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Common Law Issues The law regarding common law relationships is different than in cases of divorce. Discuss the issues that affect unmarried couples here.

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  #1  
Old 01-07-2014, 12:43 PM
Trapped Trapped is offline
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Hello all,

I was hoping to get some advice/guidance regarding my current circumstances as I’m in a situation where I really feel like a prisoner in my own home and am unsure as to what direction to take. My situation is as follows. I apologize for the length.

I ended my common-law relationship of 4.5 years (together 5.5) at the very beginning of October 2013. My ex and I have 2 children together ages 4 and 2. We also have custody of his 7 yr old son from a previous relationship and receive no CS. Since ending the relationship I have been the sole person to pay for all of the bills. He contributes nothing financially. I pay the mortgage, taxes, all utilities, insurance (both house and for each of our vehicles), cable, Internet, phone (his AND mine). I also pay for food and gas etc.

In the 5 years we were together he was either laid off or was fired at least once a year from his job as a mechanic. He claims that this is due to his ADHD. Upon discovering that I was pregnant with our second child we decided to purchase a house. The only contribution from him in this process was to call a mortgage broker and show up to sign the papers once the purchase was made. I provided the down payment of $20,000 via first time homebuyer plan using my RRSP. In addition to this, I paid all the legal fees, the outstanding taxes for the year, and all deposits for utilities. Since that purchase 2.5 yrs ago, I have paid all of the mortgage, taxes and insurance payments myself and can prove all of this via my personal bank account statements etc. This is including while I was on maternity leave.

When I was scheduled to return to work from mat leave I was laid off as my role had been off-shored. I subsequently used my entire severance package to continue paying the mortgage. While I looked for alternate employment, my ex decided to quit being a mechanic because he “just didn’t like it” (against my better judgment and requests) and took a job paying half, leaving me to not only find a job but to find one that made up the difference in money coming into the house. In this time I exhausted my entire severance package and was forced to withdraw from RRSP to pay the mortgage etc. When this too had been exhausted I finally found a job at the last minute and had to delay withdrawal of my mortgage payment by 15 days and pay 2 payments in a single month.

My ex was ultimately laid off from the position he took paying half after only 6 months when he claimed that he had developed “tennis elbow” and that the modified duties the company provided was not sufficiently accommodating his injury. He managed to successfully submit a claim to WSIB and has been off work since June of 2013 and receiving payment from WSIB.

When it was clear that he had no intentions of taking any steps to facilitate his departure from our home (Nov) I told him that he needed to start making some plans. He insisted that I needed to buy him out of the house. After 2 yrs there is no equity in the home nor has it increased in value in that time. And since I have been the sole contributor I really don’t feel that he has any entitlement. I calculated the cost to sell the house, legal fees, and factored in that I would want my down payment back. I provided the numbers to him for 3 different potential sale prices for the home and was even overly generous and provided the numbers should we somehow manage to make $15,000 more than what we paid (wouldn’t happen right now with the market and the condition of the home). The most generous numbers would have left us with about $1250 each (this didn’t even factor in the cost to break the mortgage). I told him that I would pay all the bills in the house in addition to the mortgage to allow him to save for first and last months rent to secure his own living arrangements. Additionally, I offered him 75% of the contents of the home (90% is actually mine). The money he would save in half the house costs is more than double the “buy out” figure above. It is now January and he has not saved anything and still has no intention of leaving.

In November he met another woman and has been dating her since meeting. Not only has he been freeloading off me, not looking for employment, not saving any money, he has been leaving several times a week for overnight visits with this woman, leaving me to be responsible for HIS son. Beyond that, he has also been bringing this woman into my home and around my small children while I am away at work (I work 12 hr shifts that alternate between days and nights).

There is SOOOOO much more crap that he has been pulling on me that I haven’t even mentioned and I feel trapped and unable to move on with my life. I don’t know how to get him to stand up on his own two feet and start taking responsibility for himself and his circumstance. His sense of entitlement extreme and he uses the fact that I broke up with him as justification for everything he does. How the hell can I get this leach out of my life before he sucks me dry of everything I’ve worked for and my livelihood? I just want to move on and do so with that which I worked my ass off for and earned.
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Old 01-07-2014, 12:56 PM
DowntroddenDad DowntroddenDad is offline
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Unfortunately you are in a tough position.

In a marriage situation the marital home needs to be split 50/50, so at least be thankful you didn't marry him.

You have to toughen up. Get over the emotional issues, and tackle the practical ones.

He needs to pay child support. That should be your focus. That will help you pay your bills. If he won't pay, then take him to court.

As for the house, is he on the mortgage as a co-owner?

Stop paying anything for his personal expenses.

I'm sure others will chime in.
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Old 01-07-2014, 12:56 PM
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I'm sorry you are dealing with such a leach.

There is a lot to deal with in your post. Hopefully someone who understands more about common law relationships can help you.

You have 4 possible issues.

Property
Access/Custody of Children
Possible Spousal support
In loco parentis

The property is obviously the easiest as there are only a couple of option. You buy him out. He buys you out. The house is sold. This is strictly business...treat is as such.

What do you see as the future of your parenting plan. 50/50 is believed to be the best situation for the children. Child support will be setup using the set-off method where you would each pay the other your table amount. The difference is what would actually change hands.

In loco parentis. He may attempt to get you to pay child support for his other child

Spousal Support - He may also attempt to make a claim for spousal support. I believe their is case law for this in common law relationships. However with such a short term relationship this may be extremely difficult.

As for him bringing the other girl to the house. I can defiantly provide advice on this as it happened to me. Let me tell you that he can bring anyone he chooses into your house at any time... As long as his name is on title to the house he is free to do as he chooses. I at one time called the police to have my spouses boyfriend removed from our house. The police told me straight up that as long as her name is on title she was free to bring whomever she wanted into the house and there was nothing I could do about it. For me I found what worked best for me was to be very friendly to him as she was doing it to piss me off. Once I started to be friendly the behavior stopped.
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Old 01-07-2014, 01:01 PM
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Is the house under both of your names?
Do the two of you have joint bank account or did you pay everything from your own account?
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Old 01-07-2014, 01:11 PM
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He is on the deed as well as the mortgage.

I have told him that I want my name removed from the joint account we share and will be going to the bank to complete that today. He has had several NSF charges for piddly $15 withdrawals because he spends his money on tim hortons, beer, and fast food.

He has a CS order already in place for the son that lives with us. He's not receiving it atm because she quit working to go to school. The mother has also informed him that she intends to seek custody again once she finishes school in Feb. Can he really seek CS for a child who already has a CS order in place from his bio mom?

As for seeking CS from him, you can't get blood from a stone. I have no desire nor need for CS when I know it will just make things that much more difficult for him and his son and create unnecessary conflict. I'd be happy with him just assisting with daycare expenses and chipping in here and there until he gets his life established. Custody is not an issue either as my work schedule would automatically establish a 50/50 (or close to) split of time for each of us. This isn't really a point of contention for us either.
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Old 01-07-2014, 01:13 PM
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Everything has been paid from my personal account. The joint account was used to pay for utilities and expenses until October. Since October everything has been paid out of my personal account.
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Old 01-07-2014, 01:31 PM
Pursuinghappiness Pursuinghappiness is offline
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Quote:
Everything has been paid from my personal account. The joint account was used to pay for utilities and expenses until October. Since October everything has been paid out of my personal account.
Luckily this hasn't been going on for too long.

Its good that you're cutting off the joint account. You also need to cut off anything non-mandatory...ie, home phone line, cable, internet, extra food, etc. I would make it extremely difficult for him and his gfs to enjoy their time in the home.

As for getting a CS order, its the right of the child and you need to pursue getting an order.

Quote:
The mother has also informed him that she intends to seek custody again once she finishes school in Feb. Can he really seek CS for a child who already has a CS order in place from his bio mom?
Yes he can if he proves in locos parentis but the amount will most likely be adjusted based on the order he already has in place which won't be substantial if the other mom is successful in her bid for custody. Given that he's divorcing you, will be moving, etc...she has a better chance at changing the status quo since its changing anyway.

My apologies because I actually laughed at him getting WSIB for tennis elbow. Good lord. Get ready because someone's going to tell you that your man-picker is broken. How special that he's unemployed and still has managed to snag a new gf who enjoys having sex in another woman's home while she's working. Way to stay classy...lol.

You poor thing, you truly have my sympathies. Good luck getting him out of your life.
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Old 01-07-2014, 01:35 PM
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Vehicle registration/insurance in your name?
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Old 01-07-2014, 01:48 PM
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@ Trapped.....

The username seems suited after reading your story, but you need to start looking on the positive side. If there is any joint credit cards that he might have access to(?), close them ASAP so he doesn't rack them up

As for him already being with someone else...well, that phenomenon seems to be rampant apparently, especially with some people going through in-house separation.

Quote:
Vehicle registration/insurance in your name?
If there is, give him 30 days notice (written), and take your plates off the car. You only need to provide "basic neccessities", so anything else that is just "nice to have", can be cut off

I am sure this experience has been an eye opener?
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Old 01-07-2014, 01:49 PM
Trapped Trapped is offline
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I'm not mean, vindictive, nor greedy etc. I just want to move on as I've been taken advantage of enough. I've become nothing but a daycare provider, meal ticket, and my home a hotel for him and his GF.

The only bill that is in his name is the Rogers bill, which includes home phone, cable, internet, and his cell. I have since removed my cell from this bill. I'm guessing it is perfectly reasonable to just stop paying this? I have no need for any of these things ATM and he can't afford to pay it. When he can no longer fill his days with texting/calling his GF or playing for hours on his xbox while chatting with his buddies, he may be more encouraged to leave.

My man-picker is most definitely broken beyond repair. By the time I realized what I was into I was already 1 child invested and suddenly found myself pregnant with #2 after finding out he cheated 1 week prior... Oh yes, it gets better.

The new GF isn't any better off as she does't appear to have a job either. I guess I'm a magnet for those who like to live off the backs of others.

Arabian, my car is in my name and his van in his name. The insurance is has both names however I pay for it.
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