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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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  #1  
Old 11-02-2019, 12:29 AM
Lostforwords Lostforwords is offline
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I have been reading posts for a while and just need some advice.... ex preplanned divorce, pretty sure he hid money. Asked for court ordered financials but things seem off. Ill be investigsting more later but how can i get more details?
My family and i have raised thr baby fron birth. He has been abusive, neglectful, etc. He had supervised visits in the house but my lawyer changed it to unsupervised, i argued and he didnt listen. I have changed lawyers since due to alot of problems (telling me to sign court docs without reading and not knowing what i was signing... yes my fault i know. And hurtful comments). Anyways ex had a few hours with baby but after a motion he got overnights every weekend 1 day. Now the following questions:

How do i get some weekends back? I want time with the baby. I cant go to any events, etc with every weekend he has baby
If i have to pay costs for a motion but have no job how is that going to work? I have 0 income beside cs
I asked for mediation before but ex rejected it. Now they want mediation bc i mentioned costs are gettng high. Should i or is it pointless? Very hostile divorce fyi
There is no co parenting. child in under 2 years. He does what he wants i let him know of appoinments, etc. If i offer anything he sends his attack dogs in. Hiw can there be joint custody of we dont talk or can comminicate. Ive tried and he just hides behind the lawyers. He knows nothing of the baby
How do i get sole custody?
Also i know some wont like this but how can you tell if the ex is only seeing the child to hurt the other parent or genuinly cares?
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  #2  
Old 11-02-2019, 07:36 AM
standing on the sidelines standing on the sidelines is offline
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wow he gets one night every week, you have the rest of the time and you want to try and take that from him???? You want weekends then offer him every other weekend (full weekend) so you each get a weekend.

Aim for you each having equal parenting time. He hasnt proven that he cannot look after the child, he just hasnt really been given the chance. You can co-parent, boundaries just have to be set for both of you.

There is no reason that you have stated that you should get sole custody. It kinda sounds like your first lawyer was trying to steer you in the right direction.

first you blame the lawyer for the visits going from supervised to unsupervised but then you say there was a motion. Obviously a judge saw that there was no need for supervised and actually upped the time the child is being parented by the father. You may not like the father but you better get use to the idea that you two created this life together and have equal rights to parent the child. You can co-parent without constant communication, I think its called parallel parenting. I dont think he is hiding behind his lawyer, he is letting the lawyer do the job he is paying him for. He doesnt want to talk to you and doing everything through legal channels.

You have not given reason for you to be given sole custody...did he hurt the child? Is he a hard drug user? A pedophile? A person with diminished mental capacity? Under the care of a psychiatrist? Or is he just a father who has been shut out by you and your family and not being respected as the father of the child? I have seen it before. The mother wont let the father do anything because they think they are the only ones qualified to look after the baby. Dad gets shoved aside as mom doesnt like the way he does things or whatever.
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  #3  
Old 11-02-2019, 03:31 PM
Berner_Faith Berner_Faith is offline
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I agree with Standing.. nothing you have said shows you should have sole custody. You claim he was abusive yet the court gave him unsupervised access, so he canít be that bad. I donít blame him for going through his lawyer. If you want weekend time you need to give something up. He gets 1 night a week and you have 6 nights but now you want him to have less? How about you offer him 50/50 access? Then youíll have weekend access?

My cousin has two children and from day one she talked about how lazy and uninvolved her husband was... he left her four years ago and has had 50-50 since... and you know heís doing a damn good job with his kids, despite my cousin claiming he has no idea how to parent.. he never has the opportunity to parent because her and my aunt did it all... anything he tried to do wasnít good enough but now heís being the father he always wanted to be


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  #4  
Old 11-02-2019, 05:03 PM
Lostforwords Lostforwords is offline
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Just to answer he didnt want every weekend they gave him that. The lawyer who did unsupervised was not my lawyer but a stand in. He does real estate law and nothing on my side had been filed so he didnt know the case or details. The unsupervised was done outside of court.
He doesnt want weekday nights. As for co parenting ive tried but its a dead end.
He has a hard time bc baby comes home unfed crying angry and baby wont even go near him and its been happening for months. The problem is that my lawyer didnt have enough time to go through the docs bc i came on very late with her. There were things missing that she forgot to put in and argue in court.
No one would be inviled with the way he parents. He would have baby my family would be in seperate rooms and after a few mins he would drop baby off to others and disappear. No on was there interferring he just didnt want to be around. If he couldnt just drop off he would leave baby on floor crying so he could relax and sleep. Even though he knew she needed to be fed and changdd nust ignored.
The abuse i dont want to get into about the baby bc this is public.
The motion now months later.
Thats fine not to talk but how long are lawyers going to be around. Eventually we will have to parent together especially a young one like this. Parrel doesnt happen when they are so young as they need consistancy and one parent does things one way another different it will affect them. That can be at an older age.
Trust me he wasnt shoved aside he had every chance. Not everyone is the same as you think. No one got involved or stated anything. He had all the chances. He chose to avoid and do things which again i can pm but wont post here.
Its not about every weekend. Its the fact that when i have things i need to take her too. Right now she will be missing a family members wedding that she is suppose to be in. This is a huge deal as shes a large part of that persons life. Also what about when i want to take her to her friends bdays. They happen on sat usually and i cant take her cuz of the access. He didnt want every weekend either. I dont know why they did it this way.
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  #5  
Old 11-02-2019, 05:13 PM
Lostforwords Lostforwords is offline
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Also some light on the others issues if you guys can help. There is a lot more but that can come later. I do appreciate the advice.
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  #6  
Old 11-02-2019, 07:00 PM
standing on the sidelines standing on the sidelines is offline
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This whole story isn't making sense at all.
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  #7  
Old 11-02-2019, 07:06 PM
Lostforwords Lostforwords is offline
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What is not making sense maybe i can explain better if you tell me
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  #8  
Old 11-02-2019, 09:16 PM
rockscan rockscan is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lostforwords View Post
I have been reading posts for a while and just need some advice.... ex preplanned divorce, pretty sure he hid money. Asked for court ordered financials but things seem off. Ill be investigsting more later but how can i get more details?
What you believe and what was actual are two different things. If you have access to bank statements it should be there. You have to ask yourself if its worth the legal fees to pursue a few thousand.

Quote:
My family and i have raised thr baby fron birth. He has been abusive, neglectful, etc.
You have police reports, legal charges and cas investigations of course. If not, let it go, he is still the childs father.

Quote:
He had supervised visits in the house but my lawyer changed it to unsupervised, i argued and he didnt listen. I have changed lawyers since due to alot of problems (telling me to sign court docs without reading and not knowing what i was signing... yes my fault i know. And hurtful comments). Anyways ex had a few hours with baby but after a motion he got overnights every weekend 1 day.
If he had supervised because you demanded it, thereís little weight. If he had supervised because of an investigation it would take more than just a lawyer saying it. More than likely your lawyer told you it wasnít worth the fight and you were being unreasonable. Thatís a good lawyer not a bad one.

Quote:
How do i get some weekends back? I want time with the baby. I cant go to any events, etc with every weekend he has baby.
You offer him every other weekend two days. You want something, you offer something. Itís as simple as that. You donít get to control him on everything, he is the childs father.

Quote:
If i have to pay costs for a motion but have no job how is that going to work? I have 0 income beside cs
You pay for your lawyer and if you lose, you may pay your exís costs. Have you applied for legal aid?

Quote:
Iasked for mediation before but ex rejected it. Now they want mediation bc i mentioned costs are gettng high. Should i or is it pointless? Very hostile divorce fyi
It takes two people to argue. Your posts sound like you want him to take off and never have a role in his childs life. No wonder it is hostile. Stop being a control freak and work collaboratively.

Quote:
There is no co parenting. child in under 2 years. He does what he wants i let him know of appoinments, etc. If i offer anything he sends his attack dogs in. Hiw can there be joint custody of we dont talk or can comminicate. Ive tried and he just hides behind the lawyers. He knows nothing of the baby
How do i get sole custody?
Also i know some wont like this but how can you tell if the ex is only seeing the child to hurt the other parent or genuinly cares?

You donít get to control how he parents. He doesnít have to show up and if you are argumentative and controlling then no wonder he fights back. The child is not a helpless infant. Dad can look after it and if he does a poor job, so what?

Get over yourself.
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  #9  
Old 11-02-2019, 09:28 PM
Lostforwords Lostforwords is offline
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Thank you rockscan. The only time i have said anything is a couole tines to let him know anything new baby was doing to keep it the same such as eg holding bottle. We have spoken twice since seperation. i dont ask. There have been no arguements or controls thats the odd part just twice to let him know simple things we dont speak.
My only concern is sometimes in the court process people lose sight of what they want and they just want to win.
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  #10  
Old 11-02-2019, 10:00 PM
standing on the sidelines standing on the sidelines is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lostforwords View Post
Thank you rockscan. The only time i have said anything is a couole tines to let him know anything new baby was doing to keep it the same such as eg holding bottle. We have spoken twice since seperation. i dont ask. There have been no arguements or controls thats the odd part just twice to let him know simple things we dont speak.
My only concern is sometimes in the court process people lose sight of what they want and they just want to win.
then just go for 50/50 and see what happens. Yes he may not do things to your liking but remember, you are a new parent also and learning as you go. Your way may not always be the right way.

Unless there have been police reports or FACS have been involved there is no reason he should not be allowed to have 50/50.

You say he doesnt want his 1 day parenting time. Does he pick the child up every weekend for his time? Is he asking for more time?
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