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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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  #1  
Old 09-12-2019, 12:59 PM
Mom 2 Two Mom 2 Two is offline
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Default Well... looks like we are heading to trial..

Just got Dadís brief and revised offer to settle for sept 17 brief... we are so far apart itís ridiculous...

At this point I would prefer just for a judge to decide as I am quite confident he wonít get anywhere near what he is asking...

I was hopeful we were going to somehow find some common ground.

He is even demanding way more than what the OCL has recommended... again with no material change that would suggest anything needs to change....

Shouldnít have gotten my hopes up...


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  #2  
Old 09-12-2019, 01:08 PM
iona6656 iona6656 is offline
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Don't lose hope. That was my exact feeling when I got my ex's initial offer back (3 months after we sent ours). So far apart.

How we got to settlement though was I compromised on financials and he compromised on parenting.
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Old 09-12-2019, 01:09 PM
iona6656 iona6656 is offline
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Out of curiosity, what does your lawyer think? Have you asked him/her- "where do you see this going?"
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Old 09-12-2019, 01:21 PM
Mom 2 Two Mom 2 Two is offline
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I have spent $18k already... Iím not compromising anymore. We have an agreement in place that he has no reason to not follow. No material change... even the judge told him last SC he is nuts and has a huge uphill battle. The kids continue to struggle in his access time. I have now had to purchase a phone plan for my 11 yro old because he is terrified to connect to dads wifi.
He called me Sunday hyperventilating because dad yelled at him on his bday and was calling him stupid. The OCL pointed out that he kids are in a toxic environment when gfís kids are there. And her kids continue to bully mine.

The latest comment from her kid to my 7 yro was... ďwe know you tell your mom you donít like coming here, so why do you keep coming.. why donít you hurry up and stopĒ.

My lawyer says that my ex is nuts and out to lunch and that even off the record my exís lawyer says she agrees with us but must follow her clients direction....

Remember 6 year status quo. SA in place and working fine until gf interfered. Which OCL also commented on... and dad paid his share up until the day he moved in with gf and her kids...

Dad makes more then me... although this year he is on par to drop his income by about 6 k... from 2013 his income was 49k. Then hovered between 48Ė49k until 2018. Judge told him income will get imputed as he has historically worked 40 and 44 hrs every other week. He is trying to make his hours be 40 hrs average. Which they never have been.

Anyways I get what your saying... but my children and their emotional needs must come first and foremost. I have done the therapy. Gotten them help to cope. Took them to classes that help. Dad continues to do nothing.

Iím not giving in and if I go broke doing it itís fine as my kids happiness and health are most important. My lawyer believes I will win and get costs. So I must push ahead I guess.


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Old 09-12-2019, 01:33 PM
iona6656 iona6656 is offline
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oh- I'm not at all saying you should compromise on financials. I was just saying how I got to the end of a what seemed like never ending battle.

is it his girlfriend that is egging him on in this insane journey? at some point someone has to have spoken with him about this?

personally- I'm curious as hell who spoke to my ex. Was it his sister? Mother? His lawyer? It was a big about-face for him to go from fighting for shared custody to sole w/ EOW and one night per week. I actually re-read our MOS every couple of days wondering if I missed something- why did they just agree?

But my point is- expect the worst...but hope for the best. When you're in a high conflict divorce- hope is the thing you live on. This WILL end eventually. You have a good position. You guys all told me- just sit and wait it out.
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Old 09-12-2019, 02:05 PM
Mom 2 Two Mom 2 Two is offline
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I know you mean well... I appreciate it. Iím just so frustrated... and so is my lawyer. Iím sure he LOLíd when he read this new revised offer.


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  #7  
Old 09-12-2019, 03:22 PM
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Janus Janus is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mom 2 Two View Post
I have now had to purchase a phone plan for my 11 yro old because he is terrified to connect to dads wifi.
What happens when he connects to dad's wifi?

Quote:
He called me Sunday hyperventilating because dad yelled at him on his bday and was calling him stupid.
Why on earth is he calling you during dad's parenting time to complain about dad? What did you say to him?

Kid has to learn to deal with dad. He won't learn that by calling you for help when the going gets tough.

Quote:
My lawyer says that my ex is nuts and out to lunch and that even off the record my exís lawyer says she agrees with us but must follow her clients direction....
Both of those sources are the same source: your lawyer, that one you are paying who work for you.

I've had clients, and what they get from me is not the unvarnished truth. I need their money!

Quote:
Iím not giving in and if I go broke doing it itís fine as my kids happiness and health are most important. My lawyer believes I will win and get costs. So I must push ahead I guess.
So the lawyer thinks it is ok to spend money on the lawyer, because the lawyer (who you are paying) says that you might get the money back. You have a helluva lotta faith in your lawyer, I gots to say.
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  #8  
Old 09-12-2019, 03:33 PM
Mom 2 Two Mom 2 Two is offline
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Ok Janus...

What are your thoughts on what the judge said to dad??

Judge clearly said

You wonít get joint custody after 6 year status quo... and the OCL report...

Judge told him to stop with the mischief with his income and that he is going to get income imputed.

And that possibly maybe some tiny tweaks can be made to access. I made some major tweaks to it give him waaaay more time then he has now.

Also judge told him that he should be paying for what is in our agreement.

All the other children are given wifi. On their devices. My child has been denied over and over again. They wonít give it to him. So he canít contact mom. If he uses the house phone. Dad and gf stand over him while he talks.

My son was hyperventilating. And dad just makes it worse by telling him he is over reacting. Would you speak to your child like that who already has anxiety diagnosis that dad is well aware of.

I spoke to my son for almost 20 mins to calm him down. I repeatedly told him to get tell his dad how he is feeling. And he refuses because dad just makes fun of him.

Are you not the one who tells other dads on this forum... when they want to upset status quo or try to get more access that they have an uphill battle with no material change in circumstances?

Yet when a mom comes on with the exact situation dad has put her in you donít seem to say that to the mom??


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Old 09-12-2019, 06:01 PM
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What are your thoughts on what the judge said to dad??
I don't think I had any thoughts? I was just warning you that many people come here talking about how their lawyer says everything is going to be a slam dunk. Lawyers sometimes lie.

Quote:
Judge clearly said You wonít get joint custody after 6 year status quo... and the OCL report...
Judges are clear in rulings. The fact that you feel a judge was clear before the ruling makes me wonder if you are relating the courtroom proceedings accurately.

Quote:
All the other children are given wifi. On their devices. My child has been denied over and over again. They wonít give it to him. So he canít contact mom. If he uses the house phone. Dad and gf stand over him while he talks.
You are in court. It makes sense to control the information that comes from his house. Also, I still don't get how "not getting the wifi password" translates to "terrified to get the wifi password".

Quote:
My son was hyperventilating. And dad just makes it worse by telling him he is over reacting.
Well, mom has some blame here too. Son really has no business calling mom in the middle of dad's parenting time to complain about dad. Well, let me fix that... mom has no business talking to the son about dad's flaws during dad's parenting time, or any time for that matter. If son calls, let him know that you love him, you are there for him, but he is with his father now and if he is upset he should deal with his father.

Quote:
Would you speak to your child like that who already has anxiety diagnosis that dad is well aware of.
Probably not, but I can understand why a parent might feel that it was the correct response. Kid is having anxiety over nothing, it can be frustrating as an outsider (or an inexperienced parent).

I'm not saying that dad is a better parent than you, I'm just saying that you need to give him a chance to be a parent. If you are letting your son call you to vent, you are very much causing the problem.

I think there was another poster a couple months ago that did the exact same thing with her kid, kept on intervening during dad's parenting time and then bemoaned the fact that the kid and father had a lousy relationship.

Quote:
I spoke to my son for almost 20 mins to calm him down. I repeatedly told him to get tell his dad how he is feeling. And he refuses because dad just makes fun of him.
Sounds like something dad and son need to work out, without mom intervening.

Quote:
Are you not the one who tells other dads on this forum... when they want to upset status quo or try to get more access that they have an uphill battle with no material change in circumstances?
I do tell parents that.

Quote:
Yet when a mom comes on with the exact situation dad has put her in you donít seem to say that to the mom??
I'm confused, what was I suppose to say that I failed to say?

My bias is that I think kids do better with both parents. It turns out that moms tend to be more interested in excluding the other parent than dads, which is why you might think you have noticed a gender bias, but you're wrong.

More accurately, I'm against most people in the forum. If I agree with a poster then there isn't much point in me typing up an "I agree!". Where is the fun in that?
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Old 09-12-2019, 06:41 PM
Mom 2 Two Mom 2 Two is offline
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Default Well... looks like we are heading to trial..

Quote:
Originally Posted by Janus View Post
I don't think I had any thoughts? I was just warning you that many people come here talking about how their lawyer says everything is going to be a slam dunk. Lawyers sometimes lie.







Judges are clear in rulings. The fact that you feel a judge was clear before the ruling makes me wonder if you are relating the courtroom proceedings accurately.







You are in court. It makes sense to control the information that comes from his house. Also, I still don't get how "not getting the wifi password" translates to "terrified to get the wifi password".







Well, mom has some blame here too. Son really has no business calling mom in the middle of dad's parenting time to complain about dad. Well, let me fix that... mom has no business talking to the son about dad's flaws during dad's parenting time, or any time for that matter. If son calls, let him know that you love him, you are there for him, but he is with his father now and if he is upset he should deal with his father.







Probably not, but I can understand why a parent might feel that it was the correct response. Kid is having anxiety over nothing, it can be frustrating as an outsider (or an inexperienced parent).



I'm not saying that dad is a better parent than you, I'm just saying that you need to give him a chance to be a parent. If you are letting your son call you to vent, you are very much causing the problem.



I think there was another poster a couple months ago that did the exact same thing with her kid, kept on intervening during dad's parenting time and then bemoaned the fact that the kid and father had a lousy relationship.







Sounds like something dad and son need to work out, without mom intervening.







I do tell parents that.







I'm confused, what was I suppose to say that I failed to say?



My bias is that I think kids do better with both parents. It turns out that moms tend to be more interested in excluding the other parent than dads, which is why you might think you have noticed a gender bias, but you're wrong.



More accurately, I'm against most people in the forum. If I agree with a poster then there isn't much point in me typing up an "I agree!". Where is the fun in that?


Isnít the point of a SC to get the judges opinion? Well I feel like he was clear in his opinion about what dad is asking for. And that he is not going to get it.

Dad had put our son in a scary situation. They have a dog and a new cat. Son put dog in bedroom. Closed the door so he could get the cat to his room. Dad yelled at son for this and opened the door and let the dog out while the cat was in his arms. Resulting in the cat scratching the crap out of our kid and kissing and clawing at the dog. They all know the two animals donít get a long. So sorry donít think my kid was over reacting when he got covered in scratches.

And all I did was talk to my son and calm him down. I didnít say anything about how dad treated him and did you miss where I said I kept encouraging him to tell his dad how he felt. And when he kept begging me to come and get him I kept saying I canít this is your dads time you need to talk to daddy... sorry not gonna hang up on my kids just because he is at dads house.

He is afraid to be on the wifi because he suspects they know he has it as they can see the devices in use. And he is just a worrier and worries he will get In trouble. And itís usually the gf yelling and insulting him and then locking him in his room..

Except my 7 year old messages-me on an iPad at 11pm.. 12 am. Sometimes on dadís weekend. So much for controlling what comes from his house. Monday night I got a FaceTime call at 11:50 pm... guess they were checking and hit it accidentally

I agree with you. Of course kids do better with both parents... except not when the one parent didnít want them 6 years ago. Then said parent gets a partner who will do all the work for him as his wife once did and now he wants them half the time. After all this time when dad has never had a good relationship with either of his kids. Same for when we were married.

Iím all for change... work towards it sure. Do the work... go for the parenting classes. Or dad an kid therapy... the slowly add more time. Which is what I have offered.

Except dad shoves some consent in my face saying I must agree for him to chose a therapist... follow all therapist recommendations (before they are even know ). Wants it signed irrevocably. Lol. And then says I too shall attend when called upon. With no say in anything?? Hmmm little controlling? They said once I sign consent them details of who therapist is would be provided. Guess what... gf is a secretary for a therapist who does custody and access therapy and assessments. Ya good try though.

Yet before I started court proceedings I begged him and his gf to attend family therapy all together so we could get on the same page. It went ignored. But now he is ready. Lol.

I have fought to include dad in everything... not exclude him... he was never interested. Same when we were married. Same goes now. Invited to everything. Therapy. Drs.. nope doesnít show.

You do seem bias even though you say you arenít. Just my observation... didnít say I was always right.


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Last edited by Mom 2 Two; 09-12-2019 at 06:48 PM.
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