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Domestic Violence Dealing with abuse and violence. Getting support and help.

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  #11  
Old 07-04-2019, 07:54 AM
iona6656 iona6656 is offline
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Default Recanting my statement - a bit

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jinneebhat View Post
Thanks for the valuable advise

My spouse is ready for the therapies to control her anger. Now what's for me? Want to give her one last chance or apply for divorce.

Did u apply for one? Did ur partner lost custody rights?


For you? Therapy.

My ex actually filed the application for divorce first because he wanted to see our daughter right away - and he could only do that through a family court order because of his bail conditions.

If he hadnít - yes, I wouldíve filed for divorce.

As tilt said witnessing domestic violence can be worse for kids than being a victim. Itís heartbreaking for me to admit- but I know it affected my daughter. If anyone is speaking in raised voices- not yelling, even just debating- she runs up to them and pleads with them to stop. If my parents speak in a harsh tone to me- she clings to me and cries. She was 12-17 months when she witnessed the worst of it. If I feel anxious- it will transfer to her.

Beyond filing for divorce- seek therapy for yourself and for your kids if theyíre old enough.

My ex did not lose custody rights. I continue to work with him because he says he wants to be a good dad- and thatís his right as her father. Heís an asshole, but as long as heís not an abusive asshole I donít know I have much of a say.

But know this- if she was physically abusive to you...Iím guessing she was really emotionally abusive and manipulative. She probably made you feel that you brought it on yourself, etc etc. Co-parenting with someone like that is NOT possible. Parallel is I think. Itís because you do not need to be forced to try to get along with your abuser. Donít do it. Just my personal experience.
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  #12  
Old 07-07-2019, 01:45 PM
Helpmyspouse Helpmyspouse is offline
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Such amazing and spot on advice. I agree with all if it. It triggered memories of my own situation. Do not recant your statement. You should not be trying to help your wife right now. Your ex will throw you under the bus if she could. Help yourself and your kids. They rely on YOU to keep them safe. Yes, it sucks when you have to keep them safe from their mother. And, recanting will bring the spotlight on you. Do you want authorities to question your mental health? To question your ability to protect your kids? I'm seeing a CAS file opening up. You don't want any of that.
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  #13  
Old 07-08-2019, 10:31 AM
iona6656 iona6656 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Helpmyspouse View Post
And, recanting will bring the spotlight on you. Do you want authorities to question your mental health? To question your ability to protect your kids? I'm seeing a CAS file opening up. You don't want any of that.
really good advice there.

I remember the CAS worker who interviewed me after my separation- asked me at least 3-4x whether I would consider reconciling with my ex. I think if I had said yes, they probably would've considered whether I should even be making decisions for our daughter.

The CAS report that was forwarded to our OCL caseworker specifically said that the reason they were closing our file was because the mother indicated that reconciliation was not an option so they felt D2 was safe.
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  #14  
Old 07-09-2019, 10:16 AM
gettingexpensive gettingexpensive is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by iona6656 View Post
The CAS report that was forwarded to our OCL caseworker specifically said that the reason they were closing our file was because the mother indicated that reconciliation was not an option so they felt D2 was safe.
Ha so that's how it works. If one of the parent is "sound" and protects the kids, they close the file. It happened to be. I was baffled.
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