Visitation

[gvjt]

Hi all. I'm living in the same city as my ex-wife and kids, and my new partner says she thinks I see them too often. My relationship with her is very important, and I don't want to jeaprodize it in anyway, but at the same time I feel a responsibility to be a father to my children. Can I get some feedback from any of you that have experience with visitation issues about what is a reasonable amount of visitation per week? Right now my partner works on Tuesday evening from 7 to 10, and that is when I had planned on regularly visiting the kids, although she has finished work at 9:30 every time so far and I've had to cut my visit short. I thought I'd go earlier this week, like around 4 or 5 since she is very busy at that time getting ready for work, and I didn't think she'd miss me, but she expressed some concern. I'm really not in a position to judge this situation my self, so I'm hoping for some advice from neutral observers. 'any thoughts? I also see them briefly on the odd weekend for an hour here or there.
-gt-

[logicalvelocity]

Did your new partner not realize that you had children previous to your relationship.

Your children are only children once and they grow up fast.

Visiting with your kids one evening a week is unreasonable in the sense that your children deserve more time with you than one evening per week. Have you considered full weekends etc and shared holidays.

A general visiting regime is an alternate weekend, shared holidays etc.

[polar]

One night a week is nowhere near enough. Even 2 or 3 aren't enough, but 1 should be out of the question.

Alternate weekends are the norm, is there any reason why you cant stick with that?

[Aden]

two cents...

I hate to be this way.. but considering what I am going through id be so happy seeing my kids more often.. no one at all would ever come between them and I would make sure that my new partner knows that...I would never of wanted kids ever...if I did not want to put them first -- it must be very hard for you.. and I understand that your new partner and her concerns...it must be very hard.. try to sit her down very upfront and honestly and let her knwo of yuor concerns for your kids and her... compromise and understanding go a long long way...good luck..
Aden

[Hanging On]

I agree - I would also be concerned about getting seriously involved with someone who thought I saw my kids too much....They are the priority. If your new partner cannot understand that and compromise some of her opinions, I would be very leary of that person....

[howdIgethere]

Kids gotta come first

I can understand that you could be totally head over heels in love with somebody but please ask yourself this..did you not fall head over heels in love when you held your first child in your arms? First love(s) first.

Hard as it may be, if she dosen't understand...please try to take a look down the road.

[ladyluck]

I agree - I would also be concerned about getting seriously involved with someone who thought I saw my kids too much....They are the priority. If your new partner cannot understand that and compromise some of her opinions, I would be very leary of that person....

Exactly, thats so wrong.
If they cant understand your love for your kids, what kind of person is he?

[Julie]

I agree with rest of these people.

If your new lover can not understand the fact that you are a father, the relationship is going to be soo much more diffilcult between you & her.

If your lover can't grasp that, I just hope you wouldn't choose a woman over your kids.

[jlalex]

Since you were asking for opinions ....

I think that anyone who can say ' you see your kids too much' is not a person who should be involved with someone who has children. Its not easy having relationships when you have children but you don't need to make it more difficult by having someone in your life who doesn't support every oppurtunity you may have to see your kids.

In my opinion your kids are a part of you heart..and if she wants your heart she needs to be happy and willing to take all of it, kids included. They come first and always should.

Both myself and the man I'm living with have kids, mine live with us and his child live with the mother..our lives revolve around our kids, they always always come first..never a question or a doubt. For us both being step parents we realize our role is to foster each others relationship with our children.

I'd question her regarding her motives..what does she stand to lose with you spending time with your kids? I don't see how or why this would affect her at all..except maybe she doesn't have unlimited access and control over you.

Good luck to you!!

[jlalex]

Back again..lol

I was just re-reading your post and I had a thought. you said 'My relationship with her is very important, and I don't want to jeaprodize it in anyway'..

what about your relationship with your kids..is anyone worth jepordizing your relationship with your kids?

You obviously care for this woman..but you need to ask yourself does she have your best interests at heart?

Please don't become one of those parents who only see their kids when it is only convienent for the adults. Kids aren't convienent by nature..lol. And remember someday they will be all grown up and if you miss out on their lives or sacrifice time with them to be with someone else you'll have to answer to them in the end.

Sorry if that seems harsh but thats the reality of the situation.

Good luck and God bless.

[homer]

And remember someday they will be all grown up and if you miss out on their lives or sacrifice time with them to be with someone else you'll have to answer to them in the end.

Exactly. And not only will you have to answer to them, but also to yourself.
You will regret it, and the kids may eventually grow away from you.

[sasha1]

I'm with everyone else on this one. ANYONE who endeavours to come between you and your children (and make no mistake, that IS what she's doing) needs to hit the road! Her agenda is all about her.. not you, not your relationship with her, and certainly not with the kids. Moreover, I'd take this as a clear sign of her character and make it the deal-breaker. Sure, you might be able to talk to her about it and work it all out, but don't kid yourself... this is a character issue, and it WILL rear it's ugly head again. I know it'll hurt, and I feel for you, but she's not the right person for you.