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  Ottawa Divorce .com Forums > Main Category > Domestic Violence

Domestic Violence Dealing with abuse and violence. Getting support and help.

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  #1  
Old 07-30-2019, 10:41 AM
Frostrated Frostrated is offline
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Default Went to a women's outreach centre

I went to a place for women who are in abusive situations. Once a week, they have different organizations in, so women can have several consults in various areas of divorce.

First, I spoke to a counsellor for a women's shelter. She gave me the time to give my entire history and showed her all the emails my husband has written in the past few months. She said that this was one of the worst cases of emotional manipulation, hitting on emotional, financial, and verbal abuse she'd seen in a long time. While I felt validated, I got scared when she started on a safety plan. My feelings of fear got worse and I had chalked it up to lack of sleep and paranoia.

Then I spoke to the program director, who decides if you'd qualify for legal aid, which I don't. Even though I only make about $20,000 year, because I have a house, I won't get it. She really scared me. Even though he's only been on title for three months and only contributed to the house for about a year, she said he'll get half. That was bad enough but I was expecting that.

What really has me feeling total panic because it it was completely unexpected, is that because my daughter is a minor and he's lived with her for six years, he can fight for access! OMG, I never even thought my kids custody/access would even be a factor. He never supported us. He hasn't done anything fatherly for her, other than when he used to do fun things for the first year or two. He barely knows her anymore and she doesn't want to maintain a relationship with him after witnessing his bizarre behaviour recently. I'm sick to my stomach over this. I can't afford a lawyer. The only money I have will be from the house and there wont be much. I'm feeling like the biggest failure to do this to my kids not once, but twice.
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  #2  
Old 07-30-2019, 12:57 PM
Berner_Faith Berner_Faith is offline
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If he wants to fight for access of your child he would also have to pay child support for her and we know thatís not going to happen. How old is your daughter? In some cases yes step parents can get rights but it isnít an easy thing to do


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Old 07-30-2019, 02:25 PM
Frostrated Frostrated is offline
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My daughter is two months shy of 14. She doesn't even see her biological father anymore by choice, so this is a kick in the stomach.
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Old 07-30-2019, 02:43 PM
rockscan rockscan is offline
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Most of these organizations have to present the worst case scenario to you as a way to help you understand where you may have to go. It may not necessarily be true in your case.

Based on your descriptions of the situation, your stbx is more money focused than anything. He will probably fight you for the house value.

With that in mind, you need to focus on the immediate, future and distant scenarios. Right now you have to make sure you and your child are safe. Then you need to start getting your financial situation figured out. From there you can plan out the next 6 months, year, two years, five years. This should help you put together an idea of what you want.

Breathe. You will be ok. You have survived one asshole ex, you can survive another.
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Old 07-30-2019, 03:07 PM
Berner_Faith Berner_Faith is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Frostrated View Post
My daughter is two months shy of 14. She doesn't even see her biological father anymore by choice, so this is a kick in the stomach.


Rest assured he will not get access to your daughter.

As stated above they give you worst case but given the age it will be a very hard sell for him and heíd have to agree to pay child support and he wonít want to pay you anything.

Focus on the financial issues and get you and your daughter a place of your own. Trust me, she wants a happy mother, not some house. If all you can get for the time being is an apartment please go for it. Your mental health will thank you


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  #6  
Old 07-30-2019, 08:58 PM
tilt tilt is offline
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Can your mom afford to help and pay for a visit with a real estate lawyer and family law lawyer? Otherwise, you can get a free consult, and some lawyers will work for a lien against the value of the house.

Iím confused because it sounds like she signed over a house to you for no money. There may be time for her to register a private mortgage against the house, affecting the equity the equity. I donít think it is as cut and dry as you were told, injust enrichment and unequal division of property are a thing. Where has his money been going - you are entitled to half of his pension, rrsps and bank accounts too.

Last edited by tilt; 07-30-2019 at 09:07 PM.
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  #7  
Old 07-31-2019, 09:45 AM
Frostrated Frostrated is offline
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Yeah, it's a bizarre situation. She wanted her name off title and the mortgage. This all went through with us refinancing the mortgage and name title on April 5th of this years. I think first mortgage payment started on May 1st. He used the leftover money from refinancing to pay the mortgage for three months. He's virtually put nothing into it. I got a legal aid certificate for a free 2-hour consult with a list of lawyers who accept them but I've heard nothing back. I think I'll start looking for lawyers who do free initial consults on my own.
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