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Parenting Issues This forum is for discussing any of the parenting issues involved in your divorce, including parenting of step-children.

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  #1  
Old 02-07-2020, 12:38 PM
HardWorkingDad HardWorkingDad is offline
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Default Long weekends

My ex and I are close but have yet to sign our SA. Its tentative. One of its clauses states that for long weekends that whoever has the children that weekend, gets to have the extra day of parenting time with the kids on the holiday Monday.
My ex has reached out asking me if she can pick up the kids early on Family day and for me to forgo completely Easter Monday so that she can have this time with the kids.
My gut reaction is NO!
I had reached out awhile back asking for more time with our kids. I said there was no reason why an extra 2 overnights would be bad for them. She refused and challenged me to bring her to court, knowing the time and cost it would take.
That's why my gut is saying no to giving her the requested times. As far as I see it, she will have them next year with the kids when it falls on her weekends and so on and so on.

I'm really trying to see if about being the bigger person and if it's worth it. Yes, I'm angry that my kids are withheld from me for $$ for awhile. I see it as I'm fighting her for time with my kids and any extra parenting time they can have with me is in their benefit.

I'm ok with alternating these weekends every year. My ex wants what's different than in our tentative agreement. Another thing, would this bot set up a precedent as this is our first year doing so?
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  #2  
Old 02-07-2020, 01:12 PM
rockscan rockscan is offline
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Then say no. But do it in a nice way as in “I think we should stick to the agreement” or even “I have plans those days and can’t change them”.

Letting her do this now will cause problems.
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  #3  
Old 02-07-2020, 10:41 PM
LovingDad1234 LovingDad1234 is offline
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Your situation seems to be exactly like mine! Awaiting to reach 50/50, and in the meantime co-parenting is hell, and needlessly acrimonious. Mom of the kids playing hardball or being unreasonable, purposely limiting time with kids, proving any opportunity for extra time, or asking favours but won’t return a similar favour when asked later on. Keep a diary or table of her purposely being a sore in being a reasonable co-parent who goes out of her way to limit your parenting, which is aimed at hurting you. Her goal of keeping you out of kids life blinds her on the reality that she is in fact actually hurting the kids. Judges love it when parents negatively impact kids lives due to their focus on hurting the other parent. There is a reason why the saying “Love your kids more than you hate your ex” exists.
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Old 02-07-2020, 11:23 PM
HardWorkingDad HardWorkingDad is offline
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I'm not sure if it's to cut me out or just plain ignorance on her part.
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Old 02-08-2020, 02:00 PM
LovingDad1234 LovingDad1234 is offline
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I dont think mine is necessarily on purpose either, just she can be really, really oblivious.

She will ask for favours such as me returning the kids early on my time so that they can be present for a family birthday dinner, stating that its good for the kids to be present at family functions. So I oblige. Then 3 months later I ask if I can bring the kids home 2 hours later to accommodate for a family birthday dinner and she will say no. There is simply no logic to her. I feel that now that she knows there won't be a trial (as we settled) she can act terribly.
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Old 02-12-2020, 05:10 PM
Abba435 Abba435 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LovingDad1234 View Post
I dont think mine is necessarily on purpose either, just she can be really, really oblivious.

She will ask for favours such as me returning the kids early on my time so that they can be present for a family birthday dinner, stating that its good for the kids to be present at family functions. So I oblige. Then 3 months later I ask if I can bring the kids home 2 hours later to accommodate for a family birthday dinner and she will say no. There is simply no logic to her. I feel that now that she knows there won't be a trial (as we settled) she can act terribly.
Write the residency schedule and Holiday and Special Occasions schedules as appendices to any agreement.
Make them detailed and specific.
I insisted on rotating special occasions every year and it has been the best for all. No mid day handoffs on Christmas for me!
Long weekends fall as they fall within the regular residency (except Easter). Same goes for PD days, Family Day etc.
Make sure you detail who is doing the dropoff and pickup.
And when Special Occasions conflict with regular schedule how is that handled. Be VERY specific or expect conflict.
If you can get along and make minor changes that is great. But if not a very specific schedule is a miracle.
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Old 02-17-2020, 07:41 PM
UnderPressure UnderPressure is offline
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This is excellent detail thank you.

How do you handle it when special occasions/holidays conflict with regular schedule? How do you divide up December 24-Jan 2nd? Curious what others have done here and how it works.


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Old 02-17-2020, 09:56 PM
Abba435 Abba435 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by UnderPressure View Post
This is excellent detail thank you.

How do you handle it when special occasions/holidays conflict with regular schedule? How do you divide up December 24-Jan 2nd? Curious what others have done here and how it works.


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For Christmas is it simple.
One year I have Dec 24 at 4 pm to Dec 31 at 4 pm. Then she gest Dec 31 at 4 pm to Jan 7 at 4 pm.
If there is conflict we have a clause (that I drafted) where one parent may end up with two weeks followed by the other having 2 weeks until things normalize.
Be careful with march Break and Easter.
We also have a clause for birthdays so that rotates.
Mothers Day and Fathers Day weekends too.
A few bumps but no nightmares like I hear when both parents want to have every holiday shared.
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Old 02-18-2020, 12:04 AM
UnderPressure UnderPressure is offline
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What do you mean by “if there is a conflict”?

By being careful about march break and Easter do you mean to include those in the rotation?

Thank you very much for sharing your experience. How has the Christmas-New Years schedule worked out for the kids? Do you guys include in the agreement FaceTime and phone calls as well? Especially during holidays or all the time?
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  #10  
Old 02-18-2020, 07:37 AM
Abba435 Abba435 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by UnderPressure View Post
What do you mean by “if there is a conflict”?

By being careful about march break and Easter do you mean to include those in the rotation?

Thank you very much for sharing your experience. How has the Christmas-New Years schedule worked out for the kids? Do you guys include in the agreement FaceTime and phone calls as well? Especially during holidays or all the time?
The special occasions and holiday schedule has been a godsend. PM me and I will share it. Or I may sanitize it.
Yes, the communication terms apply always so parents and kids can communicate.
By conflict I mean when the regular schedule is interrupted. For example Thanksgiving could be yours one year but falls on their weekend. So you just double up weekends until you get back on track. Otherwise scheduling is a true nightmare.
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