Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Violin vs. Baseball

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • Violin vs. Baseball

    Looking for feedback.


    Parent A has violin lessons scheduled Saturday morning. They cannot be moved, but happen regularly every second weekend. Missing the lesson would mean a month between lessons. Also means about $30 in thrown away lesson fees.


    Parent B signed kid up for baseball. Generally, baseball occurs during parenting time of Parent B, but team photos are during parent A's time, during the violin lesson. Missing the photos would mean that kid misses out on a photo opportunity with the team. Also means about $20 in thrown away photo fees.


    Parent A obviously doesn't have an obligation to bring the kid to baseball, but should parent A bring the kid to the baseball? Parent A values violin highly, and does not value baseball at all. Parent B values baseball highly, and does not value violin at all. Kid values both about equally.


    I've tried to write this in a neutral fashion, so that I don't give away which parent is me. I want to know what others would do. There is another aspect to this which I will reveal in a bit if I get enough of a response.

  • #2
    Its a photo. Kids miss them all the time.

    Plus, one parent is not obligated to bring kid to an activity on their time.

    It doesnt matter how the other parent feels about an activity. Their time their decision.

    Parents who fight over this petty bs are ridiculous. Give your head a shake. If it was a recital or a championship game maybe but its a photo.

    Comment


    • #3
      How old is the child? Let the child decide what the priority is for themselves, picture or violin lesson, then make it happen.

      Comment


      • #4
        if its a one time thing with the picture then why not? There may be a time when something for the violin is on the other parents time and may interfere with baseball. If parent A doesnt want to let the kid go to the photo then parent A should never expect parent B to cancel on a practice or game for a violin thing.

        What times are the two things? Is there anyway that the kid can do both? It may mean some running around but if its workable why not?

        Comment


        • #5
          I'm pretty sure the violin lesson can be rescheduled and/or assignment (scales) be made. Kids get sick all the time and miss lessons and often there is opportunity to trade days with someone. I'd check with instructor.

          Organizing a group for photos can be like herding elephants. Possibly a professional has been hired for the day so time is limited?

          Photos and violin lessons shouldn't take more than an hour for either.

          Parent A and B should check with their respective people and see if there is any flexibility.

          Comment


          • #6
            This is going to happen from time to time whether divorced or not. Simetumes activities are going to overlap because of a special event or because there is a ciuplw of week overlap between dofferent seasons of activities. When this happens to my kids we either 1. Choose ghe more soecial or rare opportunity. Ex. A music re ital trumps a regular weekely activity. I would trump the sports photo over the regular eeekly lesson. Or if it 2 soe ial wvents or 2 routine events then i make the child decide, explainjng they will have to miss one or the other. Their activities, their decision.

            Comment


            • #7
              The biggest problem in some of the responses it’s it’s turning into what the parents want. This is clearly a one time thing, should the child have some say regardless of what the parents want.

              Comment


              • #8
                If I was parent A, I would probably look at this, as the photos being a one-time thing, and try to accommodate that, so that child is not left out of team photo.



                It seems like some kind of arrangement could be made, to reschedule the one violin lesson, or if absolutely necessary, to just miss out on it entirely. The kid can always do some extra practice on their own for violin.


                Often, team sport things, such as the photo days, etc, are pretty rigid, so it's probably easier to accommodate this for child, from the violin side moving around, or missing.

                Comment


                • #9
                  I agree with most the others here. The sports photo is likely the more difficult matter to reschedule and not being in the photo would have the more lasting impact. That said, both matters are minor in the grand scheme of things.


                  Should the violin parent refuse to accommodate here, I can see baseball parent being uncooperative in the future when the violin parent would like them to be accommodating for one of their activities.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by HammerDad View Post
                    I agree with most the others here. The sports photo is likely the more difficult matter to reschedule and not being in the photo would have the more lasting impact. That said, both matters are minor in the grand scheme of things.


                    Should the violin parent refuse to accommodate here, I can see baseball parent being uncooperative in the future when the violin parent would like them to be accommodating for one of their activities.
                    Recitals are where Parent B is going to return the favor possibly.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      That is enough of a response for further details


                      I am parent A. In the last six years, parent B has never consented to a single change ever. My brother is getting married this summer, and unfortunately it occurs 12 hours before I get them for a week. She has refused to even change that (I offered entire weekends as compensation).


                      In a different incident, another brother lives in Australia, and when he came to visit the timing was unfortunate and they were with her. She would not even let me have them for 3 hours. I found out later they were placed with a babysitter during this time.


                      Last summer, I signed up a child for a week-long overnight camp. The only week available edged somewhat into her time. (It was almost impossible to get a full week on my time due to the summer schedule we have). I offered any switch her heart desired. She rejected it, willing to force my child to miss the first day (when most friendships are made). I found out later that the activities for that day involved eating at A&W with the grandparents they see on a weekly basis.

                      The kids have missed birthdays, family time, camping trips, and numerous unique opportunities over the years. The above three examples are just tastes of a woman who has the flexibility of industrial steel.


                      Will there be recital blowback? Yes and no... she would never even remotely consider offering a switch for something like that. It is not even a hypothetical situation, they have indeed missed recitals. I have learned to just accept it. So, perhaps now she'll have an excuse not to change dates for the recitals, but it won't actually affect her behavior.


                      So, the annoyed parent in me wants to let her know what it is like to deal with a parent who won't make a reasonable switch. Perhaps maybe she'll understand the need for flexibility. However, I'm loathe to punish my kids for something that is beyond their purview.

                      I'm also worried that if I roll over here, I'm possibly setting up a precedent, where I will let her schedule activities during my time, but she can continue to reject accommodations that happen during my time.

                      I'm probably going to roll over, because I love my kids more than I hate my ex, but it leaves a bitter taste in my mouth.

                      Child is fairly young, and I don't want to put him in the middle of a fight. This is my decision to make, not one I can delegate.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Could you reschedule the lesson but not tell her and take the kid for the photo and leave?

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Depending on the age of the child they may not know how to make an appropriate decision in this case.

                          If the child chose lessons over the picture, it's an opportunity to teach about being part of a 'team' too. The picture will add value to everyone, all the players, coaches, etc., if no one showed up there would be no picture, and so on.

                          My opinion is to do the pictures as that is a once a year thing and the lessons happen about 26 times per year.

                          Comment

                          Our Divorce Forums
                          Forums dedicated to helping people all across Canada get through the separation and divorce process, with discussions about legal issues, parenting issues, financial issues and more.
                          Working...
                          X