nobody dies...

                            Tayken
                            A Kim Mitchell fan! Great tune by the way!

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Was daughter in the bath or was she just in the bathroom - either using the toilet or poking around?

                              I used to have my kids sing if I had to run out of the bathroom during baths (usually to deal with an emergency for the other child) and had this practice continue as they got older and wanted more privacy until I felt comfortable that they were able to do it on their own without me hovering.

                              Comment

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