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  • Slapped my son in the face

    Going to court on Dec 7th and my son tells me today that his mom slapped him in the face for refusing to eat 7 day old pancakes and then he laughed at her cuz she got crazy apparently.

    She has been yelling at both kids very regularly...

    After coming to my house punching me

    After throwing the knife at my son....

    Just trying to see how I should frame this all when I am in court for custody.

  • #2
    How very, very sad Links17. For your son and for your ex. Sounds like she needs help. She is after all the mother of your son and somebody you thought enough of at one point in time to have a child with...again my condolences that your ex is in such emotional distress that she is acting out against her/your son in this manner. I hope she gets help so she can be there as a mother for your son.

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    • #3
      Not good. This is CAS issue

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      • #4
        The judge won't give a sh*t to all these. They hear this kind of things and even worse day by day. A was a rapist, child abuser, wife beater, sadistic cat torturer. The CAS might start some kind of investigation, but the result is going to be not much if any in half a year.
        But if any of these true and there is the slightest proof, the police will act and that will suddenly solve all your problems.

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        • #5
          Hey Links. If I recall, after previous incidences, you opted to not report the incidences to the police.

          Hope you do whatever you have to do to keep yourself and kids safe. Perhaps take your son to doctor or counsellor? There may be more incidents that you are not aware of, necessitating immediate intervention.

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by Links17 View Post
            Going to court on Dec 7th and my son tells me today that his mom slapped him in the face for refusing to eat 7 day old pancakes and then he laughed at her cuz she got crazy apparently.

            She has been yelling at both kids very regularly...

            After coming to my house punching me

            After throwing the knife at my son....

            Just trying to see how I should frame this all when I am in court for custody.
            So are you more concerned about getting custody or the welfare of your children? If someone did that to my step children whether it was their mother or father I would be reporting to CAS. I would be focusing on getting the child the support they needed rather than worrying about how this could help me in court. Getting custody isn't going to solve your problem. How is this relevant to custody or did you mean access? Either way you clearly are not that concerned about the well-being of your child, you just care about how you can use this for court

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            • #7
              I have already called CAS before when my ex wife threw a knife at my son and they said if the kid isn't scared to go home just forget about it.

              When she came in to my house and hit me in front of r he kids, the police didn't care.

              I already have 39% custody. Dec hearing is a pre scheduled hearing to complete the transition to shared custody (i.e: 50/50.

              My kids know she is nuts, its just a fact of their life, just not sure what difference it makes.

              My son is psychologically fine with me, he isn't traumatized or anything but I don't want this to continue and I don't particularly want to get sole residency if it isn't necessary.

              If the abuse is enough to get psych. Help doesn't that imply she is hurting the kids and it would be better she doesn't have them, I honestly don't know?

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              • #8
                Any experiences to share?
                If I mention this will the judge say I am crazy or should I make a big deal about it?

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                • #9
                  I don't know, my son tells me his mom hit him - I go in front of a judge and I am too scared to say it... That's not me... I feel like i have to tell the judge with the "disclaimer" that this is what my son told me.

                  The judge in Quebec can ask to speak to kids in their chambers privately which is what i will suggest if the judge thinks the whole issue is pertinent to anything....

                  Ideally if the judge ordered my ex to anger management that would be solid....

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                  • #10
                    Originally posted by Links17 View Post
                    Any experiences to share?
                    If I mention this will the judge say I am crazy or should I make a big deal about it?
                    When your son told you this what actions did you take? Did you call CAS? Did you call the police? Did you talk to mom about her inappropriate behavior? Or did you do none of the above and just think how you can use this for court?

                    You didn't think of it as abuse or you would have called CAS or the police. Whether you think they would have done something or not, you still didn't report it. The judge is going to see right through you. You were not concerned enough to report it, so you must not really be concerned

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                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Links17 View Post
                      Any experiences to share?
                      If I mention this will the judge say I am crazy or should I make a big deal about it?
                      IMO, violent behavior (as per your ex wife) does not go away by itself - fact is it usually escalates as the aggressor feels smug seeing no consequences to their actions.

                      Report this to the police, they will probably ignore you again, but you will have a documented paper trail, a pattern of behavior that you can demonstrate to the judge.

                      Yes, I would make a big deal out of this. Don't wait until she does something serious. If your kids are used to this kind of crazy coming from their mother - it just proves that they have become victims and need help.

                      Tossing knives, punching and slapping should not be tolerated.
                      Last edited by Janibel; 11-19-2015, 10:05 AM. Reason: typo due to lack of caffeine

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        1. STATEMENT OF FACT: I AM NOT TRYING TO GET HELP IN COURT

                        I don't need to "leverage" this in court. I am at 39.9% custody with a pre-scheduled hearing to transition to shared on Dec 7t


                        What I am trying to figure out is:
                        1. Is bringing this up to a judge the proper way to deal with this matter?

                        @OD - Isn't getting slapped in the face serious by itself> - it is actually considered assault (even against your kids). You are legally allowed phsycially punishing your children but it must be trifling, out of the desire to correct behaviour and never in the head/face. Given the knife throwing and the attack against me even moreso?

                        @BF - refer to my statement of fact.
                        Talking to the mom is not happening she will deny and punish the kids for telling me, what world do you live in?

                        As for calling cops & cas, that will trigger serious consequences that I don't necessarily want to trigger and once I do that then the process becomes a bureacracy - those actions get you in front of a judge eventually.

                        A judge is more powerful and able to take more specific precision action (like order mom to see anger management) or the judge can order a psycho-social investigation themselves. I am not taking any action myself because this just happened last week and I am going to court in a week or so I will plop it in front of the judge give some suggestions and let the judge deal with it.

                        I didn't report it because its not going to change anything and cause LOTs of drama and in anycase any "solution" has to come from a judge.

                        The other key thing is I don't want the mom to every confront the kids about why they told me what happened.

                        @Janibel - Thanks, thats kind of my perspective. If i were a woman what you are saying is right on. Given that I am the man and she is the mom I wouldn't be surprised if everything is considered an "isolated incident"

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                        • #13
                          Links, I would *think* that a judge would also be looking to see that due process has been followed for any issues of violence. Reporting the slapping to police may actually result in police asking CAS to investigate. Bringing up the incidents without supporting record might just make you sound.

                          Think of the judges side, if you come forward with allegations that haven't been vetted through the police or CAS how likely are they to determine that your ex needs anger management assistance. We live in a beaurocracy. As noble as your intent of not going through the police and CAS channels is, the judge may not agree with your intentions.

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                          • #14
                            Failing to report child abuse for fear of reaction of the other side does not bode well for the accuser.

                            Agree with nfc4ever. Unfortunate but I really think you have an obligation to report the matter and let the "chips fall where they may." In doing this you show your children that violence, in any manner, is unacceptable. Of course your ex is going to have a fit but (how do you say it?) c'est la vie?

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                            • #15
                              I don't see what I am doing as not reporting it,.... I am just not reporting it right away because there is no imminent danger.

                              I am reporting it to a judge at a custody hearing becuase the judge has the power to conduct a Swift investigation and also because the judge can order my ex not to discuss this with the kids. She can also give me the right to get counselling for the kids

                              Comment

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