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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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  #51  
Old 12-13-2009, 02:41 PM
#1StepMom #1StepMom is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by standing on the sidelines View Post
i would not even hazard a guess at how this woman thinks. I would write her another email and get her to clarify her answer.
We will definitely send her a confirmation email, as we understand the matter to stand. Then ask her to confirm in writing.
  #52  
Old 12-13-2009, 03:28 PM
frustrated11 frustrated11 is offline
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crazy woman, too bad you couldn't get her mental competance evaluated

on an added note, does any one know of any particular case-laws where the CP placed the child in daycare and did not allow the NCP the extra time with the child?
  #53  
Old 12-13-2009, 03:39 PM
billiechic billiechic is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by #1StepMom View Post
She wrote back: "Noted. Please note that I stand firmly on my position - I do not agree to incurring any additional daycare expenses due to your vacation."
Does the daycare charge for that time period regardless of whether the child is there or not? I know many do this, but mine offer the parents 2 weeks each year where they won't have to pay if their kids are not there (to be used for vacations).

The other point: IF she would have to pay regardless of whether he is there or not, then there wouldn't be any additional expenses for her to incurr. Either they charge for him when he is not there, or they don't. Regardless, there is no way she would incur additional expenses. it's not like there is an extra fee tacked on when he is absent!

Do you guys have a copy of the contract with the daycare? You can ask them to fax you a copy of the terms if you don't know if they will actually require payment while he is not there.

Agree that she will not have to incur any additional expenses (as there won't be any) and see if that satisfies her.
  #54  
Old 12-13-2009, 04:13 PM
independentgal independentgal is offline
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I wouldn't agree to pay the money up front.

I doubt she will bring her own motion to change the provisions. You will have to revisit the issue in court on your own initiative.

You need to send her your own strongly worded letter to her outlining the facts as you understand them to be based on her emails. Tell her as you understand it, she is expecting A, B and C. You state that you are in disagreement of the noted demands.

Tell her in plain English what you expect to happen for your access over the holidays.


Tell her if she wants to bring a motion to change the provisions, she is more than welcome to do so.

Tell her you require written confirmation of her intentions with regard to your access.

Tell her she needs to separate money from the child's best interests and the dad's entitlement to see his child.


What a piece of work she is.
  #55  
Old 12-13-2009, 07:00 PM
#1StepMom #1StepMom is offline
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Well, my husband sent her an email stating the facts as he understands them.... that he will have the agreed-upon access to his son, that she will provide the travel consent, that he will pay his proportionate share of daycare fees as per the court order subject to a new court order to the contrary, and that she intends to file a motion to change the daycare provision. At the bottom of the list of facts, he wrote that he confirms those facts, and asked that she provide written confirmation as well.

She responded: "I will not repeat my stance on this issue further. I am certain I have provided clear communication with respect to this matter."

We are going to assume that her indication of "noted" to my husband's email that he intends to exercise his agreed-upon access, expects to receive the signed consent to travel with documents, and will pay his proportionate share of the daycare subject to a court order to the contrary (should she take the matter to court and obtain a ruling on a new daycare provision)... means that she agrees with those facts.
  #56  
Old 12-14-2009, 09:57 AM
billiechic billiechic is offline
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don't exhaust yourselves. Show up to pick him up and request your letter. Bring copies of all these emails with you, and a copy of the court order. If there is a problem then, you can call in the cops if necessary.

After all this arguing back and forth if she doesn't abide the court order it will really look bad for her. Nevermind the terrible disappointment for your step-son. I really hope this is the end of it.

You guys do have to realize that you have not lost anything here. You are not paying anything extra and you should be getting the time with him and the letter. I hope things go smoothly...
  #57  
Old 12-14-2009, 10:42 AM
Simplicity Simplicity is offline
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There are 2 issues here:

#1 The child's father's access to his child and ability to take a vacation without legal problems.

#2 Who pays what for daycare during child/parent vacation time.

#2 is simple. The father can pay what he thinks he rightfully owes on time, and leave any confusion up to the mother to sort out in court.

About #1 - the father and yourself taking the child on a vacation. It seems that the major obstacle is the child's mother refusing to sign a 'consent' letter in the absence of the father providing extra daycare money.

I have quite a lot of experience in related matters. My son is now 12. The relationship broke up when he was 11 months old. I am originally from Europe, and maintain close ties and contact with my (large) family and with friends in many European countries.

During the years after the breakup my child's father was adamant that our child would never go to see my family and friends in Europe. When our son's passport expired he refused for over a year to sign for a new one (this during a time period when my father got sick and died, and when I was concerned about my mother's health and the fact that I might want to visit her with our child). Let me know if you want to know how I got over that hurdle.

When my son was 3 there was major ice/snow damage to our house. There was going to be a construction worker with all necessary power tools, etc in our house almost daily for about 3 weeks. Given our child's inquisitive fingers and the fact that I was on a medical/disability leave from work, and the fact that our son was in daycare (as opposed to school) at the time I decided that it would be a good idea for us to leave the then -30 degree January weather and the potentially dangerous (power and other tools) home and go south for 3 weeks approximately during the construction period (the construction being necessary to the child's bedroom).

I wrote a letter to the father explaining the situation. I offered to make up his weekend time on the weekends of his choice. I offered him extra make up time. I offered to provide him with phone cards so he could call the child while our child was on vacation. I offered that he could have (my) Mothers' Day with the child so he could take our child to visit his paternal grandmother. I offered him other bonuses also.

His response was to scream that if I attempted to take our child on vacation he would call the police and scream that I was abducting the child (this was not the first time he pulled the abduction card. Disproving it previously had cost me a lot in a lawyer's fees).

I decided that if he was threatening to call the police when I was doing something reasonable then it made sense for me to call the police first and to get their opinion on the situation.

I called the spousal assault section of our local police. It only took a few minutes for the matter to be fixed. I explained the situation, I described the content of my letter and the offers that I had made.

The (spousal assault) police officer that I spoke with recommended that I re-send the letter with an additional paragraph stating that I had spoken with the police and that they had no problem with my going on vacation with the child in the circumstances. The police officer also asked me for the father's name, address, date of birth.... he told me that if the father called screaming abduction that they would have a file on him and would know that it was not true. He wished myself and the child a happy vacation.

We had a great vacation!

On a more general note I have travelled internationally with my child at least once a year for the past 12 years (destinations including England, Poland, Greece, Italy, Ireland, Cuba, the Netherlands, etc). Never once have I been asked by Canadian or foreign immigration authorities to provide a letter of 'consent' from the non-custodial parent.

I do usually produce my legal/custody documents which state that in late August/early September I and my son will travel to Europe for family and (my) work reasons.

On one occasion when my son was about 9 years old instead of having the legal/custody documents on me personally they somehow got packed/lost in our suitcases. In the absence of the documents we were pulled aside by the immigration people on our return to Canada. They basically took my son away from me (not far, just a few feet and in a space where he could not make eye contact with me). The immigration people thoroughly questioned my son about his family name and why it is different to mine, about his father and where his father lives and works, about his school, about where he lives and with whom.

The immigration people basically checked that everything was as it should be absent the proper legal papers. It is good to know that they are paying attention in matters such as this.

Enough of my story (or one of many).

My suggestions for you are as follows:

The father should contact the spousal assault section of your local police service and inform them of your travel plans and the mother's lack of cooperation in providing a letter of consent (plus the daycare cost issue).

Ask the police how they can facilitate you in going on vacation as planned if the consent letter is not forthcoming (and provide them evidence as necessary that you live where you do, have work, family and other ties that ensure your return).

Be sure to inform the police that there is not sufficient time for court proceeding on this matter.

Make sure to contact the relevant section of the police (where I live it is spousal assault department of the police). If you call a general police number or speak with an ordinary' police officer they make not have the family law knowledge and expertise that you need.

Ask the police how to communicate your vacation plans to the mother (e.g. they might say to write/inform her that the police/authorities are aware of your travel plans and are willing to accept them without a consent letter from the mother).

Good luck in sorting this out without going to court or losing your vacation with the child!

Last edited by Simplicity; 12-14-2009 at 11:13 AM. Reason: typo
  #58  
Old 12-14-2009, 10:47 AM
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wretchedotis wretchedotis is offline
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Don't most daycare's have an understanding that your child will likely be on vacation for 2 weeks? They actually charge you extra for this?
  #59  
Old 12-14-2009, 11:59 AM
#1StepMom #1StepMom is offline
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Well, in the court order it states:

The Father shall spend 50% of the child's Christmas vacation from school (8 days) with his son.

Either party will sign a travel consent and provide the required documents for the other party to travel with the child outside of Canada, upon that party's request.

Daycare costs shall be shared by the parties in proportion to their incomes, as those expenses arise.

So really... she has no leg to stand on unless she takes necessary court action to revisit the daycare costs. And even if she does, it won't be until after the holidays so there should be no issues with our Christmas plans.

We're just hoping that her email indicating "noted" to my husband's confirmed facts is enough proof of her confirmation.
  #60  
Old 12-14-2009, 12:42 PM
billiechic billiechic is offline
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Did you check to see if the daycare lets you have 2 weeks vacation without paying? Given that he pays his share of daycare, one of the "free" weeks should be his.
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