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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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  #21  
Old 09-23-2019, 01:15 PM
Kinso Kinso is offline
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The estate of the deceased becomes the party and the matter can continue on motion - Rules of Civil Procedure 9.03(3) and 9.03(6)

If the step mother wishes to make a claim, she could bring a motion to be added as a party.

It should also be noted the matter was automatically stayed when the father died, pursuant to RCP 9.03(6). Which is another reason why OP needs a lawyer and canít just bring an emergency motion...

Where the Family Law Rules do not adequately cover an issue, you refer to the Rules of Civil Procedure (FLR 1(7))
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  #22  
Old 09-23-2019, 06:18 PM
iona6656 iona6656 is offline
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this is a horrible situation. I'm so sorry for your girls. Do you know if they are receiving any counselling? Have you been able to see them since?

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Originally Posted by pinkmorganite View Post
I do know of someone who had his daughter every other weekend, and 2 days a week.
The Mother had Custody, got cancer (never told the father) Mother and Daughter were living with her Parents--Child's Grandparents. Grandparents in their 70's.
Mother died.
Father filed for Custody, Grandparents fought him. Grandparents Won Custody. (They Succeeded in painting the Father our Awful!!)
I think Father's Access he had remained the Same. He now has to pay Child Support to the Grandparents.
He Spent $70,000 in his own legal fees for that, and the Grandparents were going after him for their Court Fees.
As much as I wouldn't like to see this- this feels a lot like my situation. The first thing I did when I separated was to change my will. Prior to separation- my ex and I had major arguments about who would be the guardian of our daughter if we were both deceased. He wanted his sister, and I wanted my own. Since separation, I have lived with my parents- and even prior to separation- my mom lived with us during the week to care for my daughter when I was at work. My mother, sister and I just had this conversation this weekend- and they both agreed that if something were to happen to me, my mother would move in with my sister and they would apply to be the legal guardian of my daughter. I've changed my life insurance policy to ensure that my sister and my mom would have enough to cover the legal fees it would require.
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  #23  
Old 09-23-2019, 06:31 PM
pinkmorganite pinkmorganite is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by iona6656 View Post
this is a horrible situation. I'm so sorry for your girls. Do you know if they are receiving any counselling? Have you been able to see them since?


As much as I wouldn't like to see this- this feels a lot like my situation. The first thing I did when I separated was to change my will. Prior to separation- my ex and I had major arguments about who would be the guardian of our daughter if we were both deceased. He wanted his sister, and I wanted my own. Since separation, I have lived with my parents- and even prior to separation- my mom lived with us during the week to care for my daughter when I was at work. My mother, sister and I just had this conversation this weekend- and they both agreed that if something were to happen to me, my mother would move in with my sister and they would apply to be the legal guardian of my daughter. I've changed my life insurance policy to ensure that my sister and my mom would have enough to cover the legal fees it would require.

It's not my situation.....Just a Family that I know it happened to.
So I don't know the personal details regarding counseling.
Very Sad, Scary Situation for anyone though.

I feel for the Mother who started this thread/situation she is in!
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  #24  
Old 09-24-2019, 11:47 AM
Mummaa222 Mummaa222 is offline
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I heard back from duty counsel from the Family Law Information Centre and she advised me to file a motion right away for temporary custody of my children. However I do not want to just rip my girls out of there and hurt them even more than they are already hurting. They just lost their daddy and I wholeheartedly believe that they were already in a great deal of emotional turmoil from the alienation that has been going on for so long. I'd love nothing more than to stick it to the evil step-mother but doing that harms my children and how to do this without hurting them is what I've been struggling with the most ever since I got the call that he passed.

Now I have to decide what to ask for in the motion. Is my having sole custody but them living with her whilre counselling to ease the transition to full time with me a possibility that I could ask for? Or is that even a good idea? Their father and step mother claimed to never speak to them about court proceedings yet as an excuse as to why the girls are resistant to seeing me is because they fear I'll get custody and they'll have to come live with me so I was asked to consent to no change of custody to "help them relax and trust" me. I had consented to no immediate change of custody but I wasn't ever going to consent to none ever. I don't think that matters now anyways because the situation has changed drastically.

Can I ask for an order for psychological assessments of the giels and of the stepmother as well? Can I request that his estate pay for that? There's a psychologist close to our area that specializes in parental alienation and I want him. My ex's lawyer is actually the lawyer in the case where I read about this psychologist but in that case she was on the side of the parent being alienated. The judge in the case is the judge who gave my ex sole custody and that same judge seems to have seen that that was a mistake. Can I use that case with both the judge and his lawyer in my case or is there a conflict rule or something?

Is there a good place online to go for answers to a lot of my questions regarding procedures and what I can and can't do? Everything I've found is of no help to me and I spend more time searching for answers than I do doing the work that needs to be done. I have a 4 year old at home and I feel like I'm taking my time away from her to do this...I feel so guilty!

I have not seen or heard from my girls or anyone else from his family. My mother has called there 3 times and there has been no answer and nobody has returned her calls.

I voluntarily agreed to the children's lawyer's little experiment of 2 hours every second week and no phone access while waiting for the Family Preservation Program to become involved. This was supposed to last 6 months and my access was supposed to increase once they began the program. It took 2 months for the referral to even be made and another 4 months for them to call my cell phone which I explained to the several times only receives texts. They never once called my landline. They then closed the file. I had to reapply for the program and wait once again. When I finally got the call I went in for the intake appointment and found out I don't qualify and never would have because I don't have custody! This all began October 25, 2017!! The children's lawyer and cas workers essentially caused this complete breakdown in our relationship!

I need all the help and advice I can get please!

(And i have contacted lawyers, none have returned my calls. I've contacted each lawyer 3 times since Wednesday afternoon (my previous lawyer) and Thursday (2 other lawyers) when I originally called. I've emailed my previous lawyers assistant and she replied to the first
Email saying he's been away and she'd forward my email to him (the receptionist said he was in meetings each time I called). The assistant had not replied to any emails since.
I'm not normally one to keep calling or emailing when I don't get an answer and annoy them but the area we live in is so small that there's only a few lawyers I can call and I need answers.)
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  #25  
Old 09-24-2019, 12:56 PM
Berner_Faith Berner_Faith is offline
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Iím really sorry youíre dealing with this... this forum is a wealth of knowledge but Iím not sure anyone here has dealt with what youíre dealing with. I think itís wonderful of you not to just waltz in and rip youíre girls away... they must have sooo many emotions going through their heads... my heart breaks for them. They are the ones who are most important in this situation. I do think you need a lawyer... if one in your area isnít responding Iíd really start looking for one maybe a town or two over.

Does your older daughter have Facebook or a cell phone or email? Have you tried reaching out directly? I wouldnít mention them coming to live with you but Iíd express how sorry you are for them losing their father and you want to be there for them as much as possible. Provide all the ways they can contact you, ask if you can come see them. Be present but donít force. Clearly a lot of counselling is required with all parties involved.

I do urge not to go this alone... you need a lawyer, this is sooo complex, especially with the 14 year old because she can easily decide with her feet. Ug Iím so sorry youíre dealing with this. Keep searching for a lawyer and get the ball rolling as soon as you can.


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  #26  
Old 09-24-2019, 01:14 PM
rockscan rockscan is offline
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You may not have heard back from the lawyers as it could be so small a town that they have conflicts. Depending on where you are, I agree that you should look outside the city. You need someone who is not only able to handle the case but also able to handle the alienation.

I would also call CAS and ask to speak to someone there about it. While this woman has been ďin locoĒ parent the last few years, she is not their parent and has been contributing to emotionally abusive alienation.

Is there a mental health organization in your area? Possibly a family service type of place? I would call them as well and see if you can set up an intake appointment for yourself. That will help you wrap your head around things and know what to say (and not say).

Do you have any options with his family or friends? Did he have parents still alive who may seek custody?
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  #27  
Old 09-24-2019, 01:43 PM
tilt tilt is offline
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I would drop the alienation talk for now. It isnít fair but it sends up red flags that this is a high conflict case. You want to have a simple, black and white motion to put to the judge so they can feel comfortable making a temporary order for custody to you with generous access to the stepómom (including possibly primary residential mon-fri so the girls stay in the same school). The judge wants to see you as being child-centred, let the step mom hang herself by refusing access and contact.

Go to your courthouse, preferably on motions day, and see how the lawyers act and how the judges treat them. You will quickly see which family lawyers are hot messes/disorganized/arenít familiar with court. When see see a lawyer who impressed you have a 30 second elevator speech ready, explaining your case in black and white terms without mentioning alienation. Mention that you are stable, you have custody of their siblings, that you want to facilitate access with the step mom.

Good luck, I know this is stressful but this may end up being a good thing for your family. If anything, I bet a few readers of your question have quickly drawn up a will with testamentary custody spelled out. Just because I am nosey, how did the dad die so young??
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  #28  
Old 09-24-2019, 01:55 PM
tilt tilt is offline
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I just re-read and realized you mentioned the childrenís lawyer. If they have been appointed one you should be reaching out to her, mentioning that you have been unable to contact the girls and you wondered if she could check on them. Donít share too much until you have your own lawyer, but keeping her advised of what is going on is a good idea.
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  #29  
Old 09-24-2019, 02:36 PM
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Janus Janus is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pinkmorganite View Post
I feel for the Mother who started this thread/situation she is in!


The mother here is fine. She had lost custody. Now she is set to regain custody because of the death of the father.


This is a disaster for her children. Even though her ex is dead the mother is still posting full of anger. The kids are about to be yanked away from their stable home and forced to live with what appears to be a very unstable mother.


I am honestly upset that we are helping this mother at all. I get that everyone deserves a fair shake etc etc but we are potentially screwing over some kids here.


I've glanced at this thread a couple of times and each time it makes me question my values. As a forum, I think we have really fucked up. I can't know for sure, and I'm certain the mom will post that she is a wonderful person, but my gut feeling says otherwise.

Last edited by Janus; 09-24-2019 at 02:39 PM. Reason: emotions led to lousy grammar. better now.
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  #30  
Old 09-24-2019, 02:46 PM
tilt tilt is offline
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As a forum, we have the obligation to be kind to each other. Iím sorry you have had negative experience with specific people that you now use to rationalize your assumptions and judgements about others. I hope you process your negative emotions in a healthy way that enriches your life and the life of those around you.
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alienated, death, p.a.s., sole custody, step-mother


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