Hi all,
I have been searching this forum for some time now and have found it very helpful especially in educating myself for what needs to be finalized. I am the type if guy who keeps most everything locked inside as I don't want to be a burden of problems to my friends or family. I wish to share my situation and want to thank anyone who may respond ahead of time for taking time out of your day to pass on any advice or suggestions.
I have been seperated from my common law spouse now for approximately 1 year and four months and my mind is now cleared and I know what I have to do. We have both made mistakes, but any advice you can share would be appreciated. We started dating in the year 2000 and offically moved in together in 2003. She had a child from her previous marriage and although she was not offically divorced until 2009, her & I lived together and built three homes together. She & I had three beautiful kids of our own and she is a wonderful mom. I guess just over time and the amount of work with the kids it started to wear on us. She stayed home with the kids, not worth paying for daycare, and opened her own home daycare when we built our second home. By the time our third home was built our relationship was in trouble and to simply hold a conversation usually ended up in a fight. She would wake up and say how unhappy she was and through arguing, why wouldn't I leave etc, so late in 2009, I did just that. She lives in the home we built which I still pay the mortgage for + utilities. We have debt together which still gets paid and between her daycare and increase with CTC she also helps pay a portion of the debt. I want to do what is best for the kids and for us to move on we need to have the home sold but to date nothing has been done and for myself to get my own place, with the kids, I need to have this done. My ex and I are joint on title of our home and most debt, although single debt we accumulated together. She has the truck & I the car and I have been staying with another women. I know what it can cost if things go the court/lawyer route and although I accept my responsibility to my kids etc, I feel now she is out for blood and I am looking for ways to protect myself in some sense, as I will need to create a new life for my 3 kids as well. To me it should be straight forward of sell the home, pay-off split debts, and I pay support for my angels, which I have no problem with. The problem is she is at the home, will not let me come there at all, only let's me see my kids when she see's fit, only picks up the phone once in awhile when I call and has all these people encouraging her for her entitlement. She e-mails me saying let's try mediation and then e-mails me saying that she heard something from someone (????) and that it will not work (???). She carrys on like she is in full control, maybe she is, but I am also worried about starting legal proceedings because for the most part, without sounding like an a$$, what I have read usually doesn't always favor the father of the relationship.
So given what I have wrote, what am I looking at here? She is also on her employeer's payroll and can gain employment again, making more $$ than before. What I am truly worried about is myself not having the means to have some sort of life with my kids without having to depend on someone else or living in a one bdrm apt. I want to fully cooperate and make things fair but incase she does not see it that way is there anything else I can do?
Thanks again,
I have been searching this forum for some time now and have found it very helpful especially in educating myself for what needs to be finalized. I am the type if guy who keeps most everything locked inside as I don't want to be a burden of problems to my friends or family. I wish to share my situation and want to thank anyone who may respond ahead of time for taking time out of your day to pass on any advice or suggestions.
I have been seperated from my common law spouse now for approximately 1 year and four months and my mind is now cleared and I know what I have to do. We have both made mistakes, but any advice you can share would be appreciated. We started dating in the year 2000 and offically moved in together in 2003. She had a child from her previous marriage and although she was not offically divorced until 2009, her & I lived together and built three homes together. She & I had three beautiful kids of our own and she is a wonderful mom. I guess just over time and the amount of work with the kids it started to wear on us. She stayed home with the kids, not worth paying for daycare, and opened her own home daycare when we built our second home. By the time our third home was built our relationship was in trouble and to simply hold a conversation usually ended up in a fight. She would wake up and say how unhappy she was and through arguing, why wouldn't I leave etc, so late in 2009, I did just that. She lives in the home we built which I still pay the mortgage for + utilities. We have debt together which still gets paid and between her daycare and increase with CTC she also helps pay a portion of the debt. I want to do what is best for the kids and for us to move on we need to have the home sold but to date nothing has been done and for myself to get my own place, with the kids, I need to have this done. My ex and I are joint on title of our home and most debt, although single debt we accumulated together. She has the truck & I the car and I have been staying with another women. I know what it can cost if things go the court/lawyer route and although I accept my responsibility to my kids etc, I feel now she is out for blood and I am looking for ways to protect myself in some sense, as I will need to create a new life for my 3 kids as well. To me it should be straight forward of sell the home, pay-off split debts, and I pay support for my angels, which I have no problem with. The problem is she is at the home, will not let me come there at all, only let's me see my kids when she see's fit, only picks up the phone once in awhile when I call and has all these people encouraging her for her entitlement. She e-mails me saying let's try mediation and then e-mails me saying that she heard something from someone (????) and that it will not work (???). She carrys on like she is in full control, maybe she is, but I am also worried about starting legal proceedings because for the most part, without sounding like an a$$, what I have read usually doesn't always favor the father of the relationship.
So given what I have wrote, what am I looking at here? She is also on her employeer's payroll and can gain employment again, making more $$ than before. What I am truly worried about is myself not having the means to have some sort of life with my kids without having to depend on someone else or living in a one bdrm apt. I want to fully cooperate and make things fair but incase she does not see it that way is there anything else I can do?
Thanks again,
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