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  • #16
    Originally posted by standing on the sidelines View Post
    my ex and I lived for together for a while after separation. The deal was no new partners calling or bringing them here. Any new relationships had to be away from the house out of respect for the other person.
    We had the rule but she is now obviously not giving a crap. She now says she's not doing anything wrong and I can't stop her.

    Letters have already been sent asking for basically that and the best interest of he children and her lawyer told her I can't legally stop her.

    Sorry I'm on my phone with a crazy 4G signal.

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    • #17
      I agree with McD.

      This is about boundaries and not being walked on. It goes further than today. In the future when you have separate residences, she will push your boundaries with other issues like if and when to drop off the kids, or buys clothing, or whatever.

      You have as much right to your space as she does. You have as much right to time with kids as her. You have as much right to financial security. Etc, etc, etc. She is playing the game to be on top. You have to play to be side by side.

      I was joking (a bit) about being a jackass, but you need to be assertive. If she wants you to go somewhere else, then she needs to offer you something, like for example the price of a motel, and something on top of that for your trouble. Otherwise she is taking advantage.

      I spent years sharing a house with 5 roomates. Look at the situation from that perspective.

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      • #18
        Originally posted by FB_ View Post
        We had the rule but she is now obviously not giving a crap. She now says she's not doing anything wrong and I can't stop her.

        Letters have already been sent asking for basically that and the best interest of he children and her lawyer told her I can't legally stop her.

        Sorry I'm on my phone with a crazy 4G signal.
        she is being a total ass. No respect for you or the kids.

        Comment


        • #19
          There is another way to look at this. This all could be a lie to see how far she can push you. EWven if it is not you still need to go home.

          You need to go home, you need to show to her and your children, that no matter what she does you will be there for your children.

          You need to go home and show your ex that nothing she does will make you feel uncomfortable that you are Emotional Teflon.

          Stand Tall, go home, don't drink anything. just simply go home. and pretend you never got the text message. Whn you get their you can decide to participate in the party and prove all the things she has been telling people about you are untrue or you can go into your room and read a book, I suggest tug of war, or divorce poision, or the turth about children of divorce.

          But you need to go home.

          Comment


          • #20
            Originally posted by involveddad75 View Post
            There is another way to look at this. This all could be a lie to see how far she can push you. EWven if it is not you still need to go home.

            You need to go home, you need to show to her and your children, that no matter what she does you will be there for your children.

            You need to go home and show your ex that nothing she does will make you feel uncomfortable that you are Emotional Teflon.

            Stand Tall, go home, don't drink anything. just simply go home. and pretend you never got the text message. Whn you get their you can decide to participate in the party and prove all the things she has been telling people about you are untrue or you can go into your room and read a book, I suggest tug of war, or divorce poision, or the turth about children of divorce.

            But you need to go home.
            Actually, from this perpective....

            That's the right answer.

            Go home. Be fun. No anger. Make a good show. Join the party.

            NO ANGER!!

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            • #21
              Its such a shame that we get dragged down to their levels when knowing something isn't right, and yet we feel that we have to take a stand against something that is wrong. I would stay away, and find somewhere else to go. Respect your children utmost, and if you feel that one day they need to know just how badly their "mommy" treated you, this will be a shining example of her behavior.

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              • #22
                And, FB_,

                I apologise to you on the behalf of all humanity.

                I think that is the most evil thing I have ever heard of on this website.

                It'll get better. Please believe me.

                Comment


                • #23
                  Originally posted by Porthopeman View Post
                  Respect your children utmost, and if you feel that one day they need to know just how badly their "mommy" treated you, this will be a shining example of her behavior.
                  Good grief, that's just as bad as what the FB's ex is trying to do. I have a gadzillion situations where I could play what "daddy" did... but I don't and never will play them. Are you serious?

                  FB -go home.. Looks like there are a bunch of us up tonight, who will be there to talk you through it.
                  Start a discussion, not a fire. Post with kindness.

                  Comment


                  • #24
                    My vote is grab a date and crash the party. If you and the date can't keep your hands off each other that's not awkward ...for you anyways.

                    Comment


                    • #25
                      Originally posted by involveddad75 View Post
                      Emotional Teflon.

                      This is my new Mantra.

                      Comment


                      • #26
                        I just want zero chance of conflict. its been documented debated and beaten to death. this is the type of person she is. My son told me last weekend that she doesnt like mommy anymore because in the words of a 7 year old "she makes us see her friends and not my friends" of course im not going to tell her that ill just get blamed for trying to sway him in his opinions.

                        i will be going home later but not now i dont see any good coming from either option. so im kinda in a pickle.

                        i just wish she could act mature but i know thats not going to happen.

                        thanks for all the comments.

                        Comment


                        • #27
                          It is evil.. Really evil.

                          The stbx is a total bitch and her bf is a loser. He should be taking notes - he picked a real beauty. There is no f*cking way that I would be dragged into that scenario. If it were me, I'd just rather not be there.

                          I'm still reeling at how anyone goes along with that! Unreal. I just worry if they are all in the same house, there's likely alcohol involved (dinner party)- I just see it potentially erupting. It's such a slap in the face.

                          FB, document this for your own records and just know it won't always be this way. Take a lot of comfort in the knowledge that your stbx is a true low-life, you are fortunate to be rid of her, and under no circumstances do you, nor should you stoop to that unconscionable level.

                          Comment


                          • #28
                            Just go home by yourself, be the mature person.

                            I agree with what was said earlier, act like she is a room mate.

                            Be Emtional Teflon, and record, "for your own note taking purposes."

                            I will not let my STBX upset me.
                            I will not let my STBX push me.
                            I will not let my STBX control me.
                            I will not let me STBX affect me.

                            Comment


                            • #29
                              Originally posted by FB_ View Post
                              I just want zero chance of conflict..
                              That is not a reasonable expectation.

                              Your best chance for minimizing conflict is to be Assertive, not Passive, not Aggressive. Assertive.

                              Google it, take a course, get some therapy and ask the therapist for assertiveness training, whatever you have to do. Avoiding conflict is not resolving conflict.

                              Comment


                              • #30
                                Originally posted by Mess View Post
                                That is not a reasonable expectation.

                                Your best chance for minimizing conflict is to be Assertive, not Passive, not Aggressive. Assertive.

                                Google it, take a course, get some therapy and ask the therapist for assertiveness training, whatever you have to do. Avoiding conflict is not resolving conflict.
                                im more thinking of a false dv charge as conlict not just an argument.

                                i do stand up for myself i just didnt feel like walking in on it.

                                Comment

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