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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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  #1  
Old 08-21-2011, 12:28 AM
ddol1 ddol1 is offline
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Default update to the "she emptied the account"!!

I posted earlier - she removed a total of $5300 and today I asked three seperate times for her to replace the funds or provide the receipts/accounting of the transactions - with her third denial I had an electronic transfer setup, ready to go so with the press of the enter key the remaining $700 was transfered to my personal account. SHe has played by her own rules - she has changed her rules as it suited her to the point of....... well we never had a valid agreement - a post seperation agreement that basically saw us doing the status quo, paying the bills, buffering the kids from all this crap (which I guess is all HER crap!). I think in the end it will be her loss as if this pans out to go by incomes - she gets 80% of the bills and I get the remaining 20% (it was going as a 50/50 deal but that time is over).

I have spoken to one lawyer several times and I am going to speak with several more as strongly suggested to me - and I think the advice is sound as it does look like it is going to cost a pretty penny no matter what and it deserves the effort to find the "best" representation.

Can anyone answer some basic worries as to possibly what my future may look like in terms of the following:
(I really do assume that at this point going forward that she has proven to be in her own world of denial, lies and more so that based on the first five months there will only be resolution by court order - standing in front of a judge)
-Divorce says applicable assets are divided 50/50 (as in the Family Law Act)
-There is now going to be a time between the valuation date and the first court order --- one way or another the bills will have to get paid - if I want to keep my good credit rating i will need to make sure the bills do get paid on time. If she does not pay her share would there be any restitution when the equalization payment is made? Keeping this simple is it fair to say that a decision would take all the bills paid and then use the ratio of our incomes to come up with the final accounting? (she earns 80% to my 20% of the total - using the aftertax dollars she has 35k to my 8k on my CPP disability)

After the bills issue (the food, utilities, taxes and al.)
The next thing that I am worried about is the benefits which she controls because it is her employer afterall!
-I admit to having a pretty heavy depedance on the her benefits to the tune of at least $500 monthly. She has full discretion on what she would do..... cut her spouse off her benefits tomorrow or perhaps hold them over my head for the next 18 months. I read some case law on CANLII that when a court is ruling things like benefits are in a way mandated so that as in my case there could be a ruling that basically states that as long as the employer will allow benefits to continue the payor shall not remove the payee from his or her benefit plan or should the payor choose to remove the benefits the payor shall then assume the full costs of said benefits. This was a long way of saying that she would "not be able to" remove the benefits.

Yes I know I could cash in my RRSP's to maintain my monthly perscriptions but one, two, three years can be really expensive - paramount to a type of extortion to force an unfair contractual settlement...... I would like nothing better than to get an amical, quick and fair agreement but should I choose to attempt to preserve my right to retain the benefits awarded me for many years of pain, surgeries - now at eight and counting, and although not related to money at all - the lost oportunities, both past and future....... with respect to my children. As we all know - or if not yet convinced there really is no winners in divorce.

I am sure there is so much more I could put in this post and more but perhaps someone may lessen the fears that have been unleashed by a few actions - up to now had only been suspicion but now to find that yes my wost fears are beginning to materialize - deciept, lies, playing our children against their father - and me - I really do not have much of a choice because there really is no alternate to my successful resolution of what may just be the most important fight of my life.............

If some wisdom can be offered to help while I continue to finalize our finances, find good representation that will hopefully prevent much needless spite and hurt on all sides. I just sat here staring at this last few words for a long time now........... how did we end up so far apart? Where did so much hate come from? Again thanks to all......
  #2  
Old 08-21-2011, 01:39 PM
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wretchedotis wretchedotis is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ddol1 View Post
I just sat here staring at this last few words for a long time now........... how did we end up so far apart? Where did so much hate come from? Again thanks to all......

fuct, ain't it?
Someone that once meant so much and all the animosity now....
makes me sad when I think of it about my ex too.
We used to laugh and smile. Now we hate and yell.
  #3  
Old 08-21-2011, 03:17 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by wretchedotis View Post
fuct, ain't it?
Someone that once meant so much and all the animosity now....
makes me sad when I think of it about my ex too.
We used to laugh and smile. Now we hate and yell.
I feel the same...I'm looking forward to a time when we can look back and laugh at all the good times we had without any animosity and anger...
  #4  
Old 11-14-2011, 10:51 AM
tmac tmac is offline
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I posted earlier - she removed a total of $5300 and today I asked three seperate times for her to replace the funds or provide the receipts/accounting of the transactions - with her third denial I had an electronic transfer setup, ready to go so with the press of the enter key the remaining $700 was transfered to my personal account. SHe has played by her own rules - she has changed her rules as it suited her to the point of....... well we never had a valid agreement - a post seperation agreement that basically saw us doing the status quo, paying the bills, buffering the kids from all this crap (which I guess is all HER crap!). I think in the end it will be her loss as if this pans out to go by incomes - she gets 80% of the bills and I get the remaining 20% (it was going as a 50/50 deal but that time is over).



DID YOU FIND ANYTHING OUT ABOUT HER TAKING MONEY FROM THE ACCOUNT?
  #5  
Old 11-14-2011, 12:58 PM
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Relevant:

Quote:
Originally Posted by ddol1 View Post
she removed a total of $5300
Was this from a joint account? If so you can go get all the financial statements on where the money was withdrawn. Get the documentation. At equalization half the money taken is yours.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ddol1 View Post
remaining $700 was transferred to my personal account
Make sure you can account for the transfer of money. It is time to cancel the joint bank account and other joint financial accounts. Send her an email asking for disclosure of the withdraw of funds. Don't get mad. Just ask what it was taken out for and went to and to provide the cogent evidence to support the withdraw.


Quote:
Originally Posted by ddol1 View Post
-Divorce says applicable assets are divided 50/50 (as in the Family Law Act)
Yes, unless you can claim unjust enrichment which is incredibly difficult to do.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ddol1 View Post
-There is now going to be a time between the valuation date and the first court order
So long as you don't run out of money keep paying your bills and tracking them. Eventually it will balance out in equalization. It is a long hard road.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ddol1 View Post
If she does not pay her share would there be any restitution when the equalization payment is made?
Yes. Document what you have paid, how much, etc... It will come off the equalization payments.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ddol1 View Post
The next thing that I am worried about is the benefits which she controls because it is her employer afterall!
Well, if she does remove your benefits and you are dependent spouse with medical needs that this benefit covers, it would appear to be highly conflicted to remove you. So, if this happens, my recommendation would be a point you should consider going on motion (emergency) to insure your health is maintained.

It doesn't cost her one penny more to keep you on her health insurance. It is a family plan and I can only assume dependent children are still covered.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ddol1 View Post
-I admit to having a pretty heavy dependence on the her benefits to the tune of at least $500 monthly.
That is why you are a "dependent spouse". You should go talk to FLIC about what can be done right now to protect your health.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ddol1 View Post
She has full discretion on what she would do..... cut her spouse off her benefits tomorrow or perhaps hold them over my head for the next 18 months.
But, if she does this it is a "bad idea". You respond in kind with an application and emergency motion to protect your health. This would be seen as incredibly hostile and controlling by the court if presented appropriately.

Good Luck!
Tayken
  #6  
Old 11-14-2011, 03:31 PM
tmac tmac is offline
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thank you Tayken,

and yes I have every bank statement that shows every dollar that was taken out of the accounts. I hope it all works put b/c there is a lot of money that was taken out and now he claims he has no money left
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Old 11-14-2011, 05:46 PM
ddol1 ddol1 is offline
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Thanks Tayken,
This post got me real confused as it was from back in August - a period of discovery for me and I suppose acceptance to what happened while I trusted her to do the right thing for us and the kids - I now understand there is no such thing and finally I just in time took all the steps to protect all my remaining assets for the day when equalization comes........(It can't be soon enough!) And then it took me so long to do anything today, I had just lost my second try at a post and confusion escalated when I saw your post!!!!!! Took me a while to realize your response was from today just a few minutes earlier to my original post dated back in August, all generated by tmac's question.... but I regained my senses, I know Tayken's view on every point is based on solid understanding of what it will take to get through this. - So again, thanks go to T!

To tmac

Today, tmac revitalized this old post with her question of what happened to the removed funds. She is in the position where she followed legal advice that left her fully exposed to what her spouse eventually did - cleared out all assets and buried the proceeds. He was smart enough to also get through the process of bankrupcy - imporrtant because if he was alble to hide any cash proceeds from the bankrupcy process he will certainly have an easy time to do the same when he stands in front of the court with "tmac", todays poster at his divorce proceedings.

Tayken took the time today to put in writing a detailed response to what was discussed in more detail very recently which I very much appriciate - thank you Tayken for giving me a little spark of hope when I am running low on everything these days. earlier this summer I thankfully took steps to at least protect my financial assets - something I could do back then.

What I couldn't do is protect myself from the process of parental alienation which I never understood, thought I was loosing my mind all over again, and again, with the valuable insight of this forum I now appreciate how destructive this can be and to accept that she has very effectively put this into place. Her visions of the truth that alieveates some of her guilt over this has been effectively transposed to the kids and I remain "in the corner - protecting my future. I can only hope for things to improve with the kids after the influence is gone. They are grownups and ultimately I will accept the outcome there. I am and I was a hard working devoted dad and husband - I have nothing to feel guitly about.

So to tmac, like other posts and the various posters that have provided you with very good advice and help directed to you and your situation in Alberta over the last few months. Some of this is similar to mine as well. Re-reaad Tayken's post and how he broke out specific details and presented specific information to allow me to prepare for the now, today, and in the future as events may unfold....... It is about preparing for the worst and getting supporting documentation and proof, without emotion - never emotion as emotion is a wasted energy.

Not an expert but you are still feeding off the emotion related to "your stbx's" unbelievable, to you, actions and your failure to protect yourself. I too once believed, "how can a spouse that together we did our best over 24 years and although the last 5 were hard niether wanted to do malace or damage to the other - we or better I, had full trust in her. I had full trust in her when medically and emotionally, I had lost the ability to make sound decisions, even if I saw I would not have been able to put the pieces together and I didn't until it was over."

But it is over. I cried. I cried again when I discovered her removal of $37,000 in two months (well over half of our savings - my savings for rretirrement from my wcb accident settlement and very recently the cash from my mom when she passed away). We lived very conservative lives. We did our very best year after year as I was in surgery after surgery off and on for our entire marriage. Most were amazed what we had accomplished together under the conditions we endured. We got our house paid off and most of the equity we have is a result of, despite my physical limitations, the renovation of each house we owned - once done we moved on and did it again. Today all that is over - no more tears. (ok the tears still come but for a very different reason - they come as a result of the levels of pain I live with and at times it is more than I can bear - but I do.

So after reading a few of your threads this morning for my benefit, and admittadly I actually have made three posts, and lost the first two because my hands and fingers do wierd things and hit keys in wierd ways and posts get deleted . And today continues to be not the best for me after a very successful round of TP injections which really cause pain for the chance of overall improvement of life and enjoyment of my life even during this turmoil of divorce.

With her "not so calculated" games she attempts to break my resolve to try and retain my rights to the funds and my future. I have come to believe these are her way of lashing out at me in frustration, spite, now hate? and maybe worse. She realizes that I have managed to get out of the daze to which I have been living in the last few years. I am not out completely, I have trouble doing even basic rational functions like putting a clear set of documentation to meet court requirements of proof. I am retrieving the documentation, the tracibility, where it is today, the rules as they are dispenced by the courts of my province of residence. Today, I worked on this post and I drifted in and out of consiousness but while here I still have put thought onto my next page of my own file.

So I think this has helped me in a large way to realize what is important and to put a check on that I am operating not with emotion but with calculating business like precision that the courts would like to see. tmac, you need to do the same thing, look back on what you have, look back on your threads that you started (by the search function) and review the advice you have had. Then look at your evidence book (i read that you were booked for a court appearance a few weeks ago and you are lining up new representation through legal aid. Look at what you have and confirm it does what you need it to - you need it to. You need to prove your rights to whatever assets that were present at date of seperation and as another poster stated in Alberta right up to today and the day you go to court.

This is reflective of property alone. You have children and they are not related to your material assets. They will not impact how your childrem will be supported in the future. You do speak alot of material assets that at least from your posts I believe IMHO that your lawyer will confirm that you can get a winning property settlement (ie you will be owed a sum of cash for equalization). Maybe. You will need to think of is there any possible way to get a payment from your ex after he has so effectively hidden the proceeds following liquidation of your jointly owned assets and are now left with jointly responsable loans.

I was passed this same question: To me it is about the energy to get it done balanced with my health and well being and to a certain aspect the impact on the kids. To you, Is it worth your energy and at what cost to you or your children will going after what may very well be missing/disappeared assets? Next is your children and your responsability to thier future in every aspect. This is again not related to your property and your children are alive and will need both thier parents in thier lives in any way this can be made possible.

Tmac, I have made one of my characteristic too long posts, with discusion on various points you are struggling with today. You originally asked me how did I make out with the funds my stbx removed from our then joint pay the house bills account? Yes I found out the full story by thourough investigation of the accounts, money transfers, matching reciepts, speaking with people who could help (for one our bank manager) and as I did I have gathered the proof to back up my claim. It is going to be one line in my net property statement that will be presented in my offer to settle.

The biggest difference between our similar situation is again, I am devoting energy to the issues wo which I have a valid claim with good documentation to back everything up and I know where the is money to cover my position when it comes to equalization. In the end there is only so much assets and we both need to move on with our lives. We will still be connected financially for the rest of our lives. We will settle one way or another (I hope to gosh it doesn't go so far as depleting us dry) - there is no sense in that but sometimes things just do not make sense. This is what I fear the most today. The costs........... and I understand now that is more than just money.
  #8  
Old 11-14-2011, 06:15 PM
tmac tmac is offline
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I so thank you for your post. I guess I feel like a sponge can't read enough information to find out what I need, what and how to prepare, I am tired, so mentally tired. I feels like nothing has been settled and it has been 3 years. I as well want some closure. I want my life back, or some of it. I seem to wake up every day wondering if it is the day for some more answers. I feel like I have been looking through the fog for three years, kinda lost those years.

once again thanks for post I will now go back and re-read the old ones
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