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What are your options when the other parent refuses to respond to your email messages? I have put in a request to have our schedule change for this upcoming mother's day weekend due to wanting to take the child to a special annual event that the child has gone to before and really enjoyed. We have a provision in our agreement that in the event that a special occasion, event that would be in the best interest of the child to attend, the other parent shall not deny the request. I have been more than fair in the past for the other parent's requests. I have offered a different time next weekend to have the child after the event and sent an email last week and no response. So i resent another message the other night asking if the other parent could respond in the next day so we can plan accordingly and has again not responded.
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Frustrating, to say the least.
I don't have anything earth-shattering to say... It seems that the advice given here to people in similar situations has always been to document it and use it as a reason to file a motion - the catch being that you have to chalk this (and probably more) special occasion up to a loss.
Sucks, big time
Cheers!
Gary -
It depends on your ex, with my ex, she often doesn't respond to stuff. I emailed her 6 months ago about when the kids' next doctor and dentist appointments should be, never got a reply. I kept repeating the email every 3 weeks. Still repeating, still no reply. I'm just doing it as a joke now...
Any, enough about me. For a schedule change, what I do is email the change over a week in advance, asking. Then I repeat 7 days in advance. With no answer, I email that "since you haven't objected, I will go ahead with this change. You will have the kids on xx, xx, and xx days, and I will have them on yy, yy, and yy days."
Especially since you have it in your agreement that reasonable changes should be agreed to, there is no possibility of him taking this to court and getting anything but laughed at. Just make sure you give plenty of notice, and then follow up by stating what the altered schedule will be.Comment
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It's obvious this is a high conflict case because the poster is quoting from an agreement...I assume it's so special for the kid that it's better to get whipped up into a lather about it and it can't wait till the kid is is 18 and capable of determing whats special or not on "mothers day" . I see some responses are already getting the thread maker prepared for a huge court case...funny...poor kid really...Comment
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Tug, have you considered having your agreement changed to reflect the kidlet will spend mother's day with mom and father's day with dad, regardless if it falls on the other parent's regularly scheduled time? I know someone people switch for the whole weekend, some overnight and some just for the day.Comment
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Blink do you have any idea how hard it is to change an agreement? Changing agreements is directing people into court....Of course once you go for a change of just one tinsy winsy item....it ends up being 20 items then a thousand....pretty lame advice unless ur rich and love stress......my advice is drop the matter and get along for the kid....simpleComment
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its obvious you are a high conflict person. What is wrong with the mother and child being together on mothers day?? Or the father and child on fathers day?? Do you even have kids??Originally posted by theborg View Post
The poster quoted from the agreement so people know how it is worded, doesnt mean they are high conflict.Comment
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My agreement doesn't say anything about reasonable changes. It says 4 hours on Wednesdays and 4 hours on Thursdays. In the past, she has granted 7 hours on each day when I've requested it, and sometimes she's offered it without prompting on my part. Today I made a request for 7 hours next Wednesday and Thursday, because I am going to take big sister out of school for this visit with the 15 month old.Originally posted by Mess View Post
Would you attempt the same thing if the agreement is silent about reasonable changes? How about things like Father's Day (on a Sunday)?Comment
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I would. I don't know if you should.Comment
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Thanks for your replies. In the past my ex has claimed he did not get my emails, and the times ive not heard a reply and resent it he claims that i keep harassing him for information etc. He has admitted to not being able to read the entire messages, i asked what i can do to help get thru them especially when there is information regarding the child Oh and my favourite is past easter, i ask for a few hours to spend with the child, and brings child back late and is up in arms about something and tells me he didn't have to return her early as it was his weekend and he was doing me a favor..
Its all just frustrating. We have the clause in our agreement about special circumstances, events etc. i have offered make up time, which he's denied or not responded to.
We do have time in our agreement about mothers and fathers day. Last year I sent a message regarding father's day weekend ( started early saturday afternoon until the next day) and he didn't know of the agreement, he thought it was just for the day.... agreement was only a few months old.
I asked for a change, which he would be losing a few hours, and offered multiple make up time for the few hours. (which our agreement does not even state anything about makeup time.) But my beef is that makeup time should be with the parent, and not extended family. We have in our agreement ROFR but it seems that our child spends the majority of their time in the grandparents care, the ex cant even commit to a few hours during the week and that frustrates me even more.Last edited by tugofwar; 05-03-2012, 11:02 PM.Comment
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Ha Ha, where did you come from? LOL. I am trying to avoid that whole scene all together, because there is no such thing as a winner or loser.... everyone loses well except for the lawyers driving around in their bmw's etc. I am just looking for some help in dealing with a difficult, non child focused individual who thinks the world owes them something!Originally posted by theborg View PostComment
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SOTS:Originally posted by standing on the sidelines View Post
I think theborg does have a good point. Tugofwar has posted in the past and it appears that tugofwar is dealing with a highly conflicted other parent. So theborg's comments although fearsome in nature may be well placed.
Based on my own conversations I too would warn Tugofwar about the challenges of bringing forward this before the court. It is quite evidence that the other parent in Tugofwar's situation would be more than happy to hurl allegations in affidavit materials on a motion. (throw as much poop on the wall and see what sticks)
Now, the other advice is... It may not be a bad idea though but, tugofwar should be warned that this could happen and probably will. The key thing is to stay focused on the request that is being made "mothers day" and ignore the other irrelevant allegations that could arise.
Furthermore, a parent who won't agree to something like the children being with their mother on "mother's day" demonstrates they are not able to put thir children's best interests first.
The application and supporting affidavit should be very clean, short and to the specific point of mother's day access. Don't give the other parent an opportunity to sling mud.
Motions are a catch 22 a lot of the time. You will be cross motioned on a pile of crap when you are dealing with a high conflict parent.
Good Luck!
TaykenComment
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Solution to your problem: OUR FAMILY WIZARD (or something similar)Originally posted by tugofwar View PostThanks for your replies. In the past my ex has claimed he did not get my emails, and the times ive not heard a reply and resent it he claims that i keep harassing him for information etc. He has admitted to not being able to read the entire messages, i asked what i can do to help get thru them especially when there is information regarding the child Oh and my favourite is past easter, i ask for a few hours to spend with the child, and brings child back late and is up in arms about something and tells me he didn't have to return her early as it was his weekend and he was doing me a favor..
Third party system manages the communications. When the other parent reads the message it is marked as read and the date they read it is provided to both parents.
No more excuses about not getting email.
You should write a request that parental communications be moved to "Our Family Wizard". It costs about 100$ a year but, the other parent can't make a single complaint about not getting the message. When they do, you have a 3rd party to back you up on delivery and receipt of the message.
Good Luck!
TaykenComment
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The way I read it was that he is saying tug is the one who is high conflict because she quoted part of the agreement. I totally agree her ex is high conflict.Originally posted by Tayken View Post
I have read Borgs posts and he is anti-mother and generally anti woman. Maybe I am wrong but that is IMHOComment
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You can use Google calendar and get the same thing for free. Just set up an account that only the parents have access too, keep the calendar up to date and leave messages and reports for each other. Have emails to the calendar account forwarded to the parents as well for convenience.Originally posted by Tayken View Post
The main issue though is that Tug's ex is being passive aggressive, he will just find a way to not read the "Family Wizard" or look at the calendar. If she sends him registered mail, the dog will eat it. Which is why I suggest she just send an email that it is happening, and then make it happen.Comment
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