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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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  #101  
Old 05-09-2013, 11:06 PM
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Tayken Tayken is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by baldclub View Post
Tayken, after all this time you still insist on using the capital "B" in my name? It is simply baldclub, president and member.
baldclub,

Point "tayken". I just am formal when addressing people.

Good Luck!
Tayken
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  #102  
Old 05-10-2013, 07:56 AM
involveddad75 involveddad75 is offline
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I wouldn't mind taking a look at that template of yours Tayken as someone who has already gotten 50/50.
Anything that helps other children get what I got without there parents having to go through 12 days of trial would be very welcome.
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  #103  
Old 09-03-2013, 12:28 AM
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Hi Everyone!!

It's been a while but it has been a well deserved holiday from the forum. I'm not up to date on the latest here, I've read some things here and there, I see that the family law wheel is still running over people.

Let me tell you, since getting 50/50 there has been a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. I've been told by some that it was clearly visible. I am overall pretty happy in my life, although some issues still exist (mainly financial), the week about schedule is great. To be honest, I miss the kids when they're not here but we gel very well as soon as we're back together.

The kids: this change to a regular schedule, equal parenting, has been very, very smooth, I can't stress that enough. I've always been involved and it showed. There is love, guidance and fun as there always has been. The funny thing is the kids have really come out and said things very clearly that once I was too afraid to ask because I wanted to limit their involvement in inappropriate decision making. And this is something I want to share with you all on the forum who are dealing with the OCL:

I sit around the table with the kids and we talk after meals, this is a very healthy habit from what I understand. My kids have said this before, but in particular lately, that they often told the OCL they wanted a week about schedule. They said they repeated this often to the lawyer, who apparently told them that the judge probably would not agree to it. They didn't like a broken up schedule she offered, and for some reason the OCL lawyer thought the children didn't want to be with both parents equally. Apparently the OCL said a more regular schedule like the week about wouldn't work because of the work schedules, although I have a Monday to Friday day work week while my ex does shift work. So in effect, the OCL trumped the kids' need for stability and predictability by siding with a schedule that worked in the mother's favour.

I walk away from the whole experience seeing the OCL in a very negative light. I had hoped for a more knowledgeable understanding of how both parents are so important in children's lives, how they can only benefit from the love and guidance of each parent to the maximum capability versus living in the disjointed sole custody situation that the court seemed to impose more often than not. I had thrown at the OCL a very good case for a very good loving, modern father with a history of involvement with my own kids and a good anchor to the community. Not much of a bite from the OCL.

I will say that I know the OCL lawyer didn't like me. But I wonder how one can not put aside there own insecurities for the mission. The mission is to provide an unbiased view of the children's preferences, what they feel is in their best interest. I believe there is mostly a limit to what we should be asking the children in terms of decision making, from my own experience where the children lived within a somewhat coercive environment with the mother, but mostly because of what I read from authors such as Warren Farrell, Edward Kruk and Patrick Parkinson among others.

One ray of light was the social worker, known as the clinical assist. She would be the one to have taken the stand had my case gone to trial. When I met her and the lawyer, I could tell that the social worker listened more attentively and had more children-focused responses.

However, in hindsight and even at the time, I see the involvement of the OCL in contrasting light:

1. A necessary evil at the time, because no one was 'getting' my evidence without a trial, and the allegations were flying. The OCL was supposed to listen to the children amongst the chaos so that the situation could be cleared up for the kids sooner rather than later. I was wrong. The OCL delayed everything by about 18 months.

2. I watched how biased the OCL was, I could not believe how she flip flopped even hours before what was supposed to be an inevitable trial. I had her written position supporting 50/50, a rarity in the run up to trial, vanish just before the final meeting with a judge. Her well documented mismanagement of the case would have inevitably had to exclude her fairness and credibility. That my own ex said she made things worse is a testament to the OCL's personal incompetence.

3. However, I did see the OCL lawyer go toe to toe with my ex, and hammer out some concessions in the schedule as I have mentioned in other posts. I think I want to give the lawyer credit with such progress, although I am acutely aware that in the face of direct unwillingness by my ex to not increase access for the kids while I lived in the same town for two years, even the OCL lawyer had to take a stand.

If anyone is dealing with the OCL in Renfrew County, Ontario message me directly and I will let you know who I have had to deal with. Maybe I can help in some way.
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  #104  
Old 09-03-2013, 12:40 AM
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Welcome back! Thanks for sharing your experience, glad to hear it worked out well for you and the kids in the end, despite the long and crappy road to getting there.

Thanks also for your offer to help others with what you've learned - a great example of success and paying it forward!
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  #105  
Old 09-03-2013, 12:42 AM
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I know, I know, this is a lot of ranting but if you want, bear with me.


Let me say this too. One really major change in the last year or maybe more, is my calmness when dealing with my ex. To be honest, things have died down in the discussions between us. Yet, I still keep track of emails and texts and I record my calls, and my ex continues to badger me with accusations, hanging up the phone when I call for the kids, you know the drill.

But. The way I respond is classic BIFF, brief, informative, firm but friendly. For example, she hung up on me a week ago after talking over me in one of the few calls I've had with her (had to call the kids), and my blood pressure was great. I didn't flinch, I didn't knee-jerk and react to her way of being. I went about my day and did not let it affect me in the least. There is true peace when we don't react. It's a great unexpected outcome of this whole family court situation.

Who knew?
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  #106  
Old 09-03-2013, 10:43 AM
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Glad to hear, stuff is going well with your family.
Did you request full disclosure of the assessors notes?
I would love to PM or email you regarding your disclosure.
You story is similar to mine in a lot of ways. A fully involved farther being told by professionals that you can't bee involved anymore.
I believe the organization needs to be overhauled and there should be much more accountability.
Did you get an affidavit from the clinical assist?
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  #107  
Old 09-03-2013, 11:11 AM
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Yeah, you know how to reach me involveddad75. Thanks.

I went as far as get the standing of the social worker by her professional organization. I did not get disclosure of any notes or an affidavit from the clinical assist. Like I said, once I had the OCL's flip flopping position on paper where she gives me 50/50 - by accident apparently?? Then I knew her contribution would have to be very limited in court if she stood against that very position.
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