Parent Coordinator - By Force?

[Gilligan]

I am being threatened with yet more litigation, even when our last motion hasn't been completed. I have a very High Conflict Ex who likes to litigate and the most recent threat of litigation is to appoint a Parent Coordinator. We have joint custody with a parallel parenting model.

After refusing counselling she has requested this after 6 years of refusal to get joint counselling or a Parent Coordinator. Things are tense because of the most recent litigation, and now she wants to force things by getting a Parent Coordinator.

My question comes down to: can I be forced to spend thousands of dollars on a Parenting Coordinator un-voluntarily? I understand their purpose, but it seems like a huge expense, which I don't really see value in. My ex refuses to follow a court order, and getting a Parent Coordinator isn't going to make her comply any more than a court order does. My view is that I am wasting good money after bad. My ex doesn't want to split the costs 50/50, and expects me to pay about 70%.

Any thoughts or experience from people who have gone through it?

Thanks

[BitHunter]

I don't think there is a clear-cut answer, even if somebody had been in a very similar situation the details can be completely different.
I don't have a constructive advice, but I would be very interested in how you ended up with joint custody/parallel parenting and 50/50 in a high conflict situation. Is it based on an agreement or the court ordered it?

[Tayken]

I am being threatened with yet more litigation, even when our last motion hasn't been completed. I have a very High Conflict Ex who likes to litigate and the most recent threat of litigation is to appoint a Parent Coordinator. We have joint custody with a parallel parenting model.

Firstly, litigation is not a threat. Litigation is something allowable and is not "abusive". The conduct of all parties to a matter is determined at the point for which costs are determined. If the other party is conducting themselves in "bad faith" then a court will make that finding.

We have courts for a reason, to resolve disputes between two parties who are unable to come to an agreement. If someone advises another party that they will seek remedy through the public courts is not a "threat" it is someone notifying another party that they will seek the assistance of the court.

After refusing counselling she has requested this after 6 years of refusal to get joint counselling or a Parent Coordinator. Things are tense because of the most recent litigation, and now she wants to force things by getting a Parent Coordinator.

Generally, parental coordinators are useless. They rarely are contracted to have any power in a matter. They attempt to mediate a resolution and specifically to very narrow and "current issues". They are not granted power to make long-term decisions on custody and access that would have a substantial issues.

Read up on parental coordination... It is really mostly useless in my personal opinion.

Your better option possibly is to bring the matter to arbitration.

My question comes down to: can I be forced to spend thousands of dollars on a Parenting Coordinator un-voluntarily?

Yes. But, it is easy to make a case that a parental coordinator would not be appropriate in most matters. Most PC's do not like working with clients who have been "ordered" to use their services.

In addition, if you are willing to poop rainbows and barf glitter (copyright - NBDad) then parental coordination may not be all that bad. Your request would be that the PC's contract be an open contract (not closed mediation) and that all notes (handwritten, etc...), emails and correspondence be open to the public record. That way if you need to leverage the PC as a witness they can be called to testify to the "reasonableness" of the parties.

Again, this would require you to be willing to be reasonable to the point of pooping rainbows and barfing glitter (copyright NBDad). If you cannot be reasonable, then PC will be a NIGHTMARE for you and possibly could come back to haunt you.

I understand their purpose, but it seems like a huge expense, which I don't really see value in. My ex refuses to follow a court order, and getting a Parent Coordinator isn't going to make her comply any more than a court order does.

100% correct. PC's can't enforce anything... They have incredibly limited powers and those are *if* both parties agree to allow them to arbitrate minor disputes. Often, this is not even granted to a PC.

Generally, there is a "truism" to the party that recommends a PC and then advises that they will seek an order as such... They need a witness... People often seek out PC's, then setup an open contract, and then leverage the evidence they obtain from the notes to demonstrate the other party as having an inability to communicate. PC is nothing more than a point to collect evidence about the other party and not to resolve problems.

My view is that I am wasting good money after bad. My ex doesn't want to split the costs 50/50, and expects me to pay about 70%.

Good luck with obtaining that. The court may order an initial payment plan to get the process started but, both parties will be allowed to seek their costs based on the outcome.

Your better are probably better off with counter offering (Rule 18) the matter be brought to arbitration. Reason being... Arbitrators can make an order that can be enforced. They rely upon OBJECTIVE evidence usually and not emotional reasoning that PC's, Section 30 and the OCL are easily influenced with.

Good Luck!
Tayken

[Gilligan]

With regards to the 50/50 joint custody, we consented to this agreement based on a recommendation from the OCL. I think it was a big mistake, but my lawyer pushed to settle. I had sole decision making for over a year, and the judge basically said at the pre-trail conference that it was likely to be sole custody and the mother wasn't looking too good. We are under a "Parallel Parenting" model, where the mother gets health care, however in her mind, everything is a healthcare decision.

[Gilligan]

Taken,

Thanks for the advice. I have sought the assistance of a PC for the last 6 years, however my ex refused. She's recently brought me to court and now that I am not giving in on every issue, she wants to force a PC. Our current court order clearly states that a PC's decision is non-binding, to it make very sense at this point.

I find it a pain, and think that if somebody keeps bringing things to court for useless things, and now is pushing a PC, it would be a better case to ask for sole custody to avoid on-going litigation. Just a thought.

[standing on the sidelines]

Taken,

Thanks for the advice. I have sought the assistance of a PC for the last 6 years, however my ex refused. She's recently brought me to court and now that I am not giving in on every issue, she wants to force a PC. Our current court order clearly states that a PC's decision is non-binding, to it make very sense at this point.

I find it a pain, and think that if somebody keeps bringing things to court for useless things, and now is pushing a PC, it would be a better case to ask for sole custody to avoid on-going litigation. Just a thought.

Okay I am confused. You have wanted a PC for 6 years and now she wants one and you feel like you are being forced into it??

[Gilligan]

I am feeling a little broke after spending over $3K since she took me to court recently. Still awaiting judgement, and potentially a lot more costs depending on what the outcome is. So, yes... I've been asking for a PC for a while to avoid the litigation which she obviously didn't want to resolve, just litigate. Now I am pretty upset with all of the litigation and don't want much to do with that person more than I have to. Perhaps I am feeling bitter.

[Tayken]

Some case law for the OP to consider:

Bottoni v. Bottoni, 2012 ONSC 4812 (CanLII)
Date: 2012-08-23
Docket: FS-07-14889
URL: CanLII - 2012 ONSC 4812 (CanLII)
Citation: Bottoni v. Bottoni, 2012 ONSC 4812 (CanLII)

[Gilligan]

Thanks Tayken, Perhaps I will just agree to the PC and try to insist on binding arbitration. It seems like a lot of cost and I am really not sold on it. I would like to seek alternatives, such as counselling that is stipulated in our court order, however EX refuses despite it being a reasonable first approach.

[ScaredandConfused]

I would suggest that you proceed with caution, as you would be empowering someone with a lot of authority of your children. I have just spent thousands of dollars removing an appointed P.C. (although every decision was made in my favour) the P.C. refused to arbitrate, making the issues worse. A court can not force you into P.C unless you consent.

I would also proceed with caution if you decide to move forward with a P.C. in having the session "Open", what if the P.C. sides with your ex - you would then have another party working against you. You need to be very diligent in your research; who is the P.C. regulated by, what is their complaints process for P.C., what is the mediation and Arbitration process, what recourse is available. What is the scope of their mandate as P.C. the last thing you want is a P.C. who will begin to take sides - You need a completely neutral party, who's focus is on the children's best interest. Google the proposed P.C.'s, unfortunately I found very negative feedback on the previously appointed P.C. after the fact, and sure enough I began to encounter the very same issues.

That being said, my ex just tried to sneak in the P.C. as a witness but I had it quashed because the contract was closed... It would have been too much time, effort and risk in having to filter through the P.C. drama... I'm surprised that the courts have embraced P.C's with such little regulation. Anyone with a Social worker diploma, counseling etc... can start their own P.C. practise (very surprised).

I hope this helps, I also agree with other posts that the P.C. won't change your ex's behaviour, P.C. is more reactive not proactive.

[Tayken]

I'm surprised that the courts have embraced P.C's with such little regulation. Anyone with a Social worker diploma, counseling etc... can start their own P.C. practise (very surprised).

I hope this helps, I also agree with other posts that the P.C. won't change your ex's behaviour, P.C. is more reactive not proactive.

You are not the only one. In fact, you don't need a degreen in "social work" to bill yourself out as a parental coordinator. At most, you could do it with a few hours of what is required to get your certified mediators registration. It doesn't take much to become a "mediator"... Not much at all...

I find that P.Cs are as I stated previously... Usually useless... Binding arbitration is a much better and faster way to resolve the matter. Furthermore at least an Arbitrator is bound by the FLR, FLA, and CLRA when issuing an order.

Good Luck!
Tayken