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Common Law Issues The law regarding common law relationships is different than in cases of divorce. Discuss the issues that affect unmarried couples here.

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  #1  
Old 07-24-2013, 10:22 AM
Sylvia13 Sylvia13 is offline
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Default How do I tell him itès time for him to leave

Hi all,

I decided to do a new post. I am waiting to meet with a lawyer to discuss my rights about a common-law relationship, but have been doing a lot of thinking when the time comes, which will be real soon, how to tell him it is time we part ways.

I want to cry every time I think about it, mostly for me, I will be honest because there were some good times, but also for him because what a shock it will be for him once he hears those words. What he said to me about wanting $50,000 is always on my mind now and I have lost respect in him and can never get that back.

His family are the ones that persuaded me to seek legal advice and kick him out. If he so chooses he has a place he can stay at until he finds himself an appartment, but in the meantime he will have to stay in my home, I would never consider kicking him out then and there.

If any of you have gone through what I am going through right now and wish to share your words of wisdom, I would so much appreciate it.

Thank you.
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  #2  
Old 07-24-2013, 10:30 AM
Mess Mess is offline
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In a common law situation he has no legal claim to your home, especially after such a short time and with so little contribution.

However he does have some rights as a resident, and arguably from your description in your other post he has been making regular payments, so he at least has similar rights as a tenant.

You must give him notice that he is to move. I would recommend that you give him 30 days notice. It is not unreasonable to give more, but if you give 60 he will demand 90. So start with 30 and then be willing to compromise if necessary.

I strongly suggest you give him formal notice for an exact date by both email - so you have a quick and easy confirmation of delivery - and by registered letter. If you have a conversation there is no proof you gave him notice, and it can easily turn ugly. Keep your distance, do not get emotional, and stay BUSINESSLIKE. This can be done in a letter, it is harder to do in person.

You do not help him or yourself if you are vague, or equivocate. You help him by being firm and clear what his options are - to stay a certain number of days while he finds a place to go. If you are not clear, he will hang around, the situation will become more conflicted for both of you, and in the end you will have him evicted and he will be out on the street in 30-60 days anyway, probably with a restraining order in place.

If you want to help him and be fair, then give him a clear eviction notice in a businesslike way.

I am sure your lawyer will state something similar.
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Old 07-24-2013, 11:12 AM
DowntroddenDad DowntroddenDad is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sylvia13 View Post
Hi all,

I decided to do a new post. I am waiting to meet with a lawyer to discuss my rights about a common-law relationship, but have been doing a lot of thinking when the time comes, which will be real soon, how to tell him it is time we part ways.

I want to cry every time I think about it, mostly for me, I will be honest because there were some good times, but also for him because what a shock it will be for him once he hears those words. What he said to me about wanting $50,000 is always on my mind now and I have lost respect in him and can never get that back.

His family are the ones that persuaded me to seek legal advice and kick him out. If he so chooses he has a place he can stay at until he finds himself an appartment, but in the meantime he will have to stay in my home, I would never consider kicking him out then and there.

If any of you have gone through what I am going through right now and wish to share your words of wisdom, I would so much appreciate it.

Thank you.
If you want to tell him, I still think handing him a letter (which you have also sent in an email) is a good idea. Don't dwell on why. Focus on what - you consider the relationship is finished and he must leave by Month/Day. You may offer him the couch or spare bed until that time, if that works for you. But you must be specific. Emphasize sooner would be better, that will make it clear that it really is over.

If he demands money, tell him you have consulted a lawyer, and he is free to do the same. The letter should contain the information about payment on the damaged items. Don't confront, don't argue, it isn't worth it. Stay calm as possible.
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Old 07-24-2013, 12:33 PM
stripes stripes is offline
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I would recommend sending the eviction notice as a registered letter (yes, it's a bit silly given you live at the same address) as well as by email, so that you have proof it was sent and he received it. Make sure the wording of the email and the letter are identical. I agree with everyone else about giving him a very specific date by which he must have removed his belongings and be out. That is actually the best favour you can do him right now.

Don't get drawn into discussions about financial settlements, as he may try to bargain with this once he realizes you really want him out - i.e. "I'll move out once you've agreed to pay me $xxx for this reason". The financial aspects can wait until after he has left the home (and as others have pointed out, he doesn't have a claim to much - perhaps the value of his damaged furniture, certainly not the appreciation of the house, given the short duration of your relationship). A good line is "I'm not willing to discuss financial transfers with you directly. If you wish to talk about financial arrangements, please have a lawyer acting on your behalf contact me".

While he's on his 30-day notice period, try to stay out of the house while he's in it as much as possible. It sounds like you're not working right now, but perhaps you can visit friends, hang out at the library, go for long walks, etc. You may want to take pictures of the rooms (including the flooded basement) in case he damages anything, either accidentally or out of spite.

The main thing is getting him out of the house now - you can focus on tying up the other loose ends (and there shouldn't be too many) once you have your home back.
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Old 07-24-2013, 04:15 PM
caranna caranna is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by stripes View Post
A good line is "I'm not willing to discuss financial transfers with you directly. If you wish to talk about financial arrangements, please have a lawyer acting on your behalf contact me."
Apparently the OP will be hiring a lawyer soon, so it would be advisable that his lawyer (if he has one), contact OP's lawyer, not the OP.
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  #6  
Old 07-25-2013, 07:09 AM
Sylvia13 Sylvia13 is offline
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Thank you for your responses Mess, DTD, Stripes and Carana, I am going to use your advice wisely.

I am fully aware that my partner has rights as a resident and my thoughs originally were to give him 3 months to move out but I now can see that is way too long. One of his daughters would be willing to take him in until he found himself a place to live.

I was thinking of writing him a letter with the date I would like to have him move out by but never thought of an e-mail or a witness, that is a wonderful idea, thank you. I will also try to not to get too emotional and stay businesslike. I have learned this the hard way as he is very passionate and goes on and on and as I on the other hand cannot take it any longer and just walk away.

I really do want to be fair to my partner and under no circumstances would I ever allow myself to get a restraining order, that is not me.

If he had not mentioned the money then most likely things would of stayed the same they were, but the money situation is a deal breaker. I am sure he will try to talk me out of it and will get emotional and use his stress as an excuse, but I am sticking to my guns, he has to go.


Hopefully I will get a call from my lawyer to-day and get this in motion. Will also tell him that it would be wise for him to speak to a lawyer too so he knows where he stands.

I am getting compensated by the insurance company for the furniture that was lost so will cut him a cheque for his things. If he continues asking me for money then I will tell him to have his lawyer contact my lawyer as suggested..

Thank you for such wonderful input, you guys are awesome!
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Old 07-25-2013, 11:55 AM
Mess Mess is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by caranna View Post
Apparently the OP will be hiring a lawyer soon, so it would be advisable that his lawyer (if he has one), contact OP's lawyer, not the OP.
In terms of eviction, he should be informed directly, as soon as possible. The date of eviction will be from the date of notice. He may not have a lawyer for weeks, and may not inform her right away that he has one.
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Old 07-26-2013, 08:54 AM
Sylvia13 Sylvia13 is offline
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Mess, although I am not looking forward to it will start the eviction process as soon as I speak to my lawyer this coming Monday. As I mentioned earlier, his children are behind me and one of his daughters will take him in temporarily under certain conditions. He will not have access to the internet, his job would be to look for a place to live. Yes, he is a gamer, plays his computer games from morning till he goes to bed. I knew that he was a gamer but things were OK until about 2 years ago. Yes, I am partly to blame for not nipping this in the head earlier but I thought I was making him happy which in turn made me my friends and family very unhappy.

Like I said, not looking forward to the eviction, but must do what I must do.
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  #9  
Old 07-26-2013, 09:02 AM
Mess Mess is offline
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I hope things go well. Please let us know what your lawyer says.
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  #10  
Old 07-26-2013, 10:24 AM
Sylvia13 Sylvia13 is offline
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Thank you Mess. The meeting is at 10 am over the phone from my 89 year old neighbour's house.

Will keep you posted.
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