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Common Law Issues The law regarding common law relationships is different than in cases of divorce. Discuss the issues that affect unmarried couples here.

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  #21  
Old 03-22-2011, 02:01 PM
MAC-JMJ MAC-JMJ is offline
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Here is the 'to do list' that the mediator wrote word for word. 1) Get legal advice re: likelihood of 50/50 parenting schedule in face of rejection by mom who has been primary parent + no set schedule for contact with children Oct 09 - Nov 10 + presently working towards alternate week ends + perhaps Wednesday evenings.

2) Ex will advise of choice of realtor (with same rate) + list home by April 6th, 2011.

I moved back home from Sept 10- Oct 24 10, so just because I leave so my kids do not have to hear us fight but continue to make financial obligations for my family and because we couldn't afford to sell the home (IRD was too high) and now her stall tactics, even though they are my kids as well, the thought on me wanting to have a life with them and raise them and see them more then 2 week ends a month is laughable????
  #22  
Old 03-22-2011, 02:03 PM
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Originally Posted by MAC-JMJ View Post
I just don't know what to do here
Act like someone is trying to steal your kids from you - that will give you all the energy you need.

But you have to be smart about it, you need to be as non confrontational as possible.

Even stating 50/50 is your only position may work against you because she may then play dirty to stop that - so you have to judge on how to proceed based on what is going on. This is your main goal, do it fast, and assert your time with your kids - you already made a mistake by letting her do more than 50% after you separated - you've got to avoid any more mistakes.

Last edited by billm; 03-22-2011 at 02:07 PM.
  #23  
Old 03-22-2011, 02:30 PM
MAC-JMJ MAC-JMJ is offline
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Act like someone is trying to steal your kids from you - that will give you all the energy you need.

But you have to be smart about it, you need to be as non confrontational as possible.

Even stating 50/50 is your only position may work against you because she may then play dirty to stop that - so you have to judge on how to proceed based on what is going on. This is your main goal, do it fast, and assert your time with your kids - you already made a mistake by letting her do more than 50% after you separated - you've got to avoid any more mistakes.

I hear you but man, she is doing the 50% + with the kids as I am financially. I know the courts don't care but how can I when even now I would only get like what 10% at week ends etc. That wouldn't change right. I am thinking about getting a lawyer (big swallow as no disposable cash) but I have heard there are many who love to prolong this sort of thing etc. What do you suggest as in no more future mistakes that I could make?

Thanks again
  #24  
Old 05-02-2011, 02:38 PM
MAC-JMJ MAC-JMJ is offline
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Hi all, so I wanted to give you an update on what has been happening and again look for some advice on my next steps. Well, I have seen two lawyers for free consultations and I have come to the conclusion that I will be unsuccessful in getting shared custody because of the fact that I did indeed leave my home 17 months ago. She also has been receiving legal advice and is currently just squeezing the life out of me. I am tired of this fighting and just want this to all end. I am looking for ways to make this easier for me so your thoughts will be appreciated. She has now e-mailed me saying that she has returned to work as of today and also sent me an e-mail asking for me to pay another $130 weekly for daycare for my kids. I pay the full mortgage + taxes for where she and my kids pay + we split our other debts (outside of utilities, she pays those) 50/50. Before this daycare e-mail, I am down to 17% of my paycheques before gas, dry cleaning, insurance etc. I am getting close to the verge of banko (which I do not want to do) but was wondering if I switch the mortgage pre authorized payment account back to one of our old joint accounts and just pay her the full monthly CS as outlined on CCRA + daycare and tell her that she is now responsible for the full mortgage payment, could this come back to bite me? There is no way either of us can afford court + the retainers they are looking for but I cannot pay for this + daycare and I have to draw the line somewhere. I know I am legally responsible for the debt but in hierachy from what I have been told paying CS comes first. I just do not have any other thoughts as I have been advised that it would take up to 6 months to file a motion, and even then because of the length of time they would fight the urgency Man, never thought trying to do the rigth thing for my kids would turn so wrong but it did. I am hoping this wouldn't give her a case to take away my ownership of the home as well but I do not know what else to do right now. Thoughts are very much welcomed.
  #25  
Old 05-02-2011, 03:14 PM
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So let me get this right, you are paying:

1. child support;
2. 100% the mortgage; and
3. 50% of the joint family debt.

Now she wants part of daycare.

It appears 1 of those three items has to change and the simple one to go is the house. You cannot afford to maintain two homes. You have to get on her to either cause the sale of the house or buy you out. If she cannot buy you out, the house has to go up for sale. You may have to take her to court to force the sale if she is unwilling to do so herself and you see the need to protect your credit rating by carrying it.

But you have to do something.

I also hope you are getting regular parenting time by now.
  #26  
Old 05-02-2011, 03:22 PM
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Originally Posted by HammerDad View Post
So let me get this right, you are paying:

1. child support;
2. 100% the mortgage; and
3. 50% of the joint family debt.

Now she wants part of daycare.

It appears 1 of those three items has to change and the simple one to go is the house. You cannot afford to maintain two homes. You have to get on her to either cause the sale of the house or buy you out. If she cannot buy you out, the house has to go up for sale. You may have to take her to court to force the sale if she is unwilling to do so herself and you see the need to protect your credit rating by carrying it.

But you have to do something.

I also hope you are getting regular parenting time by now.

Hammerdad, you never let me down

So to sum everything up right now I am doing #2 & #3. I cannot afford the CS because of #2 which is why I am wondering if I would be better off doing #1 & #3 because it would be cheaper for me. My credit up until now is top notch but feel if I am still months away from anything why not give her full CS and let her make the mortgage payments

I get the old every other week end right now and she makes sure to keep my access very limited. Lawyers pretty much told me I am SOL unless I plan on a very expensive court journey. I e-mailed her saying that I would no longer go after the kids for shared custody as long as she agreed to a much more friendly visitation schedule. I have not heard back as of yet. I think this is my last attempt to try and force the sale of the home. I need to live as well.

Thanks again
  #27  
Old 05-02-2011, 05:22 PM
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If she has returned to work, and this is why she needs the daycare money from you, then she can pay for her own damned housing expenses. Pay her CS by the tables, and half your debts. And get those debts finalized and separated ASAP. The main problem with making her responsible for the entire mortgage is that if she doesn't pay, you're still on the hook to the bank, and it affects your credit rating. So really, get yourself off that mortgage/deed as soon as you can.

Apparently you are screwed for 50-50 access, which sucks, but if it's because of status quo, is there any way to ease back into it? Start with the weekend and one night a week, then see if you can slowly expand it, with the goal being 50-50 in a few years? Make sure your weekend goes from picking them up Friday after school/daycare to dropping them off Monday morning back at school/daycare. This also has the side benefit of not making you have to interact with her. And ask for the midweek visit often mentioned in conjunction with EoW access, as nearly two weeks is too long for children to go without seeing a parent. Then you can make that an overnight with school/daycare pickup and dropoff as well. What work hours do you have? Do you have a weekday off where you can look after the children instead of them having to be at daycare? Can you arrange to be the parent who looks after them on PA days? Make sure you have a Right of First Refusal clause so that you can care for them on nights where she might want a babysitter. Sneak some more access in that way, and slowly build the status quo towards 50-50.
  #28  
Old 05-03-2011, 11:20 AM
MAC-JMJ MAC-JMJ is offline
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Originally Posted by Rioe View Post
If she has returned to work, and this is why she needs the daycare money from you, then she can pay for her own damned housing expenses. Pay her CS by the tables, and half your debts. And get those debts finalized and separated ASAP. The main problem with making her responsible for the entire mortgage is that if she doesn't pay, you're still on the hook to the bank, and it affects your credit rating. So really, get yourself off that mortgage/deed as soon as you can.

Apparently you are screwed for 50-50 access, which sucks, but if it's because of status quo, is there any way to ease back into it? Start with the weekend and one night a week, then see if you can slowly expand it, with the goal being 50-50 in a few years? Make sure your weekend goes from picking them up Friday after school/daycare to dropping them off Monday morning back at school/daycare. This also has the side benefit of not making you have to interact with her. And ask for the midweek visit often mentioned in conjunction with EoW access, as nearly two weeks is too long for children to go without seeing a parent. Then you can make that an overnight with school/daycare pickup and dropoff as well. What work hours do you have? Do you have a weekday off where you can look after the children instead of them having to be at daycare? Can you arrange to be the parent who looks after them on PA days? Make sure you have a Right of First Refusal clause so that you can care for them on nights where she might want a babysitter. Sneak some more access in that way, and slowly build the status quo towards 50-50.
Thanks Rioe,

At this point now I really do not have any further choice so I need to take some chances in order to get things finalized here. 17 months later and I still pay the full mortgage where she and my kids are. I know she has a lawyer but there is no way that she would not have to pay the same immensely high retainers that I would have had too, so I need to take some chances here. I just wasn't sure if I tell her that she now pays for the entire mortgage if she could somehow take me off title? My hope is it makes her list the property sooner and take a chance on my credit rating. Since it would affect both of our ratings and she would need a clean one to either rent or purchase again this is why I think she will still pay.

Do I need to give much notice on this?

Plus she hasn't shown my any daycare contracts or told me who the person is? For all I know it could be a neighbour doing it for free?
  #29  
Old 05-03-2011, 01:43 PM
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Originally Posted by MAC-JMJ View Post
Plus she hasn't shown my any daycare contracts or told me who the person is? For all I know it could be a neighbour doing it for free?
No invoices, no payment. And when you are provided with an invoice, you arrange for payment to be made directly to the provider. That goes for all things of this nature.
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Old 05-03-2011, 02:05 PM
MAC-JMJ MAC-JMJ is offline
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No invoices, no payment. And when you are provided with an invoice, you arrange for payment to be made directly to the provider. That goes for all things of this nature.
Thanks Hammer, thoughts on the rest?
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