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Common Law Issues The law regarding common law relationships is different than in cases of divorce. Discuss the issues that affect unmarried couples here.

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  #1  
Old 09-13-2013, 01:04 AM
init'sowntime init'sowntime is offline
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Default Self reping and a couple of questions

hi all, i posted a reply on another thread, but then i realized this post stood out on it's own and i had a couple of questions. here is the copy of my post. any insight into my hcp ex would be appriciated.

I am self reping and my common law ex is a hcp. in order to keep me from maintain my home she got a protection order against me. I was very flustered when this happened but i let a few days go by digesting the info, and i decided i wasn't going to lay down and die. I filed an affidavit speaking to that order and because of her distortion campaign, i was able to easily with a mountain of evidence disprove every single claim.

We are heading to a judicial case conference where i believe "the writing will be on the wall" so to speak. the other side is now back pedaling ie suddenly claiming that we were never spouses (we were together ten yrs, come on!) and that i have never owned the house (for which i am on title as a joint tenant) and am asking 50% of, even going as far as saying that i lived "rent free" for many years (how do you rent a house you own?)

her arguments keep changing. she keeps trying to scare me. reminding me that costs may be ordered against me, and that trial would be very costly, that by accepting their settlement offer i can release myself from a "mutual spousal support claim" and that my income would be monitored for many years (she makes three times as much as me and has for years). thing is, if she somehow tried to go for ss, she would have to change all of her pleadings, and it would cost her thousands to her lawyer.

I am currently reading alot about hcp's in court and my ex reads like a textbook case. these threats only show me that A) she wants to try and somehow stay in my life, and B) her lawyer after reviewing the evidence i have submitted realizes that my ex would never make a good witness because everything she has said is a lie.

the only thing i am really wondering is that my stance has never altered. i am by far the more reasonable one, asking for a 50/50 split, and she is asking to keep the whole house, everything in it, the vehicles (2), and is asking for costs. they on the other hand seem to , weekly at this point, be changing what they are asking for, making new claims, and somehow seem to be all over the map. is it a tactic to make me confused and wonder what they are really arguing? or is it that in light of all her fabricated stories, false accusations and outright lies, her lawyer doesn't really know how to argue and they are just throwing random stuff out there hoping ill scare?

self reping is hard, but in a way im happy to be doing this on my own. as you correctly stated, i know my case better than anyone, and ive read up on alot of case law, and many articles. i know the family court rules well, the only thing im lacking is actually being in a court room which soon i may have to learn. im okay with that. when i first started out i was lost but now im realizing just how much ive learned, and im excited. i know ill never know as much as a lawyer, but im confident that i know more that alot of people who self rep thinking they can "wing it". can anyone offer thoughts on my questions above about there strategy? thanks
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  #2  
Old 09-13-2013, 07:45 AM
standing on the sidelines standing on the sidelines is offline
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I take it you made a firm offer to settle?

You guys bought the house together, each putting down the same amount of down payment etc?
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  #3  
Old 09-13-2013, 04:13 PM
Mess Mess is offline
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Not sure exactly what your question is.

If your ex is HCP then you MUST avoid any communication. You aren't going to solve any issues by one-on-one communication, and this will just stir the pot.

If you are going to self-rep, you cannot "just wing it." You must treat this as a full-time education followed by a full-time job. If you can't, then be prepared to hire help.

You must familiarize yourself with the Family Law Rules and understand in detail what they refer to. You must understand what you have to file, when, and it is to be formatted. You should go research similar cases to yours on Canlii, find one's that have been heard in your local courthouse, go to the courthouse and ask to look at the public records filed for those cases. Look at how each party worded their claims, look at how the trial resulted.

Go to the courthouse and sit in on family law trials and motions, ideally ones with similar issues to yours. Some people say they had problems being let in to observe trials. Learn your way around the courthouse, do not just give up and say "they won't let me."

Find the Duty Counsel and learn as much as you can about filing. Make friends with the court clerks. Be humble and friendly. Do not demand or expect.

Find the FLIC and get as much as you can from them. Bring lists of questions and take notes. Depending on your income you may only get limited use from them. Make the most of it by doing your research beforehand and use them for the questions you can't find answers for elsewhere.

Create a file with all of your info, your spouse's info, your children's info, all financial info, and keep in a binder with you. Refer to it when you have questions. Law is based on facts, have those facts at hand and add to it as you go.

Read, read, read. Start with "Surviving your Divorce" by Cochrane. Read it three times before you come here or anywhere else with questions. Then be prepared to seek out other law resources. We can help you but we can't do it for you.
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  #4  
Old 09-13-2013, 09:50 PM
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blinkandimgone blinkandimgone is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mess View Post

If your ex is HCP then you MUST avoid any communication. You aren't going to solve any issues by one-on-one communication, and this will just stir the pot.
Absolutely 100% agree with this as the priority.
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  #5  
Old 09-18-2013, 02:11 AM
init'sowntime init'sowntime is offline
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i have made a firm offer to settle. her parents put the money down for the down payment, she paid the mortgage, and i did all the work. she is on a disability pension. when i totaled up all my contributions to the house renos, yard, vehicles, and maintenance it came to several thousand dollars more than the money she paid in mortgage. and yes, i am on title and mortgage.

i get that there is all the ins and outs of knowing what your doing. i have studied studied and studied some more, i have researched case law, i have hung out here, i have talked to as many free advice lawyers i can, i have talked to duty counsel. im feeling pretty good about this offer to settle. this may be the one that ends it all.

i have figured that their previous emails were just scare tactics, because (and i only talk to her lawyer by email, no contact with ex for almost a year now) once i directly rebutted their claims and provided proof they backed down, realizing that wouldn't work either.

Heres my personal favorite: when asked to provide receipts for the things she claims she bought they sent me scans of said reciepts and more than half were bought by my debit card!! also, there was a reciept included for bandaids she bought. 1..package...of...bandaids...for 2.99...the receipt is from 2007!

talk about crazy. who cares about the stereo! lets talk bandaids!!!
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  #6  
Old 09-18-2013, 06:55 AM
BitHunter BitHunter is offline
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In your first post you said that she makes 3x more than you. In this post you said she is on a disability pension.
If you could claim mowing the lawn toward the value of the property she could claim the value of bj she gave you. But I think none of you can claim these in court.
Just because she bought a bandaid with your debit card you don't automatically have right to the house her parents bought and she paid for. This is one huge difference between being married and common law in Ontario.
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Old 09-18-2013, 10:17 AM
Mess Mess is offline
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Bithunter, a ** is a personal service. Mowing the lawn is maintainence for the property, in most municipalities bylaws require mowing, not **. Especially if someone is on disability, this is something that would require hiring someone if the OP wasn't there to do it.

Sweat investment is a valid claim in Ontario courts. Moreover, he is on the title to the property, so the intent of the purchase was that they are both owners.
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  #8  
Old 09-18-2013, 02:09 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mess View Post
Bithunter, a ** is a personal service.
Spoken by a poster who has more than likely never given one.

Trust me, a ** is sweat equity.
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  #9  
Old 09-20-2013, 09:49 PM
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plainNamedDad44 plainNamedDad44 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mess View Post
Not sure exactly what your question is.

If your ex is HCP then you MUST avoid any communication. You aren't going to solve any issues by one-on-one communication, and this will just stir the pot.

If you are going to self-rep, you cannot "just wing it." You must treat this as a full-time education followed by a full-time job. If you can't, then be prepared to hire help.

You must familiarize yourself with the Family Law Rules and understand in detail what they refer to. You must understand what you have to file, when, and it is to be formatted. You should go research similar cases to yours on Canlii, find one's that have been heard in your local courthouse, go to the courthouse and ask to look at the public records filed for those cases. Look at how each party worded their claims, look at how the trial resulted.

Go to the courthouse and sit in on family law trials and motions, ideally ones with similar issues to yours. Some people say they had problems being let in to observe trials. Learn your way around the courthouse, do not just give up and say "they won't let me."

Find the Duty Counsel and learn as much as you can about filing. Make friends with the court clerks. Be humble and friendly. Do not demand or expect.

Find the FLIC and get as much as you can from them. Bring lists of questions and take notes. Depending on your income you may only get limited use from them. Make the most of it by doing your research beforehand and use them for the questions you can't find answers for elsewhere.

Create a file with all of your info, your spouse's info, your children's info, all financial info, and keep in a binder with you. Refer to it when you have questions. Law is based on facts, have those facts at hand and add to it as you go.

Read, read, read. Start with "Surviving your Divorce" by Cochrane. Read it three times before you come here or anywhere else with questions. Then be prepared to seek out other law resources. We can help you but we can't do it for you.
Most excellent advice. Thank you. I am finding out that it is a full time job, but well worth the effort I think.

Good luck to the OP. We're behind you 100%
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