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  • Domestic Violence

    Have been following this forum for quite some time. A lot of interesting people and thoughts.

    I have a question related to child custody, and wondering if someone could help.

    The situation is that my friend had a conditional discharge for domestic assault against his then girlfriend, now ex-wife 10 years ago. I am wondering how this would impact his child custody with his now 2 year old child. Could he get 50/50 physical residence with joint custody? How would a judge see this and what will be the possible outcomes?

    We tried to look for answer in both past forums and on CanLii, but had no luck.

    Thank you all in advance

  • #2
    What were his "conditions" for discharge? (ongoing anger-management counselling, staying away from ex, any charges since that time eg.)?

    Friend is best to consult with a family law lawyer.

    Comment


    • #3
      happened 10 years ago ? Or they met 10 years ago and this happened recently ?

      are they communicating? How often does he get to see his kids now ? is there any supervised access in place ?

      Yes, he could get joint custody and 50/50 access. he could also get sole custody and your friend could end up with every other weekend or supervised access. That all comes down to the judge residing the matter.

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by arabian View Post
        What were his "conditions" for discharge? (ongoing anger-management counselling, staying away from ex, any charges since that time eg.)?

        Friend is best to consult with a family law lawyer.
        The condition was to attend anger-management counselling course of which he did. His record is completely clean now, and has been removed from his record 6 years ago.

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by trinton View Post
          happened 10 years ago ? Or they met 10 years ago and this happened recently ?

          are they communicating? How often does he get to see his kids now ? is there any supervised access in place ?

          Yes, he could get joint custody and 50/50 access. he could also get sole custody and your friend could end up with every other weekend or supervised access. That all comes down to the judge residing the matter.
          Hi trinton,

          great questions.

          The charge was 10 years ago. The condition for discharge was met a yet after, and since then it is completely removed from his criminal record.

          They most communicate through the lawyers, and he is currently seeing his kid three hours on weekday, and one overnight from from Saturday to Sunday.

          There is no supervised access in place.

          He is fighting to get 50/50 with joint custody. The other party most latching on the fact that he had the domestic assault again his ex-wife 10 year ago when they were dating.

          In your opinion/reading, how significant is the domestic assault that happened 10 year ago to his case?

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by george_linge View Post
            The charge was 10 years ago. The condition for discharge was met a yet after, and since then it is completely removed from his criminal record.

            They most communicate through the lawyers, and he is currently seeing his kid three hours on weekday, and one overnight from from Saturday to Sunday.

            There is no supervised access in place.

            He is fighting to get 50/50 with joint custody. The other party most latching on the fact that he had the domestic assault again his ex-wife 10 year ago when they were dating.

            In your opinion/reading, how significant is the domestic assault that happened 10 year ago to his case?
            Not at all.

            He's been conditionally discharged. It doesn't show up on his criminal record or in a background check. It's as if it never happened. He doesn't have to bring it up.

            Even if his new-ex brings up the assault against his old-ex, he can just rebut that it was against a different partner, he attended the anger management counselling and learned a lot, he received a discharge, there was no similar issue in the subsequent relationship with new-ex, there was never any issue with children, and his access with his child is not supervised.

            His ex is grasping at straws.

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by Rioe View Post
              Not at all.

              He's been conditionally discharged. It doesn't show up on his criminal record or in a background check. It's as if it never happened. He doesn't have to bring it up.

              Even if his new-ex brings up the assault against his old-ex, he can just rebut that it was against a different partner, he attended the anger management counselling and learned a lot, he received a discharge, there was no similar issue in the subsequent relationship with new-ex, there was never any issue with children, and his access with his child is not supervised.

              His ex is grasping at straws.
              Hi Rioe,

              Thanks for the response.

              My apologies that I was not clear in my answer to trinton, there is no new-ex, old-ex. It is the same woman. Except when the conditional discharge was laid, they were boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. However, they reconciled back then, and got married after, even with the conditional discharge matter.

              Do you think in this case, his ex is still grasping at straws?

              Comment


              • #8
                Conditional discharge means he wasnt charged .. and did what the judge told him to. Also, it's been over a decade. He can pursue 50/50. It will surely be brought up as a weighing factor but the judge wont bat an eyelash.

                Comment


                • #9
                  I really dont think he has to worry about it. If the same woman he assaulted was the same one who married him after and there has been no issues since then he can use that if she brings it up.

                  Tell him to be careful, her friends are probably telling her to set him up to have him react so she can call the police and use it against him.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by george_linge View Post
                    Hi Rioe,

                    Thanks for the response.

                    My apologies that I was not clear in my answer to trinton, there is no new-ex, old-ex. It is the same woman. Except when the conditional discharge was laid, they were boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. However, they reconciled back then, and got married after, even with the conditional discharge matter.

                    Do you think in this case, his ex is still grasping at straws?
                    That's probably even better for him, that it was all the same relationship. She didn't break up with him over the incident and even married him later, so obviously she didn't think it was serious. Then, she trusted him enough to have a kid with him, and presumably had no issues with his parenting until they broke up, after which he had unsupervised access.

                    He needs to use his anger management skills, remain calm, and rebut all her emotional arguments with logical facts.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by standing on the sidelines View Post
                      Tell him to be careful, her friends are probably telling her to set him up to have him react so she can call the police and use it against him.
                      That was my first thought. I would strongly recommend buying a voice recorder and using it on every single interaction with the ex. The recordings can't be used as a sword, just a shield. You can't use the recordings against your ex, but you can certainly use the recordings to defend yourself against false allegations from the ex.

                      Of course, as standing implied, allegations don't have to be false. It is likely that she will try to provoke your friend. He has a history of domestic violence, so anything would work. If he throws at pillow at her she could spin it against him. If she grabs his arm and he pushes her away. If she stands in the doorway to block him. So many risky situations.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        I was in the same boat. My 4 children live with me, and STBX pays C/S

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          I am not going to quote everyone who has answered this thread. I just want to personally thank you all for your responses. I have shared your responses with my friend and he is quite encouraged by all of your response.

                          It's unfortunate that he is going through all of this, when in fact he loves his child and willing to go the distance to get more time with the child.

                          Wish all of you the best. plainNamedDad44, we will search through your threads to hopefully pick up a trick or two from you.

                          Thanks again, this forum never disappoints.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            No need for him to worry at all. Domestic violence is not at all taken seriously in family court. Even with overwhelming video evidence, medical records, CAS testifying, police testifying it’s treated as a joke by all family court judges. Beating your spouse up? Judges don’t care. They don’t think it affects your ability to parent. Beat up your own kid? Judges don’t care. They might give you supervised access for awhile but believe no matter what a person has done their right to unsupervised access trumps the child or spouses right to safety.

                            Just tell him to pull the PAS card. Judges love parental alienation. Even if a person murdered their spouse or child a family court judge will side with the perpetrator that they had no choice because it was parental alienation.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by Stillbreathing View Post
                              Beating your spouse up? Judges don’t care.
                              Beat up your own kid? Judges don’t care.
                              Even if a person murdered their spouse or child a family court judge will side with the perpetrator that they had no choice because it was parental alienation.

                              You are joking, right?

                              Comment

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