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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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  #11  
Old 10-04-2012, 05:42 PM
DowntroddenDad DowntroddenDad is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hadenough View Post
It's not your problem and I think if your ex wants to huff and puff then hey, whatever floats her boat.
I wish it were that simple. I did try to get fixed access. But my ex fought for "liberal" but undefined access, meaning the kids could spend as much or as little time with me as they like. I had been optimistic based on how it had been working out at the time that this would be ok.

But when things got tense between my ex and I, all of a sudden my kids wouldn't return my calls, or want to see me. In some cases they cancelled appointments. My ex claims that she has been supportive of them spending time with me, but somehow there is a very high correlation between issues between us, and not seeing my kids. I'd like to go back and get fixed access, but of course that would open up a big can of worms and cost $$.

When I was paying my ex directly, I was sending Internet email transfers, and she was cashing them days late. I asked her (in an email since she won't answer the phone if she knows its me) if there were any problems or issues, but no response. I suspect she may have been playing games.
  #12  
Old 10-04-2012, 05:49 PM
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I agree with previous posters in that having garnisheed money come directly to me is definitely the way to go as you don't have to have any contact with ex. No games. Interesting that child access issues are frequently in correlation with money.
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Old 10-04-2012, 06:37 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DowntroddenDad View Post
I wish it were that simple. I did try to get fixed access. But my ex fought for "liberal" but undefined access, meaning the kids could spend as much or as little time with me as they like. I had been optimistic based on how it had been working out at the time that this would be ok.

But when things got tense between my ex and I, all of a sudden my kids wouldn't return my calls, or want to see me. In some cases they cancelled appointments. My ex claims that she has been supportive of them spending time with me, but somehow there is a very high correlation between issues between us, and not seeing my kids. I'd like to go back and get fixed access, but of course that would open up a big can of worms and cost $$.

When I was paying my ex directly, I was sending Internet email transfers, and she was cashing them days late. I asked her (in an email since she won't answer the phone if she knows its me) if there were any problems or issues, but no response. I suspect she may have been playing games.
It's really irrelevant when she deposits the transfer, unless she is declining it altogether. It creates no issue for you at all if she waits a few days, perhaps she does all her banking on one day- who knows, but it doesn't matter.
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Old 10-04-2012, 07:24 PM
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after 8 yars of never missing a payment I found myself out of work. I eceived many intimidating letters from FRO and have been paying them whatever I can. I have now secured a job with no paycheck til the 1st of NOv and by then will probably have lost my DL....I know I owe it but have had no income at all..no EI nothing
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Old 10-04-2012, 10:01 PM
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The point isn't the truth, the point is she uses payments or lack there of (even if they are on time) as an excuse to get the kids upset and then they don't want to see me.
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Old 10-04-2012, 10:09 PM
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DD - how old are your children? Are they old enough to understand when you tell them that money issues are between you and mom? .... or are they teenagers who are simply playing along with the manipulation?

Sounds like a lousy situation but I'd do everything I could to separate the money discussions from the child-raising conversations.
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Old 10-04-2012, 10:26 PM
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They are teens, and I don't bring up the issue, but their mom does.
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Old 10-04-2012, 10:40 PM
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so you are privy to conversations your teens are having with their mother and you have heard the discussion yourself?

I would hazard a guess that you are being told this by either the kids or the mother. If that is the case then I would stop having that sort of conversation with either of them. You can't control what the mother does but you can control what conversations you involve yourself with. You are complying with the court ordered support and that is that. Discussion of your finances with your children or your ex is inappropriate in my opinion. If she has a problem with it tell her to take you to court. End of discussion with her I'd say.
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Old 10-04-2012, 10:51 PM
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I don't have those conversations with the kids, ever. I agree it is inappropriate.
  #20  
Old 10-05-2012, 12:32 AM
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I've been receiving payments via FRO and I have to say I really enjoy it due to the fact that it takes the "money" talk out of two people who are now exes. Money is one of the most common things fought over by two people who are in, or have been in a relationship with each other. There is no more "he said/she said". If you plan on paying on time regulary, I don't see why you wouldn't use this as an option. I have friends who don't use it and end up fronting extra money here or there because the mom or dad begs that they "need money for food for the kid" when they're really buying smokes or beer. Or the recipient can try and use the money owed to them as leverage on the other parents access (which, I may add is TERRIBLY WRONG) but it does happen. It seems like an extreme measure but to have a 3rd party involved can be really helpful!

Also, a notice of arrears can be sent, but they offer the chance to set a reasonable payback method before any enforcement actions are taken. It took me almost 2 years to start getting regular payments and the payor didn't go above and beyond to get that money started. He still has his license and was able to pay it off at a comfortable pace as long as he kept in contact with them.
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